Sunday, 19 August 2012

Wow, I'm a "professional" writer/film maker now?!

I'm being paid at least...even if it is only a pittance!  Apparently I've made over £42 from Google Adsense via my blog and Youtube account.  Of course, this is over the course of a year or more.  But maybe this is the push I need to write daily blog entries...even if it is already 1am!  Thanks for remaining my loyal readers, guys, and if you see an interesting advert on the page, you are more than welcome to take a look! xD

(The author of this blog will not be held responsible for any computer virus, spam or other unsavoury material found on any Google advertiser's website.  Please click any ads with caution. Thank you!)

April 15th 2011

Mum and I walked to Sparkle Dental Boutique again, this time to see the orthodontist about the broken brace.  On our way we met Vesna, my grandparents' old neighbour.  She was desperate to know if we had moved to Woodberry yet and told us that she "keeps peeping through the windows to see if there's anyone in there".  Nice to know you're being watched, huh? o_0  We lied and said we were still in Grottsville as there was no way that Woodberry was ready for such nosy, judgemental visitors yet!

She questioned me about my education too, and I came out with the age old lie.  "I'm hoping to go to university this year!"  Funny how it's become university now, when I never even went to school or college!

Our little chat made us late so Mum and I literally ran the rest of the way.  We needn't have bothered as it turned out, as the orthodontist was running late.  When I did get to see her, she just popped the bottom wire back in and told me (in a matter of fact kind of way) that I had indeed swallowed a piece of the top wire.  She didn't replace the wire though, saying there was no point doing so before my next appointment on May 13th when I would be getting a thicker wire fitted anyway.  She didn't replace/add any more resin onto the dreaded "block" either, thank goodness!

I don't remember all the details now, and can't stand to watch through a video of my ugly face tonight, but if anybody else feels like doing so, here's what I had to say at the time!

After leaving Sparkle Dental Boutique, Mum and I went for a walk in Boston Manor Park to feed the ducks...and the pigeons.  Yes, I know some people call them "Flying Rats" but I love pigeons.  The ones at Boston are really friendly and eat from your hand, but there aren't enough of them to be as overpowering as the pigeons used to be at Trafalgar Square.

We were supposed to meet David at the park, but Mum was so tired that she couldn't walk to the bench where we usually met him and ended up sitting down on the other (nearer) side of the park.  Then she was surprised that we didn't find each other until it was time for him to go back to work!

When I came home, I made the above orthodontic v-log, and did all the mundane daily chores which had become so familiar to me by this point; washing ponies, scanning photographs, indexing cassette tapes...

I wanted to have a nice relaxing bath as a reward to myself that evening, but David came in really late and went "home" to Grottsville even later, so I ended up staying up until 2am again.

April 16th 2011

David didn't turn up until noon again, which gave me a chance to watch the latest episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.  I'm not sure of the name of the episode (despite forcing myself to watch it each week for the voice acting/simple fact it's part of the MLP franchise, I can honestly say I've never felt the urge to watch an episode twice!), but I think it must have been the one that showed flashbacks to when the main characters were kids.  Honestly, kill me now if you wish, bronies, but the show grates on me from start to end.  Especially the name Pinkamena Diane Pie.  Mum was on the other side of the room when the name got mentioned - we looked at each other and half laughed/half groaned simultaneously.  Ponies do NOT have human names.  I always thought that about the Best Friends Baby Ponies - I hated having a pony named "Katie" in my collection.  Somehow it didn't seem magical enough for my pony universe.  Plus Pinkie Pie has been around for years...sorry, but I'm not suddenly going to start calling my G3 Pinkies "Diane"!

(Also, thanks to certain members of the FiM fanbase, the name "Pinkamena" now holds a mixture of hate, disgust and fear for me that I never would have thought possible at the time of writing those blog notes...but that's another story for a future entry!)

And another thing that bugged me: Fluttershy's singing.  No, I'm not putting Andrea Libman down.  Not at all.  I was a huge fan of hers long before FiM and will continue to be a huge fan long after the show ends.  I actually squealed with joy when I saw her name on the cast list (although that was partially due to the show having a predominantly Canadian cast when I had feared the show was going to go all out American!)  Andrea is a lovely person, as well as being a very talented actress and a great singer with a really cute voice.  However, I will never understand how she ended up being cast as two main characters.  Especially THOSE two characters.  Besides the fact that Janyse Jaud will always be the "real" Pinkie Pie to me, the new Pinkie and Fluttershy actually have very similar voices.  The only difference is in their personality.  When they are speaking, Andrea has no trouble making them sound like two totally different people (or ponies!) as Pinkie is "OH MY GOSH HYPER AND FAST!!!" while Fluttershy is "whispering...if you don't mind..."  So the two regular speaking voices can sound quite different due to their nature.  But Fluttershy's voice is just that, a shy, quiet version of Pinkie Pie.  Try yelling or singing as Fluttershy, and suddenly you're yelling and singing as Pinkie Pie.  If you haven't heard it already, listen again to Fluttershy's song from that episode (I just looked it up; it's the Cutie Mark Chronicles) and you'll see what I mean.  Andrea starts well with that airy, whispery voice, but the nature of the song causes her to speak up and start singing in something that sounds far too similar to her Pinkie Pie voice for my ear.  It begins at "Oh, what a MAGICAL PLACE!" and never really gets back on track from there...

We went to Ealing Broadway - it was very crowded and there was some kind of noisy event with live pop music going on in the centre square so it was difficult to think straight.  My parents convinced me to tie most of my savings up for four years, then we went to Fashion4Less in search of that lovely dress.  It was STILL in the window but there was no sign of it at all in the shop.  I began to think that maybe it had come and gone and they weren't going to get another delivery after all.  I did get a nice pink t-shirt with glittery butterflies on it for a fiver though.  Apart from that, we bought vitamin supplements, Weetaflakes and padded envelopes - all very exciting, I'm sure!

