Friday, 19 March 2010

Good luck!

Current mood:  silly

I feel sorry for anyone trying to read this blog as I can't hear myself think over a very loud TV which is showing repeats of possibly the most ridiculous episodes of 'Porridge' ever written, while my even more ridiculous father laughs uncontrollably at jokes that are not the slightest bit funny.  Meanwhile, in the real world, Mum suffers with a toothache, and I can't breathe due to my allergies.  But David doesn't even seem to notice...

Anyways, I've no clue what I'm going to be able to write with all this madness going on around me, so I wish you all the best of luck in understanding me!

February 5th 2010
I'd promised myself a nice relaxing Lush bath, but David very kindly offered us the chance to go to West Ealing (the trip he had originally promised us several days earlier) so I didn't get to follow through with my plans.

West Ealing was crowded with hundreds of coughing, sneezing people, and that's no exaggeration.  I have never seen so many sick people gathered in one place... well, other than at a hospital, of course!  Scared of catching swine flu (or any bad cold, for that matter) while I'm still sleeping on the carpet beetle-infested floor and unable to breathe), I dashed out of BHS with Mum running after me, yelling at me that the security guard would "think I was a thief".  Well, sorry, he can check my pockets if he likes - I have no interest in taking anything home with me, especially not your customers' illnesses!

In fact, we probably would have headed straight back to the car, if David hadn't wandered off and got lost in the crowds and hadn't switched his mobile phone off.  So I made the best of it, and went in all the charity shops which were relatively empty...  but Mum refused to come in and instead stood outside with the crowds of sick people, convinced that she was less likely to catch something "out in the fresh air".  In fact, she said that I was being "irresponsible" to go in the charity shops, but I don't see that I was any more likely to catch something in the shops than out in the crowded street!

Even from her place out on the street, she managed to spot something I had missed - a MLP framed picture hanging near the ceiling of one of the shops.  It set me back £2, and I'll hopefully be able to re-sell it and make a bit of a profit.  I also got two Barbie videos for 50p each, which was helpful in feeding my voice chasing obsession, as I have been unable to obtain them for less than £3 or £4 on e-Bay.

When David came in that night, he spent an hour rolling around on the patch of floor where I have to sleep, before lashing out at Mum and calling her a "burden" for "wanting to go out all the time".  Apparently, we "have caused all the Woodberry delays", but he couldn't say why.  Why the heck would we cause the delays - my breathing is getting worse with every week that passes.  There's a horrible wheezing noise every time I breathe in now, and it scares me that my voice will never recover.

After his little outburst, he retreated to the bathroom, leaving Mum crying on the sofa.  Nasty man.

The government made a swine flu announcement... to say that they wouldn't be making any more announcements on the subject, despite a further 19 people dying of the virus in the previous fortnight.  Even now, I can't help but wonder if swine flu is continuing to kill people.  This government certainly wouldn't tell us the truth about it; they just want to play it down and save money not having to vaccinate us all.

February 6th 2010

David was still in a fowl mood for no good reason - he'd left us without hot water bottles the previous night, and went straight out to Woodberry in the morning (taking his computer with him, despite promising that we could borrow it to watch a DVD we had been waiting to see) without saying two words to us.

He spent the day supposedly supervising the Polish builders who rubbed down the dado rail in the hall and removed some of their rubbish and tools.

When he came back, he refused to discuss the house with us and just went straight upstairs to sleep on the landing.  Mum tried to push the subject, but it's just like talking to a brick wall.  "Do you want to talk about anything?"  "No."  Thirty minutes later, "Do you want to talk about anything?" "NO!"  And a further thirty minutes later, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about anything?" "F*** OFF!"  It's hopeless.

He didn't want to walk down the road and get our weekly portion of chips, and even when he did finally go, he turned the football on at full volume all the time we were eating to make us feel unwanted and stop me listening to Voiceprint.

I got a confirmation message from the building society to say that I have indeed got my own current account with a debit card.  But they didn't send a cheque book, which I need in order to be able to put the "wedding money" that Mum has given me, in the vague hope that I will get married and tie myself down in England instead of having the life that I actually want, in premium bonds.  I really want it in premium bonds - at least then I have a very, very, very teeny weeny chance of winning a large sum and being able to use the "wedding money" to save myself from having to get married.  I have told Mum that if I did win the jackpot with her money I will take her to Tabletop Mountain in South Africa (well, since she's so obsessed with having a seat at the top table and all! )

Later that night David had calmed down a little and took me to the fascinating Tesco, where I was made to feel very uncomfortable by a weird bloke who stared at me like a piece of meat, and got upset because once again I saw the Cadburys Creme Egg ice lollies reduced to half price.  I think this is the fourth year they've had the offer, and we still don't have a freezer in order to try them.

February 7th 2010

We all overslept and I got blamed for going to sleep too late the night before meaning that Mum didn't get to go to the Destinations Holiday Show at Earl's Court.  But she'd said that she wasn't going, due to fear of catching swine flu, and the fact that we haven't moved house so we won't be going on holiday anywhere again this year anyway.

So we just went to Woodberry to compare the latest tile samples to the fireplace.  But these are no good either - now the mottled effect is too obvious.  I fear it's impossible to get an exact match.

I was terribly depressed, and kept bursting into tears for no real reason except for being so miserable about watching my whole life go by.

I just want someone to talk everything through with, but all Mum can do is yell at me to "shut up!" as she's "sick of hearing the same things over and over".  *Sighs*  Thank God for my internet friends!  Love you all!

I went upstairs to get out of her way and attempt to sing for the first time in a fortnight or so (and failed dismally since my throat refuses to even let me speak much these days, much less sing).  Even then Mum could hear me from downstairs, and decided to have a dig at me when I came downstairs, "Well, you'll never be as good as specially trained singers!"  Probably right, but there's no need to say that kind of thing to someone who is already deeply depressed and knows her voice will probably never recover enough from all these allergy-related problems to be able to even speak properly, let alone ever be able to sing professionally.  It's also a bit unfair to say to someone who has never had the opportunity to take singing lessons that she'll never be as good as people who have been trained too.  Who knows what I could have done, if I had been given the chance?

And speaking of unfairness, Heather Mills was voted off of Dancing on Ice.  Okay, I know a lot of people don't like her, but surely that wasn't right when Hilary Jones was still in the competition?!  Heather could skate a whole lot better than him, even with only one leg!

Well, that's everything for now, you'll be pleased to know... I hope at least some of this blog was grammatically clear enough to be understood.  Tune in tomorrow for another incoherent blog!

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

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