One last attempt at saving this blog now we're almost five years in the future. If it doesn't work this time, I'm going to let it go for good. I don't have the time for it really (and I'm not sure anyone really wants to read this depressing rubbish anyway!) It just seems a shame to get rid of all the meticulous blog notes after all these years.
July 11th 2012
July 11th 2012
Mum had to have a blood test and spent half the night awake with hunger due to having to fast. This didn't stop David from eating a massive breakfast in front of her though. He then proceeded to open a bottle of Coke and spray half of its contents all over the kitchen, leaving Mum to clean it up. However, she didn't feel well enough to do so. By the time I woke up, the Coke had dried, staining my weighing scales and several other things in the process.
David and I had an unsuccessful walk to the South Ealing charity shops and picture framers, unable to find the 6x8 picture frames that Mum wanted. Then we went to Sainsburys to get some baic groceries.
Some horrible men slowed down their car to leer and laugh at me (I still don't know why) and I shouted at them. David got embarrassed by "my behaviour" but I think it was THEIR behaviour that was uncalled for.
I was at the end of my tether with my braces. One of the elastic bands snapped and flew down my throat during dinner, almost choking me. I was glad that the treatment would be over in a couple more months!
I was stressed to death about everything actually but, as usual, Mum made me feel guilty for giving her palpitations and making her catch her breath if I dared to try to discuss my future.
In fact, all she wanted to do was stress me further. She started shouting at me about the eBay clutter that I was currently storing in the hobby room. I promised to take it all back to Grottsville as soon as we had another hire car but she still kept snapping at me, then accused me of being nasty.
Speaking aloud, I pondered "how do I leave?" (a Facebook group) and Mum got upset that I wanted to leave home. Never mind the fact that it would be perfectly normal for a 21-year-old to leave home!
Freddy Bailey still hadn't contacted me about the Coin Slot newspaper scans that I hoped to buy. On a happier note, we had a beautiful fox sleeping right outside our window for most of the day...but she sadly bolted as soon as I pulled my camera out.
July 12th 2012
I had my third driving lesson. Mostly just driving around quiet back streets again. Then, without any warning, Margaret made me drive home via the main shopping street. I didn't even realise what was happening until we were nearly upon the road. Oh well, at least I didn't have time to panic!
I still had one little blip, changing into fourth gear instead of second at one point, but otherwise seemed to be making slow progress.
Our friendly neighbourhood fox was sitting outside the back door when I got back but alas, I didn't get any photos again.
David got a fine on his library books which reminded me that I still wasn't making use of the e-library since I'd discovered it. And, yet again, I'd forgotten to check out my chosen e-book in time. I guess I'd just got out of the habit of reading (and e-books aren't the same as their paper counterparts in my opinion anyway).
Anyway, due to being informed of his library fine, David took off for Grottsville via the library and post office even earlier than usual. Shortly after he went out, the phone rang but Mum ignored it, believing it to be him. (She wasn't talking to him) However, it turned out to be the doctor with her test results!
As soon as she discovered this, she ran down to the doctor's surgery (after hours) and hammered on the door until they had to let her in! They said her test results showed she had high cholesterol but her doctor would have just made a routine appointment to see her on August 8th (and she already had an appointment for July 25th anyway!)
The reason my parents weren't talking to one another was due to yet another argument. David didn't want to hire a car for Mum's birthday. He said it was "too expensive in the summer holidays". In truth, Mum didn't want to go anywhere in the "boring UK" anyway, but she didn't like it that David didn't deem her birthday important enough to want to hire a car.
I got stupidly upset to see a vile tarty woman (naming no names but apparently her claim to fame is having a botox job that went wrong and ending up looking like a pufferfish of some kind) commenting on a certain someone's Facebook status again. I note in the same blog notes that I was "feeling lonely but not sure why". God, why didn't I just ditch the dodo and get on with my life. With hindsight, having now found the man I believe would have been my soulmate (but too late in life), I curse the fact I ever set my heart on that little creep in Canada.
July 13th 2012
David had a job interview in the morning while I helped Mum to photograph, weigh and otherwise prepare her latest lot of eBay junk to sell. Then, when David arrived at Woodberry, I overheard her complaining to him that I wouldn't throw the stuff away!
He and I walked to Sainsburys to buy bread. It began raining almost as soon as we left the house though and he was tired following on from his interview so I only walked less than 2000 steps. No wonder I was gaining weight!
Despite being tired, he actually decided to re-paint the openings between the extension, family history room and kitchen. He made things worse instead of better though, creating more bumps in the paintwork on a different wall and splitting his trousers in the process. He also stressed me out by shouting the entire time he was working about how he had nowhere to wash his paintbrushes etc. Mum told him to take then back to Grottsville and wash them in the garden there. He reminded her that the garden was so overgrown there that he couldn't even get out of the back door.