David posted my e-Bay parcels for me while Mum and I were in Fashion4Less (and left us standing for ages and ages outside Holland & Barratt after that!).  One of my buyers had announced that they wanted the address on their parcel changed late the night before...well, thank goodness we hadn't already posted it then!  They'd paid two days previously, so if they were only just checking what address they'd left on the invoice, they really would have had nobody to blame except themselves.  But I'm sure I'D have been the one to receive the negative feedback for their error!

David was really nasty by telling Mum that she should walk all the way to Waitrose (a looong way from Woodberry) if she wanted to pick up their free magazine which had a voucher in it for a free eye test.  He might have known she couldn't walk that far, and why should she have to when he had a car?!  He continued to be nasty all the way to Tesco, so she and I stayed in the car while he went in to the pharmacy.  He suddenly remembered to tell me that he had seen some G3.5 MLPs in there for £1 each a few weeks previously.  Grr...why couldn't he have told me that when they were still there?!  There are still a lot of G3.5s I need for my collection...and at £1 each, I might as well have had them from new as struggle to find them at car boot sales in bad condition with no accessories!

We went to Grottsville after that.  There were loads of brand new unsavoury newspapers and magazines stacked up all over the place and Mum complained about the amount of money he was wasting on the filthy things.  "Oh, I shouldn't have anything, should I?!" he sulked, before going to the bathroom and then sleeping on the landing for ages before he finally allowed us to go home.  I brought my MLP t-shirts with me which almost filled my entire wardrobe.  Well, at least now I would be forced to actually wear them!  The quicker they wore out, the quicker I could get some more, different clothes!  They were all coated in dust from hanging on the airing cupboard door for years and my Princess Sparkle hoodie's shoulder had actually faded to white where the sun beamed through the window all day long.

David agreed to stop at Waitrose on the way back, but they no longer had the magazine with the free eye test voucher in it.  Oh well, Mum always loved being parked in Waitrose car park as there seemed to be a never ending supply of interesting people to watch around there.  Today was the case of a woman yelling at a man for being "so vulgar" and then asking a random woman if she was all right.  Neither of us had seen anything happen between any of them, and Mum got cross with me for having been talking which meant she didn't know what was going on. better way to spend an evening than watching Waitrose Car Park: The Soap Opera through Windowscreen TV!

We had chips for dinner.  David claimed he didn't want any and just got Mum and I one portion between us.  Then he hovered over me like a dog, waiting for left overs and salivating.  He told me to "take some more", then got annoyed that he didn't have enough and asked to have the extra chips I'd taken back!  As it happened, I ended up with all the hard ones (which I couldn't chew with braces) that had dropped to the bottom of the pile on my plate, and he got a whole plate full of soft fluffy chips.  Grr...

Well, I am too tired to continue now, so I will have to leave it there again.  Only two days of blogging done and even that has taken me 90 minutes. o_0  I'll never catch up at this rate!

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Boot Sale Buys, Pinkie Pie's Bathing Adventure, My Grandad: The Superstar and Other Stories!

It's too darn hot, to quote the Kiss Me Kate song.  I can't even think about doing anything active in this weather, so I think I'll just sit here and write a blog entry instead!
April 8th 2011

I awoke determined to make a new start and have a brighter outlook on life.  Ha, one glance at the reflection of my thinning hair in the bathroom mirror and half an hour of Mum talking about "her stomach cancer" put paid to that!

We rang the doctor for our blood test results - mine were clear but the receptionist said that Mum had "a deficiency, but she wasn't allowed to tell her what it was over the phone".  We figured it was probably just B12 as Mum already had a deficiency there but my hypochondriac mother would continue to stress until she saw a doctor.

I washed my bed linen in the evening, then we took it to Grottsville to hang it on the airer (and to pick up some stuff I was selling on e-Bay at the same time).  The place was beginning to stink of decay.  The area was also going downhill.  There were two yobs sitting on the front wall all the time we were there and they watched us leaving with great interest.  In fact, we didn't feel safe leaving the house unoccupied and drove around the block a couple of times to see what the men would do next.  As it happened, they seemed to notice us driving by and moved on.  There was nothing to say they wouldn't return later though.  We needed to clear the house and get rid of it, but David still couldn't seem to see any urgency in giving me time over there to sort my stuff out.

A man came to the door to ask why we hadn't completed the census yet.  "Hasn't she (I) done it yet?!" David snapped at Mum, over the top of my head.  Uh, no... A) I'd been rushed off of my feet with all Mum's pre-USA scanning and photographing chores and B) I had no idea what to write down for their qualifications as I really have very little knowledge of what my parents (and particulary David) ever did educationally.

I got a letter from Redwings Horse Sanctuary about my adopted horse, Rusty, who has now been taken off of the adoption scheme as he is getting old and sick.  I wanted to see him just once more, but there was no way that I could get all the way to Norfolk.

April 9th 2011

Denham car boot sale had been discussed earlier that week but, when the subject was raised the previous evening, Mum had yelled at David that he was "ignoring her illness if he thought she could walk around there".  Hence, I didn't dare to set my alarm clock.  I awoke to Mum shouting at me at 8am about oversleeping for the boot sale.

I jumped out of bed, washed and dressed as fast as I could, and waited.  When David arrived, my parents decided to do work around the house, so I changed back out of my good trousers and into the leggings I wear indoors.  Then I got shouted at for not being ready to go out!  Why couldn't they just make up their minds and tell me what I was supposed to be doing?!

