Friday, 23 November 2007

A Short Blog About The Laziest Member Of My Family

Current mood:  confused
I'm sick of my father never getting on and doing anything.  He claims that he's very busy at work right now.  Right, fair enough.  I understand that.  But he's NOT busy at work right now at all.  He said that he needed to work last night when he came home, and that he didn't have time to do anything else.  This included packing up the Beanie Baby we're supposed to be sending to Mum's Pony-Finding-Family-History-E-pal because its name is the surname they're researching (Not telling you what that is, because "Mother's maiden name" seems to be the security question on just about every single bank account!  I'm not totally dumb! )
Anyhow, we told her we were sending her a surprise package three days ago, but David still hadn't bothered to set aside five minutes to help us cut a box down to the right size (I'm useless at that kind of thing, and Mum can hardly see these days ).  So last night, Mum told him that she'd told her friend that the parcel had actually been posted three days ago (It's the only way to get David to do anything) and he got so angry.  "Why do you have to tell your friends anythink?"  Um...simple conversation, David?  Mum then annoyed him further by saying she'd told Jill (her friend) that we didn't have a working flusahing toilet downstairs and David hadn't bothered to look into fixing it.  He was so mad.  We're not supposed to say a word about our lives apparently.  Well...where would you lot think I came from if I didn't talk about my home life?  Mars?!  Yep, I'm an alien, aren't I?!  Actually, maybe I don't want to hear your replies on that one...   God help me if he ever finds this blog.  He'd probably kill me.  We're supposed to act out "Happy Families" all the time.
Anyway, we finally pressurised him into cutting the box down.  He wanted to grab the first box he found which had contained a rather expensive money box we didn't really want Jill to know we had bought (see, we do keep some secrets!) so we asked Dad to get another box, and cut it down to the right size for the little Beanie Baby.  He did get another box, but in doing so, he knocked all of the stuff that's out in the kitchen for recycling down!  And then it just wouldn't pile up again (Well, it is about the height of the entire back door) so we were left with the stuff repeatedly falling down all night, and Mum having to pick it up, since it was "her fault he'd had to get the second box out""Well, why don't you take the recycling to Tesco?" Mum asked him (The only reason he even does recycling these days is because he can get a whole penny for four items!  He never cared about the enviroment... "I would do," he replied.  "But you keep making me take you out at weekends!"  Well, why can't he do it during the week?  Am I supposed to stay in seven days a week instead of five now?   What a way to waste a life...
And he didn't fax the orthodontist again either.  He had "no time" since he's so busy.  After we both went to the communal bed he was doing "more work" too.  I guess that's why we both heard him laughing loudly at the television as I sobbed myself to sleep...
I'm sick of it.  I really need to get out of here.  I have so few family members left, and none of them understand me, or would care if they did.  I can't stand going nowhere with life.  I am not lazy, contrary to popular belief.  I'm working so hard to clear the place up, and yet I can't get rid of anything because I can't get stuff to the tip or recycling centre without help from David.
And I keep on putting on more weight.  I didn't have any tea last night.  I've really cut back on what I eat.  My typical old daily menu (when I was a kid so presumably needed more calories anyway) would have looked something like this...
Large bowl of mixed shreddies and weetaflakes, banana and large glass of milk
An entire tin of Cheese and tomato ravioli and six boiled potato pieces (three or four potatos)  And for dessert a tin of peaches, grapes and papaya
One cottage cheese sandwich, one piece of bread spread with fattening vegetarian Tartex yeast spread or Olivio, Four scotch pancakes spread with Olivio and two pots of Fromage Frais.
These days my daily calorie intake looks more like this:
Small bowl of mixed shreddies and weetaflakes or sometimes cornflakes for a change and a banana.  NO glass of milk.
Low fat vegetarian meal with extra vegetables (shouldn't be too calorific).  NO dessert.  On Saturdays, I have chips...but we always used to have them on Tuedays and Saturdays anyway!
One slice of bread spread very thinly with Olivio.  NO second slice of bread, scotch pancakes or Fromage Frais.  Sometimes I'll have a muffin, apple turnover, croissant or some other delicacy instead of the bread, but that's rare.
So why do I keep getting fatter.  Can someone tell me...pretty please? If my belly keeps growing, people will start thinking I'm pregnant.  (There's no chance of that, by the way! )  I just don't know what to do.  My clothes are falling to bits but I can't replace them...I need to be myself, but there's no way that's going to happen anytime soon.
Oh, and Mum's told me to stop using the term "anytime soon".  It's "too American" apparently.  Bleh.  I'll be living far nearer to America than I am to England

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