Saturday, 5 May 2012

Determination...

I have a terrible toothache and should really be in bed, considering it's almost 1am.  But I said that I would update this blog every night from now on, and I'm determined not to give up again!

December 5th 2010

David went to the launderette.  That place was getting beyond a joke.  Before he put the laundry in the machine, he had to ladel out a load of hardened washing powder which was stuck to the inside of the drum, our clothes were washed in cold water and my trousers came back with what appeared to be salt stuck to them (In restrospect, I guess it was more of the washing powder)

After that, David went in the bathroom and refused to come out.  In the end, Mum had to use the broken loo downstairs - she overheated in there (not surprising as the door is always kept closed due to the risk of rodents coming up through the broken floorboards, and the boiler is also situated in that tiny room) and then had to carry heavy buckets from the kitchen in order to flush the toilet.  It was selfish of David to keep the bathroom all to himself when the other toilet was in such a state, but he'd always spent hours in there and that wasn't about to change now!

We finally left for Woodberry at 1pm, taking a box of Mum's glass with us.  There was a big fight in the garden when we arrived as David hadn't supported the box properly on the front seat and stuff was falling out of it and out of the car when he opened the door.  I don't think anything actually got broken, but Mum started shouting and swearing at him to take better care of her stuff.  I scooted indoors to be away from it so I'm not sure exactly what happened, but David was in a fowl mood with Mum for showing him up.

Anyway, Mum wouldn't come in the house as David wasn't talking to her and hadn't offered to help her out of the car, so the whole day was wasted.  David wouldn't even go to Brent Cross to see if there were any free scarves left at Ethel Austen.

He just used the argument as an excuse to sleep on the floor and spend more time in the bathroom, before going to Woodberry on his own that evening on his way to work.

I spent the rest of the day listing stuff on e-Bay, but I was feeling a little disheartened by the lack of interest for all the work that I was putting into it.

I had finally been able to pick up my advent calendar from Woodberry - I felt a bit disheartened by that too, considering we weren't even going to have any Christmas decorations that year.

Mum apparently tried to bid on a Mimic as my Christmas gift but she was on ebay.com and Mum couldn't figure out how to bid in dollars.  She ended up shouting at ME and "deleting her e-Bay watch list" which she had apparently had other possible Christmas gifts listed on.  Well, we'd agreed not to exchange Christmas gifts this year, and I'd never even known anything about it so how could it possibly be my fault?!

I wrote a complaint to Myspace about all of my blog comments disappearing with no prior warning so that I could save them and was surprised to receive a response.  Apparently they were "steal developing their blog features".  Steal, eh?  So I guess STEALING my comments was one of the new features?!

December 6th 2010

We went to Morrisons but there were no more Dolly Mix Ponies there.  Then to Tesco - I lead a dull life.  David didn't even ask me if I wanted to go in the ever-exciting petrol station with him or tell me if they had any Dolly Mix Ponies in there.

I had two bids on e-Bay and three watchers on the huge Geoby electronic car we were trying to sell.  One person asked me to end the auction early to sell it to them for half the starting price.  Blooming cheek!

We did some clearing out in the bathroom and got rid of a whole crate full of stuff.  The place didn't look any better for it though.  I was sad to get rid of my first ever tape recorder but it didn't work properly and David had spilled a load of meat all over it at some point and never even bothered to clean it so it made me feel sick to look at it...  But I was losing all my sentimental feelings with my allergies and just generally wanting to live in a normal, clear enviroment.  When I'm a famous voice actress and people are clamouring to buy "Desirée Skylark's childhood recording equipment", I'm sure I'll regret it! xD

I kept suffering from bad anxiety attacks which were not helping my allergy-related breathing problems one bit.  Another buyer wrote to tell me that the comics she'd bought from me hadn't arrived.  Where were all these parcels?  I still wasn't sure if I could claim the money back from Royal Mail or not and I just couldn't afford to lose all the postage money as well as the items!

I was still working on re-recording the MLP song tapes and discovered that both of my Sing & Dance Pinkie Pies' faces were going orange.  Since both of them were going the same way, I guess it's something to do with the rubber material they're made from.  The strangest thing was that the staining only appeared where something had touched against their faces (like where their manes lie, or where I had tied ribbons around their ears).  I got really upset to see some of my favourite ponies deteriorating though and wondered if it was the temperature I was keeping them at or something.  Has anyone else had trouble with their S&D Pinkie Pies?

December 7th 2010

David stayed up half the night watching TV which meant that Mum and I couldn't go to "bed" considering our beds were on the floor in front of the television!  Still we had to get up early in the morning so that David could drop us at Woodberry to wait for Mum's bookcase to be delivered.


We unpacked the boxes that were already over there and discovered knot-holes in the shelves Mum had bought for the kitchen.  It took over an hour to get into the other packages past all the tape that the e-Bay seller had wrapped around the boxes!  The shelves inside were nice though.


(The one on the left is upside down, but I couldn't stand it up the right way!)

Then Mum and I chose our mattresses...well, I chose mine anyway.  Mum couldn't feel any difference between them.  We unpacked some more boxes and I finally got to see the brass horses that I bought as a keepsake for myself with the last money I ever received from my Grandad on my last birthday before he passed away (they had been kept in the box they were shipped to us in at Grottsville as I had nowhere to display them)...


Lovely, aren't they?  They actually look much nicer in real life.  I know Grandad would have loved them!

We also got to see what David had been doing with all the hours he was spending at Woodberry alone.  He'd been "filling the cracks" in the chipboard in the kitchen, "smoothing the floor" for when the lino arrived...


I'd laugh, but it's really not funny.