Eventually Mum and I went to the car boot sale while David went back to Grottsville to post some e-Bay parcels and pack up some of his books to take to Woodberry.  He let us out of the car on the opposite side of the boot sale to where we usually go in and we had to actually crawl through a wire fence and hop across a little stream to get to the tables!  We thought there would be somebody on the corner to take our admission money but we ended up getting in for free as it happened.  Oops...

It was late and somebody had obviously already been round and bought most of the good stuff but I still managed to find these...

The velvet art picture probably isn't be official MLP merchandise but I couldn't turn it down for £1, and I bought G3.5 Pinkie Pie for 20p in the belief that she was new to my collection.  As it turned out, I was thinking of another version of Pinkie and this one is a duplicate (who is currently looking for a loving new home - *hint-hint*).  The other ponies all came from one dealer who charged £10 for them and threw in the Bow Tie wallet and Lilac the Barbie Swan Lake unicorn for free.  They're obviously somebody's childhood collection and are in beautiful condition apart from one or two tiny pen marks.  Most were upgrades to my collection.  I got a bit of a buzz to find Twilight, a pony who was never officially sold in the UK, at a car boot sale.  If not for the online community/Ponycon, I wouldn't have even seen a Twilight before.

After the boot sale, my parents saw the removal men at Grottsville. (I avoided them by staying at Woodberry, hoovering and singing!)  They brought another cabinet over here and assembled the Argos cabinets while I continued to hide in my bedroom.  The bathroom stank of garlic after they left, even though they hadn't been in the room!

Mum decided that she hated the new cabinets and announced that she wanted one brought downstairs - all the way from the loft - as soon as they'd gone.  Well, there was no way we could move it now that it was fully assembled complete with glass.  As it was, we had to carry all the heavy packaging downstairs ourselves.

My braces broke.  I'd known something was wrong with it a few days previously, but now a sharp piece of wire was sticking into my cheek and, worryingly, ended quite a way in front of the back bracket.  A piece of the wire must have actually broken off, meaning I must have swallowed it. o_0

I had a rather entertaining argument with a silly little Youtube brony in the evening who insisted that G3 Pinkie Pie never sang in the cartoons.  Uh, but Janyse Jaud DID sing...which is more than Andrea Libman does actually.  Oh well, I have to pity some of these little kids really.  It must be sad to not have any life outside of arguing with random strangers on the internet about a cartoon made for little girls.

April 10th 2011

David didn't arrive until the afternoon again and did next to nothing before taking off to work for the night, so I didn't leave the house all day long again.

I wasted most of the day messing around on Facebook, filling in our census forms and washing the ponies I'd bought in Denham.  Mum spent her day dragging furniture around and around the house, a complete waste of time and energy as she ended up putting everything back where it had been to start with!

I did some scanning and indexed a few more cassette tapes.  I found the tape of Alvin & The Chipmunks' music I recorded when I was seven and it brought back a lot of memories of playing it during "guinea pig parties" with Dieselbelle (then known as simply Diesel as we didn't realise "he" was a girl at that point!).  In fact, I started digging around on Youtube and ended up making an entire playlist of old chipmunk music!  Oh, the memories...I always found the voice changing effect fascinating when I was little, as you might imagine!  Feeling bored, I started researching the history of Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Call me an idiot, but I had some kind of idea (based on something David said long ago, which he now swears he never said!) that Alvin and the Chipmunks had started out as a radio show in the 50s.  I'd never actually heard Ross Bagdasarian's original pre-chipmunk 1950s records, or even the first chipmunks' song, "Christmas, Don't Be Late".  I'd like to take a step back in time...  People probably wouldn't buy such "silly" songs now (unless they included music videos of supposedly "attractive" scantily-clad skinny women writhing on the floor!)  It just seems everyone had more innocent fun back then.

I had to report yet another non-payer on e-Bay...who immediately sent payment, along with this little gem of a message!

"Hi I really must apologies for not paying sooner, i did realise that i had won. sent payment today, really am very sorry for the delay janet BOlt"

Well, it was nice of her to apologise.  But if she realised that she had won, why hadn't she paid before now?!

April 11th 2011

We returned to Grottsville to collect my bed linen.  David didn't do his laundry anyway though, so I'm not sure why it was so urgent for me to clear the airer.  Oh well, at least my duvet cover wouldn't rot along with the rest of the house!  I couldn't find the Zoo Balls that I had listed on e-Bay so I had to withdraw the listing...thankfully nobody had placed a bid on them!

I was terrified about my hair which still seemed to be thinning out.  But stressing about it was probably the very thing making it so much worse!

I decided to take a risk and wash my beloved plush Pinkie Pie in the washing machine.  That poor girl has been well loved - she lives on my bed and has endured much hugging since Emma gave her to me for Christmas 2005!  She even came with us on a few of our trips, including Paris!  But all of that love has resulted in her getting rather grubby, and I was suffering with my allergies as a result.

It's hard to see the extent of her grubbiness from these photos, but believe me, she was filthy!

I did as people had recommended and put her in a pillowcase before the hour long torment of her "bath" began...

But, in my panic, I failed to tie the end of the pillowcase!

As soon as the washing machine started, the water filled with soap suds.  For a few minutes, I thought I'd put too much washing liquid in the machine, then I remembered that I had tried to hand wash Pinkie a couple of years before using shampoo and this probably hadn't been properly rinsed from the poor thing.  Shortly afterwards, she fell out of her pillowcase and was bobbing around in the soap suds, looking like a drowned rat.  But, Pinkie is a trooper, and a much cleaner version of herself survived to tell the tale!

In the evening, we went to Alperton McDonalds for Creme Egg McFlurries.  The area seemed to go further downhill each time we visited.  We observed a group of what I can only describe as well dressed gangsters gathering outside the pub next to McDonalds.  A couple of times they looked our way and I quickly looked down at my ice cream, hoping they didn't suspect me of staring, but always keeping watch out of the corner of my eye just in case they were headed towards the car.

