Thursday, 9 April 2009

Those who don't try never look foolish...

Current mood:  silly

That title has absolutely no connection with this blog.  I just can't think of a clever one and typed the first line I heard on my CD.  I'm in a silly mood, as you can tell!
I went mad last night, having been kept in all day again.  Another of my uncontrollable screaming fits, tearing at the curtains.  I'm scaring myself.  I believe I'm truly going mad in here, and I feel so bad with Mum clasping her chest every time I so much as speak (apparently my voice stresses her?) let alone start screaching.
I had an awful night.  There's not enough space to stretch out so I sleep with my knees bent...and after two months it's really starting to hurt to have to sleep like that.  I woke up three times in agony from squashing my left arm between my body and the hard floor.  And then I can't get back to sleep with anxiety attacks and thinking about all our problems.  Then when I finally did get to sleep (having attempted to stretch out the best I could with my feet and lower legs on top of a pile of Mum's magazines), I woke up at 5am to find a whole load of stuff had fallen on top of me and had to pick it all up.   I quickly went back to sleeping with my legs bent under me.
Then when I got up, I put my plushie Pinkie Pie on top of all the junk on one of our armchairs where she lives now, and noticed this huge black bag full of Beanie Babies was creaking loudly, sounding like it was going to fall soon.  So I decided to sort it out after I'd been upstairs and got dressed.
I get upstairs and look in the mirror.  I have HUGE spots coming up all over my face and neck.  Not surprising.  This is how I always was before I got a couple of packs of Nivea Visage cleansing wipes on my last lone shopping trip (back in early NOVEMBER).  That's forty "daily" wipes to last five months.  You do the maths.  I started out making each one last two days which worked pretty well.  But I've been using the penultimate one for THREE WEEKS, and is literally black with mascara and just general dirt (sorry if I'm making you all feel sick here!), so if I try to use it I'm actually smearing more dirt around my face.    I can't go on using this broken mascara for much longer either...
I get downstairs to hear Mum yelling at David, "Don't go near it.  All her MLP prototypes are down there and everything!"  Yes, you guessed it.  The Beanie Babies had collapsed...on top of Paradise Estate, my MLP prototypes and all my DVDs and CDs including my signed copy of Janyse's "Magic Of Christmas".  Luckily, nothing was broken but I was not impressed to have to spend another section of my morning clearing up after a landslide in this dump.  And now I can't get the Beanies back on the armchair so they're in my way as far as any more clearing up goes.
Then Mum went down to the doctor for a blood test, so I spent that time making a few recordings.
When she got back she tells me she asked for an appointment while she was down there...and she can't get one until the end of June!  WTH?  I'm sorry, but that's just not acceptable.  And if she wants an emergency appointment she has to ring up a receptionist who will get a doctor to ring her "within 24 hours" and judge if she really needs to be seen...  Then they'll "try to fit her in the same day".  That's just not right, is it?!
We went to Boston Manor Park (a park near to Woodberry) to feed the ducks in the afternoon to try and take Mum's mind off of her breathlessness for a while and see if it helped.  But she was actually struggling to get around the duck pond.  We saw another rat running around over there (nice, I guess they're taking over everywhere).  There was a mandarin duck there too - I suppose it must have escaped from somewhere - which I kept pointing out to Mum, but she now says she didn't see.
Then to Woodberry, where someone has obviously been in there to look at the smelly loo, absolutely drenched the bathroom floor and poured a load of bleach in the toilet.  I hope they haven't just attempted to cover the smell in the hopes that we won't notice they haven't done anything to resolve the actual problem.  And there's still no running water in the kitchen either.  Meanwhile, we drove past two other houses they're working on in the area at the moment, and saw a team of men busily running about.  So why do they take so long to do anything for us?!
Mum managed to get upstairs today, and actually likes the colours in the loft now, but she still wants to change the colour in the hobby room.  Just as well really after she scratched the walls up in her last fit of rage.
I just want to move to Woodberry.  I enjoyed sitting in the cupboard and trying to make some recordings again.  Even with there still being no carpets and huge gaps under the doors creating ridiculous echoes, I can tell I could make nice recordings over there.
I mentioned how desperately I want to move so that I can start amateur voice acting this evening.  David's answer?  "I told you we should have got broadband!"  Well, who would have thought we'd still be here after all this time?  And the cheapest broadband package was to get it for at least a year.  But more to the point, where do you propose I would go to record, father dearest?  "I don't have a bedroom." I reminded him, quietly.  "She can't get a good microphone with no desk to set it up on." Mum chimed. "Why can't you do it downstairs?" David replied.  "Nobody would even listen to you."  Oh yeah, when I'm laughing/screaming loudly in a weird accent into a microphone with a tight hanging over the top of it, nobody will even look at me, let alone be able to stifle their giggles?  Not to mention the background noise another person would cause.   David's next clever suggestion.  "Do it when we go out then."  And how often do they go out and leave me here alone?  "Even if I had the time to audition for something, how would I get my lines in by the deadline?"  David looked at me puzzled, "Lines?  What lines?"  Um...  What lines indeed?  What does he suppose a radioplay/fandub is made from?  It might be rather boring if we left out the lines, might it not?
That's all the news from the last couple of days really.  Oh, one thing I forgot to mention in my last blog!  Mum got me an Easter gift on e-Bay - a MLP bag featuring the Rollerskating Ponies.  I can't get into e-Bay to link you to the auction, but I'll take some pics when it arrives.  Someone (StrawberryFair?) started a thread about it on the Arena which was how I first heard about it.  I'd never seen it before, but couldn't afford to buy anything for my pony collection, so Mum said she'd get it for me, which I thought was really kind of her.
Mum's gone to bed now, so I think I'd better follow.  It's not fair to keep the light on and keep blogging when someone else is trying to get to sleep in the same room...even if I am enjoying listening to my Wicked CD for the first time in about a month.  There are very few things that can cheer me up when I'm feeling this down, but the music from Wicked is one of those things.  I do so wish I'd discovered it when Idina Menzel was still performing on the West End...
And finally, just in case anybody is interested and I don't have time to write a blog tomorrow, Shane's episode of Stargate SG-1 ("A Hundred Days") is on Sky2 at 6.55pm on saturday.   I've waited over four years for it to air on a channel we actually get on our TV, so I'm looking forward to seeing it at last.
Best wishes,
Desirée Skylark  xxx

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