I walked around the corner to the charity shops (Mum couldn't come as David had failed to leave the front door key with us) but there were no ponies there.  Just a funny little dog figurine like the one that had been standing on top of the TV at Grottsville for a couple of years (even though none of us had any idea where he had come from!)  There were other similar small animal figurines with him so I guess they must have been a set.  But I still have no clue what they are!  I'll have to get a photo sometime and see if anybody recognises him... one slight problem.  He's disappeared as mysteriously as he suddenly appeared in our house!

When I got back, I found Mum had been busy while I was gone.  She was trying to put stuff away in the kitchen cupboards and had stacked ALL of David's rubbish which he had left lying all around the house in the middle of the kitchen floor.


She thought this would encourage him to clear up and get rid of stuff.  Ha ha, very funny.

My Hotmail account was hacked while I was out again.  It seemed to happen every time I didn't access my own e-mails for a few hours.  I was getting sick of it and I'm pretty sure everybody in my address book must have been even sicker.  I hope nobody else got caught out with the suspicious Canadian Pharmacy links!

December 8th 2010

I had an awful night with a combination of my allergies and the temperature.  It was so cold that I literally couldn't sleep.  I woke up as soon as my hot water bottle got cold and just lay there shivering on the drafty floor until 7am.  At that time, Mum woke up and re-filled my hot water bottle so I got another hour of semi-sleep.  I couldn't go on living in that place much longer though.

David took an afternoon off work so that we could go to the building society again.  I don't even remember what I was doing there, but my parents came to the desk with me and stood over me, making me so jittery that I kept stammering.  David also stood right in front of window so I couldn't hear the woman through the glass.  Then he got angry with ME for not understanding what she was saying!

I had to fill in a form (I must have been opening an account of some kind, I think...) and David sat right over me with that too, correcting me and saying my writing wasn't clear enough.  He was really disturbing me and I accidentally wrote down a wrong number.  He rolled his eyes at Mum as if to say, "she can't do anything right!" and I walked out.  I'd had enough of it.  If they wanted to see people who couldn't do anything right, they should look at the people who work in that place.  There were two women behind the front desk, one Irish (with a thick accent I couldn't really understand) and one Indian.  The Indian woman dropped her heavy clipperboard right on the Irish woman's foot!  "Oops, sorry, butter fingers!" The Irish woman seemed unphased though, moved her foot aside and started laughing hysterically!  "More like cold fingers!"  and she just continued to laugh and laugh and laugh.  What the...?  I was quite pleased to be out of there!

But even when I stepped outside I wasn't safe for there stood a woman, slapping her hand to her head repetitively and laughing like a maniac!  Was there laughing gas in the air or something?  And if so, why didn't it effect me?  Had I really gone beyond the point of depression that I could never laugh again?!

We didn't go in any shops, not even New Look to use our voucher or Poundland where I needed headphones.  There were some new coin operated rides in the shopping centre between the elevators and the entrance to Tesco.  Usually I would have photographed them, but my parents wouldn't even stop for long enough for me to do that much...it was pretty crowded at that time on a December afternoon anyway.  Oh well, I'd just have to do it next time we were in Ealing.

Sternenstaub's Dolly Mix Ponies still hadn't arrived, and she was turning nasty.  I kept stalling.   I said I'd refund her if and when Royal Mail sent the money back to me, but that wasn't good enough for her.  She wanted a full refund, and she wanted it NOW.  I had stated in my sales thread that I wouldn't refund unless I could get the money back from Royal Mail but she claimed she had never seen my sales thread as a friend had recommended she get in touch with me. Well, how was I supposed to cover the cost of yet another full set of Dolly Mix Ponies out of my own pocket when I was still holding so many of the little things for people who didn't have complete sets and couldn't pay yet?!  The whole thing was turning into a nightmare.

On top of all my stress, Mum was in a really bad mood (constantly worried her stomach pain would return, I guess), and kept snapping at me.  "Christmas is not just about Desirée Alder." she suddenly snapped, out of the blue.  Huh?  Who said it was just about me?  I know my place.  I'm not even allowed to put decorations up in a house where they live.  She always acts as though I expect a lot of presents, and I don't.  Christmas has never been about gifts to me, it's about getting into the spirit of things, enjoying the pretty decorations and being around those you love.  The trouble is that I have no family nearby besides my parents and one can't be bothered with Christmas and the other HATES it and resents the mere mention of the word.  She kept on and on at me and, in my stressed state, I started crying about how desperately I wanted to be studying in Vancouver as I should have been at that point.  Maybe then I would have made friends or found a family to spend Christmas with.  "JUST GO THEN!" she screamed at me.  Oh, how I WISHED I could just have walked out of that door and caught the first plane over there to take her off guard.  But of course I didn't have the money or the qualifications to do so.  It then descended into another random rant about writing her will.  "I have to be fair - Emma deserves my money just as much as you do.  You're trying to guilt me like Mark did to his mother!" (Mark is David's brother - their mother left everything to him and his family and nothing to us)  Whatever makes her so insecure that she thinks everyone is just waiting for her to die and leave her the money?  Or that I am trying to guilt her into leaving everything to me?  The money should be split half and half between Emma and I.  There's no question about that.  If I've said ANYTHING about money, it's how I'm worried how I can provide for MYSELF now that they have left me with no education and constantly ignore me now instead of looking through my options with me.  I don't want anyone else to give me anything, I just want to be a successful career woman so that I can look after myself.  Ugh.


Anyway, I must go now.  I'm too tired to think straight and dread to think how many errors I've made in this entry.  I really must start writing my blog earlier than 1am!

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

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