April 12th 2011

Mum and I walked to Sparkle Dental Boutique to see Sunita, the dentist and owner of the practise.  She had no idea what had happened to the wire in my mouth though.  "That's a long way for it to have slipped," she mused.  "Are you sure it ever reached the back bracket?"  Yes, it did.  That's why I think the wire must have got severed somehow, meaning I had swallowed the end of it!  She trimmed the bit of wire that was sticking into my cheek but told me that I would have to go and see the orthodontist three days later to get a new wire fixed.

It was a lovely day and it felt good to walk through the park.  However, Mum was worried about her weight loss (obviously caused by cancer, rather than her exercising more frequently!) and I was distressed by my hair loss which rather marred the experience.

I sold ten things on e-Bay and Mum filled the latest cabinet with her costume doll collection...before promptly removing the dolls as she didn't like the way that they were arranged!

David came in from work to hang some pictures...but he just went to the bathroom, before going back out to work at 9pm, ordering Mum to have his laundry done at 1am when he would pick it up on his way back to Grottsville!

April 13th 2011

Mum spent the day waiting for the final Argos cabinet (this one was to hold Beanie Babies), which turned out to be smaller than expected.  The first time she went to the door she was accosted by a man desperately trying to sell her some "fresh fish".  She ended up slamming the door on him, but not before having to kick his foot out of the way which he had jammed in the door to stop her doing so! o_0

My mum bought me a sweet little Cheerilee keyring on e-Bay for 99p as an Easter gift...

I had never seen one like her before - apparently she was supposed to light up (this one doesn't work) and was offered at a Belgian fast food restaurant named Quick a few years ago.  Goodness knows how he ended up on!

My hair felt awful and I lost another 30 hairs when it was combed that morning.  I tried to keep busy and felt a lot better for it though, listening to CBC radio for the first time in ages too.  I wasn't sure if I was allowed to listen to it as we have no TV license, but as it is not only radio, but a live stream from overseas, it seems it is okay to do so.  I was struggling to rearrange the pony shelves again, as I just couldn't fit the rest of the G3s onto them!  So much for fitting all of the duplicates on them as well!

Mum and I went for a nice stroll in Lammas Park and I took some photos of the pretty pink blossom on the trees.  I wished I had a camera that I could actually see through though!  It's impossible to use a camera with a cracked screen!

David worked until 2.30am so I didn't get to Grottsville to collect the few things I sold on e-Bay again.

April 14th 2011

Despite working half the night before, David got told off for being late to work that morning.  Was he supposed to survive on no sleep at all then?!  The tender went in that afternoon so he came in at 4pm and took us to Grottsville to collect my e-Bay items and eat chips.

The dreaded orthodontic "block" was causing a lot of pain again and I could hardly close my mouth for the agony in the tooth below it.  Still, I knew it would probably hurt a lot more tomorrow after I'd seen the orthodontist so I should probably make the best of it.

The most exciting part of the day (for me, at least) was a discovery that Mum made on the Pathé News website.  Just take a look at the link below:

Okay, so most of you will just see a bunch of kids gathered at a school war memorial.  But take a closer look at the little blonde boy standing on the end of the front row of children from 00:10-00:19.  At 00:42, the boy appears again, standing in the bottom left of the screen, holding a wreath.  He walks out and lays the wreath at 00:49 and finally stands and salutes the war memorial at 00:52.  Still see nothing special?  Well, that little boy is none other than Rowland Allan Meekins, who grew up to become my grandad. <3  It's sad to think that he probably never saw this clip or even knew of its existance.  I do wish he was still here so that I could show it to him.  I miss him so much...

Well, I think that just about rounds up another week of my life from 16 months ago.  It's only taken me all afternoon to write it out!  I just can't think straight in this heat.

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

Friday, 17 August 2012

Leering Little Boys, Unreliable Workmen and Confidence Shattering Comments!

More catch up blogging from Desirée's flying fingers!

April 5th 2011

I didn't leave the house again.  This was mostly my own fault as I had sunk into a deep depression for no real reason.  I did intend to walk to the three charity shops around the corner but I just couldn't face any more horrible young men leering at me.  I hate feeling their eyes on me at the best of times, but especially when my self confidence is at a low.  I had convinced myself that my hair was making a slight improvement since it had been trimmed but suddenly it was feeling awful again (as Mum kept enforcing by reminding me how it was "falling out in combfulls" and "looked very thin indeed").  I was also feeling horribly fat and ugly.  I made a comment to Mum about how I needed to start exercising daily.  Her answer was to puff and blow in an exasperated manner, and to complain about how "nothing would ever get done".  In other words, I couldn't waste time trying to get fit as I still had all of her photographs to scan and heirlooms to photograph!  In fact, it's near impossible to do anything for myself while I'm still living with my parents.  Every time I so much as mentioned dieting, Mum would raise the subject of some sort of junk food.  Being depressed, my resistance was low and I would eat the food, then I felt even worse!  That day I consumed an iced bun...Mum then tried to get me to have a bowl of ice cream but I somehow found the strength to decline!

I'm not sure why Mum wanted to eat ice cream anyway.  She claimed to feel ill and kept drinking gallons of Milk Of Magnesia (well, not literally, of course, but it seemed that way!)  I felt sure it was caused by stress but she was still trying to convince herself that she had stomach cancer.

Having cleared the hall so that the lino could be fixed, the bloke from Carpet Right didn't turn up and wouldn't even answer his phone.  Is the whole of England filled with useless, lazy workmen, or are we just really unlucky?

