Monday, 9 March 2009

I don't know where I'm going... but it certainly ain't California! :(

Current mood:  disappointed

I've had it with all this nonsense.  Nothing makes sense anymore, and nobody seems to be able to make their minds up about anything.
You know I said I was confused about California last night?  My parents were saying they'd cancelled it early one morning before I got up (despite the fact I kind of hear everything sub-conciously now that I sleep on the lounge floor), but then said we were still going?  Turns out David cancelled it (even behind Mum's back) last night at the internet cafe.  So no, we're not going.  I shall be stranded on this nasty little island on my 18th birthday, and most likely still in Grottsville.
Now that California is gone, Mum is sulking.  I knew it was unlikely we'd go anyways, but it seems she really thought we were going, despite saying we weren't.  She made a big show of placing her California books decoratively in the bin this morning (almost like you'd see books spread out on a coffee table in a room set in a magazine! )...then dug them out later today.  She says she has NO interest at all in moving to Woodberry now that the holiday is out the window, and started going on about letting the house again.  I managed to keep quite calm for my standards and just went out in the kitchen...to eat yet another hot cross bun.  AGH!  More about my comfort eating in a moment...
Yeah, so she says she's letting Woodberry.  Then that won't get the money back fast enough to pay the loan, so she's selling it.  Then she can't stand this or that mistake that Sickton made and she wishes she didn't have to live with it.  I am thoroughly addled.  I guess I just have to cling on to a dream and hope we move eventually even if I have to lose my penultimate teenage summer to my parents' endless quarrels and sulking.
Oh well, maybe now we're not going away I will get my ears pierced after all.  I was worried to do so in case there were complications and I was in the US, but I really wanted to get it done before my 18th.  Just a random thought there!
Back on track, the latest stress-related health thing is that I keep comfort eating.  All the time I feel like I NEED to have something in my mouth.  I'm not hungry, in fact I feel sick, I just keep going in the kitchen looking for something edible!  I've been through four hot cross buns today, and I even keep looking at cans of spaghetti and thinking I'd eat them cold!  How crazy is that?
I just weighed myself last night and I'm almost nine stone again.  And this is the spring preceeding the summer when I finally wanted to be normal and go to the seaside wearing slightly less than a coat and thick pair of trousers!   I think I have my work cut out, but I'm determined to lose weight before summer.  In fact, I think I shall set my birthday as the target and start later this week...  It's going to be pretty hard from this area where I can't even leave the house on my own to walk off any calories though.
Last night I timidly started trying to do a bit of exercise, just simple running on the spot in a few short stints (actually during the commercial breaks in Dancing On Ice! ) to get myself moving again.  But even after that much, my legs are killing me.  It also doesn't help that one of my toenails got caught and partially ripped off when I changed my socks yesterday morning.  Ow!  It's so sore when I put my shoes on because they press right on that part of my foot. >.<
Oh, and as for my clever idea about transcribing the old childhood diaries that my mum kept for me on my blog, I can't really figure out how to do so.  It would appear that if I submit them as having been written at the time the diaries were actually written (Rather than the present day), they go right back to the start of my blog...except when I view all entries.  Then they come up at the top of the page!  They don't come up on blog subscriptions (for those of you subscribed to my blog) at all, but do appear on status updates.  I think I just lost what remained of my brain trying to figure out Myspace blogging!
Well, I enjoyed an exciting trip out tonight (Mum refused to come, too depressed about California) to Borders, Toys 'R' Us and Sainsburys!   I'm not sure why David wanted to go in Borders because we couldn't afford anything, but it's on the way to TRU, I guess.  My real purpose for going to TRU was that I needed to buy some stuff for my first ever trade involving actual MLPs (See?  I'm trying to cure myself of the pony-hoarding sickness.  Maybe if I can actually send out ponies that I bought specifically for trading, I can also eventually move some of my other duplicates - I'd never get rid of all of them though, some hold such special memories and stories of close friends or deceased relatives...)  Anyways, I'm trading with Seahorse on the Trading Post - she's got me two of the Dolly Mix Ponies, Easter Cheerilee, Newborn Cutie Cheerilee and a plushie Pinkie Pie.
The last few times I went to TRU they had a buy one get one free offer, so I really wanted to surprise her with an extra pony...  But just my luck, the offer had ended.  And most of the ponies had been sold too!   I managed to get her Name on Leg Sweetie-Belle and one of the new Ponyville double packs with wigs.  The very last pack they had, in fact.  She's kindly agreed to take some accessories I already had in my trade box to make up the extra trade value, so now I need to get all this stuff packed up and sent out to her.
Oh dear, and yes, I have to confess.  I bought myself a little cheer-up gift at TRU as well.  Well, not so little actually.   I bought the La-Ti-Da Salon with Cheerilee.  I know I'm bad - please don't shout at me!  I don't intend on buying any of the new stuff that's set to come out in time for Christmas though, so at least expensive G3 collecting is coming to an end for me now.  And in my defense, I did have a TRU voucher that came through the post, so I got £5 off my purchase.
In Sainsburys they had the Ponyville Rollerskate Party Cake reduced to £4.99!  I don't know if anybody wants it, but thought I should let people know anyways.  Now I'm annoyed because I paid £14.99 for mine at Argos (it was originally £19.99 here in the UK), but mine did have bonus ponies with it.
I think that's all that happened today really.  I wish I could get rid of some of this uncertainty as regards the future.  Even if I knew (heaven forbid) we WEREN'T moving house now, it would be better than all this hanging on.  I mean, yes, of course I'm disappointed about California, but I feel so much better knowing where I stand.
I'm also starting to panic about Caroline's wedding.  Time is ticking by so quickly and how the heck am I going to save up to go to Vancouver in time for June 2010 if I can't even get a job?!
Right, I'm really off now.  I'll try to write another 1994 blog tomorrow, if I can just figure out how to post them where they don't get lost whilst still keeping them away from my day-to-day modern life blogs...
Best wishes,
Desirée Skylark  xxx

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