Sunday, 12 August 2007

Spammers, a Sore Toe, and Isolation - "Make the best of it, girl! This is your life!"

Current mood:  comfortable
Yep, I'm here for another rant!  Joy, oh joy!
So yesterday morning, I go to change my socks.  I take the right one off, and have a little bit of difficulty so I tug thing I know, OUCH!  My right big toenail must have got snagged in the fabric, and a whole slither of it has come off from right down the side along with the sock!!!  It wasn't too painful, so I just soaked it for about five minutes in warm, soapy water, put my clean sock on, and went on my way. 
I forgot all about it by last night, when I went to turn the computer off.  I'd been sitting down for some time, and got an awful shock when I tried to walk.  The toe had got REALLY sore.  I staggered upstairs, and soaked it again, before going to bed.  But about half an hour later, I was awake, and the sore toe was throbbing and throbbing even when I made sure it  wasn't touching against anything.
So at 5.30am, I realised I'd have to get up (meaning disturbing Mum since I don't have my own bed), and bathe it again.  I was shocked to find it had become really red and inflamed, and I could not walk on it at all.  I managed to stagger back to bed by using the other side of my right foot, and overslept until 10.30am, meaning I missed the TV commercials, and don't know if an ad came on for the new retro MLP sets or not.  AGH!  And the Hasbro adverts just started last weekend for the summer holidays too... 
I've still got the foot trouble now, and I think it'll continue to hurt until the nail grows back up...for now though, I'm just bathing it three or four times a day, and that seems to ease the pain for a while...
Then, I log into my MLP Rescue Home Forum to find that there's been more trouble on there.  A member had PM'd me to say that loads of filthy comments had been posted on the thread where I showed pictures of all of my ponies on the living room floor last year. I never got to see the comments, since my kind co-admin, Laura, had already deleted them.
I've now had to make it so no guests can post on there (Only registered members), but about seven people have signed up in the past three hours, and they, let's just say slightly "un-pony names"...  They haven't written anything yet...but only time will tell what will happen to my forum in the long run.  
I still had no idea how so many strange people were getting in to spam the forum.  (We had a total of 204 GUESTS at one point yesterday!!! )  So I tried typing the full address for the appropriate thread into Google, and found that not one, but TWO seperate message boards had featured items on the weird 17-year-old (I'm 16, actually) of West London who collects ponies, and they've been writing filthy comments basically about how I'll never get a boyfriend unless I bin the ponies.  "Ah, but at least she's not a woman aged 30+.  That really would be odd." somebody said.  Excuse me, I know several happily married pony collectors aged 30 and over!  I'm not going to give them publicity by posting the links here, but if anyone wants to see, hit me up with a Myspace message. *Wink*
As for my other news, I haven't left the house since we went on an organised tree walk around the parks near where we should be moving on Thursday night.  It was very interesting, although a group of drunken yobs even had to ambush that (and this is the supposedly "nice area" - England is awful these days!) by copying the guide, picking leaves from a rare North American tree, sniffing them, and informing us that they did not smell of parsnip, but of dog's p*ss.  How nice.   Also, I was somewhat depressed since it now looks like we won't be moving.
"Huh?  Why's that?", I hear you ask.  Remember how I told you about Mum's money worries?  Well, today the money in the account is actually LESS than she put in, and shares are continuing to drop.  So far she's lost about one thousand pounds ($2000) when she could have had five thousand pounds ($10,000) interest on top, had she put the money in the "lower interest" account. 
Yeah, so basically I'm ruined.  I started crying again earlier, and said, "I want to go home!" (the new house) really to myself, only for Mum to walk into the room and say, "Pack it in!  You ARE home!"  I looked at her.  "No, I'm not." I replied. "This is where I'm stuck until life begins."  She looked back at me.  "This IS your life!  Make the best of it!" she said.
How can I make the best of it, when nothing in it is my choice.   I'm not allowed out, my clothes are chosen for me, I can't even try drama lessons, even though I know I'm no good anyway...
Oh, and about leaving the house on my own.  Elisabeth has been keeping on at me to push for what I want, so I gave it a try today.  I told Mum how I wanted to go out on my own.  "Why?" She asked.  "Just for a bit of freedom." I said.  "No-one's stopping you." she said.  But this area is awful!  I can't go out here, and there's nowhere to go that isn't a full bus ride away.  I just want a little short trip to  start off with.  "I haven't got a door key anyway." I said.  "Use mine then." She replied.  "I never go anywhere."  But as I said before, there's nowhere to go.  Then an idea hit me.
Mum's going to the dentist on Tuesday, so I thought I could travel with her on the bus, and walk around the nearby shopping centre while she's at her appointment.  But the look on her face when I suggested that is not something I want to see again.   *Sighs*  Everything that's ever said to me is a lie.
She's said she's definitely not going to PonyCON, but I'm not supposed to go on my own either.  Looks like I might not be going after I still won't meet Laura.
My only way of communication is through the internet, and they want to stop that now.  Dad kept wanting to use the phone today, and moaned about me spending "20 hours a day" on the machine.  Well, that's an exaggerration for sure - I sleep for much more than four hours a night!  But now they're talking about restricting my hours on here I'm going to be even more isolated.
Mum's convinced that I'm going to be murdered when she leaves me at home on Tuesday (since I'm not allowed to go with her), since I dared to tell a Canadian e-friend I was going to be on my own.   (We are intending on making a recording of a favourite song via webcam, and I told her when I'd have some privacy)  What does she think?  My Canadian friend is going to turn out to be a mad gunman (even though I regularly have her speak to me on webcam), and book a flight in time for Tuesday?
And as for those who said I'd be able to get out of the house for college, Mum's trying to arrange distance courses via snail-mail now.  WTH?  What's the point of learning if I'm not going to be allowed out to get a job.   Are they going to arrange work-from-home for me...or maybe accompany me to job interviews?
Whatever the case, my dreams of ever going to "boring" Canada to live, an certainly "being paid for old rope" as a voice artiste/actress get slimmer by the day...  Even "risking my life for vanity" AKA getting my teeth straightened seems unlikely...  But then if I'm going to spend my life in this dim house, who cares what I look like?
I uploaded new photos last night, and am about to change my "About Me" profile before I go to bed.  Please take a look through the photos - I spent about two hours, and deleted over 100 pictures to get down to these few.  My default pic sums up my feelings right now better than any of the others though, and it looks better in thumbnail form, so maybe it's best you don't look at them in more detail!
Bye for now, and best wishes,

Depressee...I mean, Desiree  xxx

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