David was suffering with terrible breathing problems, presumably a similar allergy to mine, due to him still sleeping on the bathroom floor at Grottsville.  He rang the doctor who told him to go and see them immediately but they didn't offer him any real explanation as to the cause and just randomly told him to stay on his blood pressure medication as his BP was quite low for once!  Uh...why would he have stopped taking it without discussing it with them first?!

April 6th 2011

The Carpet Right guy had left an answerphone message for David late the previous night to apologise for not coming and say that he could come the following day instead.  Hence, there was a lot of stress that morning when we overslept and thought we wouldn't be ready for him in time.  Mum snapped at me that she had been calling me since 7am (it was now 8am), but then slipped up and admitted that she herself hadn't awoken until 7.30!  We needn't have worried as it happened.  We waited around for him ALL DAY LONG but he didn't turn up and didn't even have the common decency to tell us what was going on.  He eventually texted at 4pm to say that he had "got lost" and wouldn't be coming.  Well, he must have got VERY lost if he couldn't even find his phone to call us earlier on, that's all I can say!

It was just as well really though, as Argos delivered the cabinets we had ordered (again, without prior notice that they had changed the agreed delivery date!) so the guy wouldn't have been able to get to the hall lino anyway.  The delivery man was quite rude, looking the dirty, unpainted front door up and down and snobbily stating how he had "expected to find a builder here".  With no builder to be found, he asked Mum to help him carry the heavy boxes into the hall...knocking her glasses on the floor in the process!  Luckily they didn't break, but the rude man didn't even apologise.  Really, what is this world coming to?

Mum and I went for a walk in Lammas Park at 4pm but it was quite unpleasant to go walking so late in the day - it was hot for the time of year and the park was full of noisy children which meant there wasn't much wildlife to be seen.  I did manage to bring a pea weevil all the way home with me on my t-shirt though, so I guess I did get to see some wildlife on our walk!  There was more to be seen in our own back garden to be honest though.  So many butterflies!  It was lovely after all the years in Grottsville where we couldn't even see the garden from the front room where we sat all day long.  However, Woodberry's garden was becoming just as much of a mess as the one at Grottsville, riddled with weeds which Mum wouldn't let me touch as they were attracting the wildlife.  Yes, but what's the point of attracting the wildlife if you can't even see it for all the weeds in your garden, Mum? >.<

We went to McDonalds that evening  for a Creme Egg McFlurry - I struggled to eat mine due to a severe toothache in my front bottom teeth (yes, those braces were still causing problems!)  David complained that his ice cream was smaller than usual.  Well, considering he was suppoed to be on a diet, I'm not sure why he was complaining!  He'd gone for a walk in Boston Manor Park during his lunch break apparently and hadn't been able to breathe.

He was in a crotchety mood all round really.  He'd "thought that Grottsville would be empty by now""Who did you think would empty it?  The fairies?" Mum retorted.  I couldn't have said it better myself.  It wasn't like David was taking us to Grottsville very often to clear the house as he had promised to do after we move house so how did he expect it to be emptied?

April 7th 2011

I got up at 8am - early for my standards!  I only managed it by setting the alarm and putting the clock on the other side of the room so that I couldn't hit the snooze button though!  Perhaps I had finally discovered a way to force myself out of bed!

Mum was in a bad mood for most of the day, which was worsened by my ongoing depression.  You couldn't really blame me for being depressed though.  After all the toothache I had endured, the wire had popped out of my braces the previous night.  Did that mean that my treatment would be set back again?  I also discovered that Hotmail had blocked me from my own e-mail account due to somebody hacking my account and sending a lot of spam e-mails the previous night.  Better yet, my alternate e-mail address was my Lycos one.  Well, Lycos aren't even in business anymore, so I couldn't use it, of course!  I did eventually manage to get my account back but it was quite stressful at the time.

Apparently Mum had changed her clothes to go for a walk in the park and I didn't notice due to all the stress with trying to get my Hotmail account back.  Well, she could have just told me that she was ready to go, couldn't she?

We walked all the way to Boston Manor Park to meet David in his lunch break.  It was a beautiful sunny day (but not as hot as the previous day, thank goodness!) and we saw some unusual, very pretty ducks on the pond.

(I'm still not sure what they were, to be honest, and I'm too tired to research them now!  If anybody wants to shed some light on the manner and tell me what an idiot I am for not knowing off the top of my head, I would be very grateful!)

It would have been a very nice stroll but my self confidence issues struck again when a nasty little boy of around my own age began staring at my chest as though he couldn't see that it was part of a real person!  I shouted at him (which finally made him take his filthy little eyes off of me, I'm pleased to say) and embarrassed my parents.  Then I went into a severe panic attack and couldn't even walk with David back to the other side of the park as planned.  Mum felt sorry for him for walking all that way to meet us and I began to cry and couldn't stop for the rest of the day.  I just hated these little boys leering at me, especially when I was so self conscious about my hair...rather silly considering they never even seem to notice the person behind the particular areas they stare at.  But Mum shouted at me that it was "my own fault for wearing tight 12-year-olds' t-shirts".  Well, excuse me, but my t-shirt fitted perfectly - maybe a little shorter than some of my t-shirts but it covered everything and wasn't tight at all.  Surely wearing an innocent child's t-shirt with a cute kitten on the front is less of an invitation to these staring creeps than a low cut tank top with a raunchy slogan on the front as most women my age seem to wear?!

