Friday, 30 July 2010

I was born to love you, and I will never be free...

Current mood: tired
God help us all.  I'm back to the lyrical titles, so I think we know how boring this blog entry is going to be!
June 11th 2010

Mum and I went for another boring walk up and down the road.  We saw "Scar Face" standing outside the post office again, leering at me as we walked past.  Ew...  What a creep.  I wish we could just leave this place once and for all!

I was terribly depressed that the longest day was coming up again and I was still trapped in this house, wasting my very last teenage summer.  I tried to cheer myself up a little by singing "Farewell to Perivale", a little song I have written to the tune of Hairspray's "Good Morning Baltimore".  The lyrics are as follows (Yes, I know they're quite pathetic in places and lazy in others where the original lyrics seemed to fit my situation pretty well, but it was only really written as a joke between myself and a couple of e-friends originally!):
Uh uh oh,
Woke up and sneezed...
Feeling... Quite pleased?
What was that dream?
Uh uh oh,
Visions of that life I hunger for;
That life I'd adore!

The voice in my head,
Repeats what she said,
My heartbeat quickens - she can't be wrong!
Uh uh oh,
She says that soon I'll have all that I've dreamed of so long!

Farewell to Perivale!
Every day's made me weep and wail! (Aah-aah...)
Every night sleeping on the floor,
Disturbed by loud music from next door.
Farewell to Perivale!
And once I have escaped from your jail,  (Ooh-ooh...)
The world's gonna look up and see... (Aaah!)
Skylark's flying free!

Uh uh oh,
Happy at last,
Forgetting my past - I leave today!
Uh uh oh,
Now that my future's an open door,
I'm keen to explore!

The rats on the street, (Ooh...)
All dance around my feet.  (Ooh...)
You'd swear they say,
"Skylark, it's up to you!"
So uh oh,
Don't hold me back 'cause today all my dreams will come true! (Today all her dreams will come true!)

Farewell to Perivale!
Where knives and drugs are always for sale! (Aah-aah...)
Where thugs smash windows each night with glee,
Then pop into your garden to pee.
Farewell to Perivale!
And once I have escaped from your jail,
The world's gonna look up and see...
Skylark's flying free!

I dance every step,  (Ooh... Ooh-ooh!)
I sing every song, (Ooh-ooh!)
I dream of that place where I belong. (Where she belongs!)
I see all those party lights shining ahead, (Ooh-ooh!)
So someone invite me before I drop dead! (Before she drops dead!)

Please give me a second glance, (Ooh...  Ooh-ooh!)
'Cause if I had a chance, (Ooh-ooh!)
I know I'd go far. (She'd go far!)
Uh uh oh, (Ooh... Ooh-ooh!)
Now that we're finally on the move, (On the move...)
My chances improve! (Chances improve!)

My family say, "NO!"
But my friends tell me, "GO!"
Sometimes you have to follow your heart.
So uh oh,
Don't make me wait one more moment for my life to start!
(Farewell to... Farewell to... Waiting for her life to start!)

We hate you, Perivale!
Every day's made me weep and wail! (Aah-aah...)
Every night sleeping on the floor,
Disturbed by loud music from next door.
And we vow, dear Perivale!
That once I have escaped from your jail,  (Aaah...)
The world's gonna look up and see...
Gonna look up and see...
Skylark's flying free! (Yes, more or less we all agree)
Skylark's flying free! (Someday the world is gonna see)
Skylark's flying free! (She's free!)

It was the first time I had attempted recording it with Audacity's software rather than using my broken old camera's voice recording setting, which meant I could make a backing track as well.  It might have come out sounding pretty nice, but it's so hard for me to breathe with these allergies - I just can't hold the notes anymore.

David had to go to the doctor with a bad cough, which had obviously been brought on by sleeping on the floor with all these carpet beetles and the general dirt and dust in this house.  Mum was in a fowl mood and refusing to discuss moving house though (convinced that she wouldn't like the new wallpaper which she hadn't even seen at this point).  She said that she didn't have to move as she
"wasn't ill like David and me"!

David didn't come in until 11pm and then expected me to go to Tesco with him (so no blog got written again that night!)  I was tired out at that time of night, but had to do all the shopping while he browsed through various newspapers - and held onto the trolley, meaning I had to carry each individual item back to him!  He got cross with me for wanting to look at the ponies though!
June 12th 2010

When I had gone to get changed for bed the previous night, I had found page 3 carefully torn out of one of the dirty newspapers and hung up on the airer ON TOP OF MY CLEAN TOWEL!  Okay, it's bad enough that my father finds it necessary to constantly sit on the loo, cutting out pictures of topless young women, giving them marks out of ten for the size of their chests and saving them forever at 63 years of age, but when he knows how I feel about these things, he could at least have the manners not to hang them up on top of my clean laundry!  My laundry wouldn't even be hanging on the airer if not for the fact that I have nowhere else to store it until it's needed, thanks to him filling EVERY bedroom with the results of his disgusting habits.  Ugh.

Well, needless to say, I was not in the best of moods for the rest of the day.  And Mum was also in a fowl mood which didn't help matters.  Apparently, in my anger, I had said that
"all men are perverts but David is an extreme case" or something, which means that my mum and Emma are perfectly justified in calling my friend a "pedo perve".  However, I think there's a difference between saying that a 63-year-old man who spends practically every hour of every day thinking of young girls and filling the house with pornographic images and other horrific things (to the extent that his own daughter has never even had a bed) is a pervert, and comparing a guy none of us have ever even met to a pedophile just because he's been nice to me via e-mail and happens to be quite a few years older than me.  I'm pretty certain he'd never have any interest in me in that sense anyway, and since I'm well over the legal age of consent, he's hardly a pedophile, even if he is in his early 30s.

Later, I was struggling to breathe and started panicking that
"my lungs were packing up", to which Mum responded, "Good".  Nice, huh?

I wrote a long blog... then accidentally deleted it.  No wonder I'm so far behind with this thing!

It was the day of the first World Cup football match for England - I'm not a football fan, so I didn't watch it.  I was more concerned about the large number of drunk men wandering around outside and causing trouble. (the family history site) had free access to certain records during the game, so Mum hoped to be able to do some research, but the site crashed due to there being so many users all trying to view it at once.  She still had a long internet session though, which gave me a chance to take some new Myspace profile pictures... including the horrific one you see to the left of this blog.  Ew...  Perhaps I should have gone easier on the eyeshadow.  Wouldn't have helped the huge ugly mouth though, would it?!

Mum watched the Trooping the Colour flypast from the back door and got upset that I didn't show more interest.  But there was no way that two of us could have fitted by the door and we can't go out in the back garden because of the rats.

Well, I'm never going to catch up at this rate, but I'm going to have to leave it there again as Mum wants to go to sleep.  Talk to you all soon, okay?

Best wishes,

Desirée  xxx

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