Thursday, 22 March 2012

"Mother Knows Best!"

As my own Mum keeps telling me.  Usually I'd say she were right, we could all do with listening to our mums more often but certain things she says hit raw nerves.  I've been talking to a certain someone online almost every night for four and a half years.  We have developed a special bond which I know I personally will never feel for anyone else (that sounds like a childish thing to say, but if you got inside my head and saw my pure fear and loathing of most men, you'd know I'm not the sort to let just anyone into my life...I have never had a boyfriend, have never felt the slightest bit interested in a relationship with anybody, and don't expect those feelings to change anytime soon).  Now he wishes to meet me.  Well, certain health issues have stopped those plans anyway, but I am so depressed about it all and keep breaking down as I know he should be here right now.  Instead of that, I know it is unlikely we shall ever see each other in real life now and I will spend the rest of my life alone wondering about what might have been...because I sure as HECK couldn't settle for second best unless I had at least tried it with this guy.

Anyway, Mum says that "internet people are not real people" even if you do talk to each other on webcam for two or three hours every night.  So she threw a big tantrum, yelling at me for wanting to "run off with some bloke I've never even met".  WTH?  I thought the whole point was that I wanted to meet this guy for three weeks, not "run off with him".  It's hard when you live in different countries but you have to break the ice and meet up sometime.  Anyway, then she flipped that I "couldn't just meet him as I'd be raising his hopes".  What?  How am I raising his hopes if I wanted to meet him with the intention of getting to know him better?  We both understand there's a big chance we wouldn't get along in real life, but how are you ever to know unless you give it a try?  I'm not as stupid as she seems to think.  Of course I wouldn't run off with someone I'd never even met, but you can't spend your life not meeting people just in case you don't get along and it's a disappointment.  What's there to lose?  I'm sensible, I trust this guy.  If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but at least we'd KNOW it hadn't worked and could move on with our lives.  Mum seems to be so scared of disappointment (or rejection?) that she thinks it's better to just coat yourself in protective cotton wool and never talk to anyone in the outside world.  Perhaps I should just curl up in the corner and die.  After all, simply opening my mouth could upset some random person who wanted to become my friend/partner/neighbour/pet guinea pig if it didn't work out!

Or maybe it's just a ploy to stop me talking to any member of the opposite sex other than her stereotypical "perfect man".  That is, a tall, rich, handsome, "pure English" boy of exactly the same age as myself who lives locally, goes to work and keeps me at home as a quiet little housewife with 20 darling grandchildren for her.  Ew... Maybe I really SHOULD just curl up in the corner and die.  Anything is better than that!

Anyways, enough of my ranting.  Having ignored this for another two weeks, I should be catch up blogging before I fall any further behind than I already am.

November 15th 2010

David dropped Mum and I at Woodberry to try and clean the place up a bit, but Emma happened to ring and Mum spent the entire time on the phone while I battled up and down with the vaccuum cleaner and various cleaning products on my own!

Nick was claiming that he had e-mailed us every single day throughout Emma's illness with her news...well, it's not like Nick to lie, but we had certainly never received those e-mails.  I guess he just got too busy and stressed out to send them.  What mattered more was that Emma was home and well again.

I managed to hoover the extension, family history room, hall, stairs and my bedroom before it got dark, but it wasn't enough.  The rest of the house needed to be thoroughly cleaned, otherwise Woodberry would become as much of a dusty slum as Grottsville.  I took a break about halfway through the hoovering and walked up to the charity shops around the corner.  I was really sick by this point though and it probably wasn't a very wise idea.  The pavement was slippery and there were some horrible schoolboys walking behind me, laughing at me because I kept almost slipping over.  At one point, one of them whispered at the other (loud enough for me to hear, thank God!), "Go on!  Get her!"  I turned quickly and saw the boy pushing the other kid ahead of him, urging him to push me over.  Thankfully, as soon as they realised I was onto their game, they left me alone, but it was terrifying when the roads were so icy and I felt so ill.  What is with kids these days?

I got yet another letter from the NHS, urging me to get my free chlamydia test.  Gross.  I already wrote and asked to be taken off of the mailing list as it's not something that affects me personally (obviously), and yet they continued to waste money sending letters to me (and no doubt countless other young women with no sexual history).  It just makes me so mad when there's so little NHS funding.  They had my brother-in-law driving my extremely sick sister to a different hospital as there was no proper transport available for her and once she got there, she was treated dreadfully with no staff available to even keep an eye on her most of the time.  They were trying to force me into a cheaper orthodontic procedure even though there were countless risks involved.  But they waste all that money sending letters around and trying to help irresponsible youngsters.  For God's sake, if they're old enough to be getting into relationships on that level, they're old enough to take responsibility, go to a doctor and get a testing kit themselves!  I wrote as much to the e-mail address on the letter.

My Boots parcels were redelivered in the evening.  David went to the door, and I went crazy...panicking that the contents would be listed on the outside of the box (yes, I know it sounds stupid, but I was really concerned about my parents finding out about the Smooth Skin system!)  I ended up going to the door alongside him (!), making an utter fool of myself in front of the courier, grabbing the boxes and hiding them in the back room, ready to open the following day!

After that, we went to Morrisons but there were no Dolly Mix Ponies to be found there.

November 16th 2010

I opened my Boots parcels...everything was present, but I didn't have a chance to check the Boots Smooth Skin System in private, so I still had the worry of whether it would work or not.  Now I had the slight problem of where to keep it.  After all, I had no bedroom of my own, so where could I hide such a large machine where my parents were unlikely to find it?  I settled on the old communal bedroom, tucking it down on the floor next to my old cot.  Nobody would ever look down there!

I spoke too soon.  I found a bag of unsavoury publications belonging to David and showed them to my mum, at which point she decided it was time to do some clearing the communal bedroom!

While clearing up, she discovered that one of her elephant ornaments (which had been sitting on top of the chest of drawers at the bottom of the bed for years) had been chipped, and blamed me as that's where I went to make my recordings.  Funny, as there was no broken piece there...proving it must have been broken before it even got put up there.  She washed and packed up a lot of ornaments that had been sitting on the windowsill up there too.

I worked on my Bright Back Kelly Sheridan video.  It was taking so long with Windows Movie Maker but it was finally almost complete...just the credits to work on now!

In the evening, we went to Morrisons on the Dolly Mix Hunt.  Mum and I were a bit reluctant to leave the house as there was a gang of violent-looking youths lingering on the corner opposite but David assured us that they were "just drunks".  We still felt the need to check the house after we had finished at Morrisons (where there was only one lone Glory, by the way) where we found the youths had smashed and torn up the poster and advertising board directly opposite our house!

We still went to McDonalds for Aero McFlurries though, before returning to Grottsville to deal with my e-Bay questions.  One problem: the internet (as well as the On Demand television) had mysteriously cut out so I couldn't answer any e-mails at all.  Oh well, at least I got an early night.

Which is more than I can say for tonight!  Yet another late night (or early morning, if you prefer) and hardly anything done.  What a boring, badly written blog this was to be sure.  Don't worry, hopefully I can get back into my stride tomorrow.  Yes, I do intend to keep updating on a nightly basis this time!  No more two week breaks for me.  I promise!

Thanks for remaining my loyal readers!
Desirée  xxx

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