She continued to rant at me all day long.  "Emma was right - I'd never be happy."  Not while I was in England, no.  But I do believe with time far away from this crazy place, I would heal and become a normal person.  "Even if she and David paid for me to get education, I wouldn't go unless they found me an all women's institution."  Who asked them to pay for my education?  And of course I would go if I had to in order to better myself.  I'm not going to deny it, I'd hate every moment of being in the same building to a large quantity of young boys, but I wouldn't let them and their roving eyes stop me if I wanted to do something badly enough!  She kept picking on me all day long, ranting that she "knows nothing about clothes or hair or relationships with Canadian lunatics"!  Yeah, I thought that one was a bit weird too...  She was feeling ill though so that gave her the right to utter whatever strange things came into her head apparently!  We were all stressed and feeling ill and there were only six weeks to go before our holiday to the USA.  And I had so much to do beforehand.  Was it any wonder I felt under the weather?

I couldn't really look forward to another holiday with my parents anyway.  "They can kick us off the bus if you don't behave yourself and cause a disturbance," Mum said.  "You should know that."  It hurts when she talks to me as though I am a naughty toddler or puppy rather than a severely depressed adult.  Why would I have any reason to "not behave myself" in America?  For the first time ever, I would be setting foot on what I considered to be my home continent.  I expected to be happier than I had ever been before.  No depression, no "disturbances", right?  Now she was starting to make me doubt myself.  Still, only time would tell, I guess...

And that's it for tonight.  Gosh, why is this taking me so long?!  Perhaps if I stopped rambling on such boring topics, we'd reach something a little more interesting!  Thanks for remaining my loyal readers, through both the good and the bad entries!

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

Thursday, 16 August 2012

Dancing Mothers, Falling Eyelashes, Rubbish Artwork and Sexist Comments

Well, this really is hopeless, isn't it?  I only have two or three weeks to catch up with this blog and I keep going off without so much as an explanation!  The computer is just so slow these days and I never manage to fit all of my jobs into a day.  Even now, I am having to sit up until 3am to have any hope of writing anything at all on here.  I truly believe the blog will never be up to date now. :(

April 1st 2011

David took Mum and I to Grottsville to have our blood tests.  God, I hate blood tests.  I always get so squeamish that I fear I'll faint one of these days!  Well, at least we didn't have to wait for long.  In fact, we were called straight through!  Equally scared that I would faint and "show her up", Mum began dancing around the - otherwise empty - waiting room (there's only a thin curtain between the phlebotomist and her current victim and anybody waiting their turn so I could see her silhouette)!  She made me laugh so hard that it's a wonder the phlebotomist could do her job properly!

David went to Tesco while we were there (sure he'd be back before we were seen), so we were left standing outside for absolutely ages before he returned.  Not a pleasant experience in Grottsville with all the drunken yobs staggering around us!

In honour of April Fool's Day, I played a prank on the MLP Arena claiming that I'd spotted G4 ponies in Tesco.  It was just meant to be a bit of fun - I didn't think many people would actually fall for it as Hasbro themselves had said we wouldn't be getting G4s in the UK just yet and I only left it on there for a couple of hours (at a time of day when I figured most people would be at work or school anyway) before revealing it as a prank, but quite a few people got offended and were really snappy and unpleasant about how I "could have wasted their petrol money".  Well, really, if those people have nothing better to do with their time or money than rush to a shop "over 2 hours drive away" for toys that would soon be available nationwide anyway, I wonder who is the one with a "problem in the head" as one of them so kindly put it...  I've played those kinds of pranks on the Arena on April 1st most years since I became a member there in 2006 and nobody's ever got upset before.  I guess I forgot how MLP became serious business with the arrival of the bronies...

The rest of the day was mostly spent on packing up e-Bay parcels, scanning photographs and listening through more old cassette tapes.  I wasn't even playing the tapes particularly loudly but, with such thin walls, I guess the neighbours could hear them and decided to make a point of banging on the wall in complaint. >.<  Mum "wasn't susprised as nobody could stand that precocious Desirée child"...  Well, I'm pleased to have those tapes as a memory of my voice acting dreams that I was never allowed to pursue, and I know a lot of my e-friends have been taking great pleasure from listening to them and having a good laugh.  I'll also point out that the neighbours never complain about David's LOUD radio, which he plays on the laptop, situated on a desk right by their wall!  So I guess they really do have a personal hatred of my voice!  "Well, they're lucky I'm gagged with braces for two years so that I can't do any voice acting or singing then." I said, feeling upset.  "Well, you were laughing loud enough earlier." Mum snapped, as though I shouldn't even laugh in my own house for fear of upsetting the neighbours.  I'll point out that Sarah, the woman who lives next door, had also been laughing loudly earlier.  Even David had felt the need to comment on it, pointing out that she sounded like a chicken!  Maybe I should have banged on the wall and told HER to stop laughing?!

David had claimed that he was going to help me with packing my e-Bay parcels so I sat and waited for him instead of having my bath.  He eventually came in too late to pack my parcels anyway so I ended up having my bath at about midnight while my parents had a huge argument.  I'm not sure what they were arguing about or why they were in such a bad mood, but the whole house stank of cabbages (there was obviously something wrong with Sickton's drains) so that probably wasn't helping!

The lawyer wrote a nasty letter to David to ask why he hadn't been in touch (I wonder the same thing considering the cabbage smell and various other problems with the house that were effecting us on a day to day basis!) which was the only thing that forced him to finally write back...  Now we had to wait for the lawyer's response.  But David wasn't going about things the right way to have somebody fight our case with any sincerity.

April 2nd 2011

David rolled up at noon as usual, then we went to Ealing Broadway so he could buy a new pair of trousers in Marks & Spencer, as well as visiting the boring bank and post office.  I got fed up with the large numbers of unsavoury men leering at me.  It was too hot to wear my coat and yet I hated feeling their eyes on me...  I know I've said it a million times before, but I am NOT an exhibit in an art exhibition, I'm a human being trying to go about my day to day chores without complete strangers looking at me like a piece of meat!  Yuck.

