Friday, 8 August 2008

Too many thoughts buzzing around my head - what can I do?!

Current mood:  stressed
 
First off, for the attention of my sister.  I am pretty sure you're not even talking to me now, much less reading this blog, but I just want it out in the open that Mum  obviously mis-interpreted what I said to her, with her lack of knowledge when it comes to computers, and passed the message on to you.  I never accused you of writing to anyone - what I said to Mum was that maybe somebody had contacted YOU, which would give you access to their account, even if you didn't respond.  I know that from past experience when someone contacted me re. the petition I signed up there solely to sign.  I very rarely use Facebook, and don't understand the site at all.  But it was me who suggested to Mum that maybe you were in the same network (London) as the other account, and that's why you could see it and we couldn't.  I refuse to list myself under London - I am not proud to live here, as everybody well knows!  However, by the time Mum took the time to listen to me, and check her facts, she had already sent that message.  I'm so sorry all this has happened.  I was really looking forward to meeting up with you, and I fear that by the time all this is over, you'll be back at work and we'll never have the opportunity.
I'm feeling rather glum right now, so I'm sorry if that reflects in this blog.  It would be Grandma and Grandad's 55th wedding anniversary today, and I really wish they were still around to celebrate.  I miss them so much.
So what has happened today?  Nothing much.  It was David's last day at work, so that means we will be pretty much broke from now on, and I will most likely never have another opportunity to make any recordings or even practise singing and voice acting up in the communal bedroom.  And once we move to Woodberry the walls are so much thinner there, I just know the neighbours will complain if any of us so much as whisper, much less if I start screaming in a strange Canadian guinea pig's voice.
David and I went to Tesco tonight, and I was in one of my stupid moods.  I almost put our shopping in someone else's trolley, knocked some cardboard boxes off of a shelf, and recognised another customer, although I couldn't think where from until it was too late.  I figured out in the end it was one of the coach drivers (namely Roy, the one who drove us to Great Yarmouth and Wales).  I think he was having similar "Where do I know her from?" thoughts about me, and must think I'm ever so rude for not saying hello to him at the time.
My next orthodontist appointment is on Wednesday, and I'm already stressing myself out about it.  Before we went to Tesco, the subject came up and I said I was having the treatment done.  Mum has gone into a silent stressed state now, and we all know what it's about.  I simply can't have it done, can I?  She's going to be no support to me at all throughout the process, and I can do without the worry of stressing her on top of all the things that could go wrong.  She thinks I didn't hear her, but when I came downstairs from the bathroom she was quite obviously having a conversation with David about "dangerous oral surgery".  David then did a "wink, wink, nod, nod" kind of action at the door when he noticed I was the other side of it. Oh dear.  I just don't know what to do.  My life is messed up either way.  I either stick with the ugly teeth, so I don't feel comfortable smiling and refuse to speak to anybody unless I hold my top lip down over my teeth in an awkward manner.  Or I get the treatment done, probably kill Mum in the process, and even if I survive the two anaesthetics, I could come out looking worse (flat face/elongated face, whatever they said) and not be able to open my mouth or speak - especially not in different voices and accents - anyway. 
Sorry for ranting about the same subject.  I will shut up now.
Mum is in a stressed state anyway.  You know how she kept losing weight, and had no idea why?  Well, she's put herself in such fear of cancer, that she wants to "prove that she can put the weight back on" and has started consuming vast quantities of food.  She has made herself feel thoroughly sick now, and she can't eat any more.  But don't worry, she has put on 3lb so she feels a little better now.
The road is full of drunks tonight - I just heard a gang of men shouting, and then a woman screaming loudly.  I really hate this place.
I wonder what's going on at Woodberry now?  The architect isn't even back until at least Monday.  I'm sick of it.
Well, that's about all I have to say.
Bye for now,
Desiree Skylark  xxx

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