He then did a bit of hoovering as my allergies were bad again (I'd actually rubbed my nose raw as it itched so badly) but the hoover packed up before he'd finished the job. Mum got hungry and yelled at him to leave and return to Grottsville at 7.45pm. And so life went on...
By the time he did leave, Mum was in a terrible mood and in full swing shouting at me. She said I "shouldn't do market research" (media studies) and should look at colleges an hour away from here. I told her I had no interest in business studies and had never even noticed them before. She said I "couldn't have looked very well if I'd not seen business studies on the college websites before". But never mind, she "wouldn't have the cheek to advise me like my wog friends in the US and Canada".
As it is now five years on and totally irrelevant, I can't remember how the argument progressed. Apparently I told her that she and David had failed me educationally and she snapped back, "We failed you all right. If that's what you want to hear. But you're old enough not to need our help now." Is that why she was still stopping me from doing anything I suggested or tried to do?
Apparently I was also to blame for her not seeing the rest of her family more often. "I never see anything of Emma because of you," she snarled. "If you left my house, I'd see 10x more of her!"
I worked on my ride website, adding some BAFCO rides and realising I had no idea when any of them were released. Freddie Bailey still hadn't been in touch about the Coin Slot newspapers. I was starting to lose hope.
July 14th 2012
Someone uploaded a video of the MLP panel at Comic Con on Youtube.
I don't think I ever actually finished watching it, and I certainly don't have time or inclination to do so now. All I've written in my blog notes was that Tabitha looks a lot younger than I thought and that she shared a microphone with Tara Strong who seemed to be hogging it for all she was worth! Oh, and there was an "awful song which made the bronies excited". No idea what I'm talking about but those were clearly my 21-year-old self's thoughts!
I walked to Lammas Park - twenty six minutes and just over 3000 steps - and had a good giggle at a naughty dog named Alfie.
My light pleasure was short lived though. Mum was in an awful mood when I got back and quickly depressed me again. She said that she wanted "all of my stuff gone from the hobby room". She was "sick of the little princess getting everything she wanted" (David offering to post my eBay parcel for me...she'd thrown it across the room while I was out). She then screamed at David and threatened to write on the wall again unless he "stopped doing princess jobs". Well, what was I supposed to do when the post office was two miles away, there was no car and David actually passed the post office in between his two buses back to Grottsville every day?
David was in a terrible temper too. He'd had two job offers but declined them both due to hours and pay. One of them actually wanted him to work five days for three days' wages! Then he broke his toenail and spent ages chipping little bits off of it all over the extension floor. He promised to hoover but then rushed off to Grottsville and forgot to do so.
I did some more work on the ride website. I finally heard back from Freddie Bailey who offered me the entire Coin Slot collection for a discount price of £500. Apparently he named his price depending on the buyer... I was so excited that I hastily accepted without even hesitating to question the quality or completeness of the newspapers...
July 15th 2012
I was struggling with bad lady problems again. Mum called me at 9am and I jumped up immediately for fear of having damaged my mattress or pyjamas. I also had a bad migraine and ended up taking Nurofen (with great reluctance as I avoided taking painkillers back in those days). The headache was so bad that it did little good anyway.
David sat at the table and stopped me eating breakfast until 10.30am. He blamed me as he couldn't access his emails and said I'd changed his password incorrectly (I'm sure I hadn't but why ask me to do something for him if he didn't trust me to do so?) He took forever to change it himself which is why I was left starving on the floor for so long.
I went for a long walk and saw signs for a car boot sale. The signs lead me to the Questor's Theatre - there was nothing to be found at the boot sale (it had been open for a couple of hours so that was unsurprising really). I came back via Walpole Park where I saw the funfair was visiting again. The carousel wasn't there though.
I didn't stop for long enough to ask if they held any classes at the theatre and ran back as fast as I could. I was home in 37 minutes but Mum was still in a panic that I had "been out too long".
This triggered yet more arguments and nastiness. David started saying that I should have gone to ANY school when I was a child, however bad it was. Mum rattled my confidence by saying that I "wouldn't be able to pass a basic English or maths test" and "couldn't deal with people as I'd drive them mad with the high pitched, whiny tone of my voice". She then started telling me that I "mustn't let any man talk me into having kids" again. At that point in time, I'd given up on my own life and thought a new generation was the only good that could come out of my pitiful existence. So Mum wanted to crush that too, of course.
What chance did I have of ever getting to the having kids stage anyway? I'd set my heart on a nasty little weirdo on the other side of the Atlantic. His photograph had popped up on my mum's Facebook and she couldn't stop poking fun at him for being an "insignificant short person" as he couldn't be seen behind his mother in the picture. Great coming from her at only 4' 10"!
Well, one of my weirdo eBay buyers kept enquiring about "my partner" (clearly trying to find out if I had one). Maybe I should have followed that up. It couldn't have gone more awry than where the saga of Canadian freak was clearly headed at this point!