I'd fallen in love with a pretty rose-patterned black dress in the window of Fashion4Less (a cheap clothing shop where everything costs £5) but it wasn't anywhere to be found inside which was a bit of a disappointment.  Oh well, it's not like I would have worn it anyway, but I was so determined to have the option of wearing something other than trousers for my 20th birthday!

We had chips for dinner but I couldn't eat as many as I usually would due to them being too crunchy.  Well, maybe there were some benefits to having braces.  If I couldn't eat as much junk food, I might be forced to lose some weight!  I had been having terrible self confidence issues with feeling fat and ugly, after all!

I'd got a fixation that my eyelashes were falling out and that my hair loss was going to turn into alopecia universalis, but in truth I think the problem was caused by the fact that we STILL had no bathroom mirror on the wall meaning I couldn't see to properly remove my mascara.  Hence, I'd decided to give myself a few days off of wearing mascara...which in turn made me feel even uglier.  I don't wear a lot of make up but I'm pretty much dependent on my mascara.  If I don't wear it, I feel undressed!

Spanish (No Country) Cherries Jubilee arrived along with her two "bait" friends, Peachy and Starshine.  Sadly I have no more space at the Pony Rescue Home so those two poor girls will probably end up being rehomed, but I'm glad I was at least able to save CJ (who is in pretty much perfect condition besides a tiny tail trim) from some idiotic customiser who didn't realise they were destroying a Nirvana pony!

We finally watched the Dancing on Ice final that evening an I was upset to see that the skate off was no longer available for playback.  That was, until I realised that there is no seperate skate off for the final as it is all one long episode!  I can be such an idiot sometimes.

April 3rd 2011

Mum and I watched the before-mentioned skate off part of the Dancing on Ice episode.  I do enjoy the ice ancing side of it but I hate reality TV for the most part.  It made me sick to see Sam Attwater and Chloe Madeley everywhere - I really don't want to know what they were getting up to behind the scenes and if there's enough interest for the newspapers to be filled with their stories, you have to wonder what's wrong with the readers.  Mum being one of those people.  Well, you didn't think I was reading the stories, did you?!  Of course I wasn't!  However, Mum appeared to be obsessed with reading every word about the skating "stars" and their private lives.  I joked that she'd soon be reading "Hello!" magazine, but I don't think I was too far off the mark. >.<

David didn't arrive at Woodberry until the afternoon again and seemed shocked that we were annoyed with him for wasting another day.  "Why didn't you tell me that you wanted to go out?" he said.  Why would we have to?  The weekend was our only chance to leave the house via car, why would we want to waste it cooped up indoors?!

But that's exactly what we did.  I didn't leave the house all day long.  David didn't even do much around the house, just hanging a couple of pictures on the wall before sleeping and listening to the radio for the rest of the day.

It was Mother's Day (a little late in the year, I thought!) but Mum hadn't allowed me to leave the house alone for long enough to get her a card or gift.  So I just had to make do with making her a card and putting a fiver inside.  I don't think Mum was very impressed but what does she expect if she won't let me near the shops on my own?

Emma made a reappearance in the evening, posting "Happy Mother's Day" on Mum's Facebook wall.  Mum was very excited to be "back in touch" with her but tried desperately to hide it by immediately going to bed (or lying on the floor!) and saying how "people think this makes Emma better but it doesn't".  What "people", may I ask?  Only Mum herself!  I didn't think it was good at all how Emma had been out of touch for weeks on end. stressing Mum to death that she would "never hear from her again".  Writing "Happy Mother's Day" on Facebook so that her friends could see what a good daughter she was didn't make things any better at all.

I was very unsettled in general really, and ended up staying up until 2am again (wow, was that noteworthy back then - now I have to stay up until that time every morning to have any chance of getting things done!) despite being severely overtired.  I was worrying about my braces as the bottom teeth appeared to be moving out of line/overlapping.  I now realise it's natural for the teeth to get worse before they get better but the orthodontist hadn't warned me about this when the braces were fitted.  I didn't even manage to take full advantage of free listing weekend on e-Bay and only got a very few things listed.  What a waste when I had so much clutter knocking around both houses!  Oh well...

April 4th 2011

I woke up at 6am with plush ponies all over me.  It was quite horrifying to see them there in my semi-conscious state.  They were all standing on all fours as though they had come to life and CLIMBED on top of me in my sleep. o_0  No wonder I struggled to sleep peacefully in that bed!

Mum and I walked to Lammas Park.  We took the binoculars but only saw ONE bird the whole time we were there, a chaffinch.  A dog walked stopped and asked us if it was something rare.  Well, apparently so.  It's a bird and BIRDS appear to be rare in this area if that walk was anything to go by!

Mum annoyed me by looking at all the people walking around the park and questioning, "Why aren't the men here at work?"  I don't know,m perhaps they're unemployed/retired?  More to the point, why should the MEN be at work any more than the women?  Does she really live in such a dated universe that women are just put on the planet to sit at home and raise the children in her eyes?!

I spent most of the afternoon scanning more photos and indexing old cassette tapes.  Funnily enough, I was just scanning the photographs of the ill-fated coin operated rides on Bognor Pier in 1996 when I began singing on the cassette I was listening through "Where has my Carousel gone?" (Carousel being one of the very rides on Bognor Pier whose photograph I was scanning at the time!)  "Little things please little minds", my grandma would have said, but I do laugh at coincidences like that!

David went to Tesco on his way back to Woodberry (not even offering me the chance to go to the exciting supermarket that day, having kept us in the day before!) and bought a HUGE tub of Olivio and bottle of salad cream which wouldn't fit in our tiny fridge.  Then he proceeded to get himself a bowl of soup and spill it all over the kitchen countertops, cupboards and floor.  You have never seen such a mess in all your life!  And he just left it there for us to clean up.  Grr...

We then had to clear the hall for the man who was coming to re-lay the lino.  David had to move all the packaging from the cupboard under the stairs which I had been saving for e-Bay sales into the car (where I obviously couldn't get to it, and I had just sold £144 worth of stuff which needed to be wrapped up)!

Well, so much for writing a long blog to make up for my absence!  But, as it is now 1.30am and I can't keep my eyes open, I figure I had better go to bed.  I will be back tomorrow though - I may never catch up with this blog but I'm darned if I'm going to give up just yet!
Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

Thursday, 2 August 2012

Mystery Birds, Love Songs for Fictional Characters and Overcoming Brace Pain!

This is probably a mistake as I have to be up early in the morning for an orthodontic AND hygienist appointment (ouch!), so should be getting an early night.  Oh well, I'm determined to make it to the end of March 2011 at least!

March 28th 2011

My teeth were beginning to feel a bit better (I was even able to chew a little!), but I was still very down about not being able to sing or speak clearly.

Mum and I went for a walk in the local park and saw a strange bird.  I still didn't have a working camera so was unable to photograph it, but from where we were standing it looked very much like a goldcrest.  For those who don't know much about birds, goldcrests are extremely rare and don't occur in our area so I'm sure it wasn't!  We were watching it for some time when a rather strange man came up and asked if we were watching the parakeets.  Well, we do see a lot of green parakeets in that park, but as they are quite large (and noisy!) I'm not quite sure why the man would think we'd need binoculars to look at them...or indeed, why he could not see and hear the birds himself!  We pointed out the little bird to him and he informed us that it was a wren.  It wasn't one of those either.  It had a definite tail, something wrens don't have.  Still we politely thanked the man for his ornothological knowledge, and he happily went on his way!

Not much else happened.  I spent most of the day scanning childhood photos and photographing Mum's precious belongings.  We watched Dancing on Ice and were shocked to discover that Vanilla Ice was eliminated before Johnson or Denise.  It just proves that the public unfairly vote for their favourite people, not for the best skaters.

We were supposed to go to Toys 'R' Us to buy a gift card for Matthew's birthday that evening, but Mum got too tired to go.  Hence, David just popped his head around the door at 10pm, dumped the shopping on the kitchen floor, threw our weekly allowance at us, picked up his bag of potatoes and went "home" to Grottsville as fast as his legs would carry him.  Nice to have such a close family, isn't it?!

March 29th 2011

Another boring day spent scanning photos and photographing Mum's "heirlooms" (like the vase from her parents' wedding which is rapidly deteriorating for no apparent reason).  She was in a deep depression regarding how she had "gone downhill over the past 15 years due to stress and misery".  Two depressive people under one roof are never a good thing and by the end of the day we had practically driven each other to despair!

Back on the ornothology topic, our garden was full of jays and magpies.  Fighting magpies that sounded exactly like electric drills, may I add!  It was quite disconcerting to hear that sound coming from a bird!

The trees opposite were covered in pretty pink blossom - I love spring, and only wish the blossom lasted longer.

In the evening, we went to Hayes Toys R Us to get Matthew's gift card.  There were still no G4s to be seen.  In fact, there were hardly any MLPs on the shelves at all.

We stopped at McDonalds on the way home where I was actually able to eat a Creme Egg McFlurry.  Just a few days earlier I had been convinced that I would be eating no more sticky McFlurries until the braces came off, but I guess even orthodontic treatment can't stand between a girl and her favourite ice cream!

March 30th 2011

Yet another day of scanning, photographing, indexing tapes, arranging pony shelves and so on.  Wow, I lead such a fascinating life!

While indexing the old cassettes, I stumbled across what was quite possibly the most embarrassing recording I ever made.  What causes such great embarrassment, you ask?  Well, let's just say I apparently wrote a love song to a fictional character when I was eleven years old. o_0  The strangest thing is that I have absolutely NO recollection of writing this song...I'd question if I was sober at the time, but considering I don't even drink alcohol now, the idea of being a drunken 11-year-old isn't really a valid excuse!  It's possible that I wrote it for one of my MLP fanfictions and then decided it didn't fit.  Thank goodness for that - my mum used to listen to my fanfic tapes and I think she'd have had me locked up in the looney bin had she heard me declaring my love for a non-existant cartoon character, singing such lyrics as "When he says 'hello' I keep blushing, although not to I've tried" and "if it's what he wants I'll gladly be his sweetheart"!  My grandma used to say "You can think what you want, but never write anything down!"  Well, Desirée-of-the-Past, the same definitely applies for not RECORDING anything so absolutely stupid and humiliating.  I'm still debating whether to just destroy the tape but it makes me laugh so hard to hear my common, out-of-tune, childish voice singing such nonsense.

The most hilarious part is that I must have been embarrassed by my own recording even at the time as I then come in and make the most amusing apology you've ever heard (another reason I can't bear to record over it...oh, WHY didn't I just destroy the recording at the time?!)  I will have to upload the apology at some point for full comedic effect!  Until then, here's a transcript:

"I'm sorry that all that nonsense is on this tape, but that's going to be a song for later on in the MLP Magic series... (The best bit is still to follow...wait for it!) ...But it isn't me who sings all of it!  Part of it is sung by (insert name of fictional character's pet guinea pig here!), part of it by (insert name of fictional character's friend's pet guinea pig), part of it by me (said very hastily!) and part of it by (insert fictional character's name here - wait, so he was singing a love song to himself?!).  So I don't know why I recorded it all in my voice...and I don't know why I said all those funny words anyway (funny words = "darling", I believe!).  But I've changed the words now!  And I couldn't bear to wipe it off even though it's very ridiculous.  This is a week later...nearly.  It's the Friday afterwards! (After what exactly?  After the fateful day you got drunk, Desirée?!)  But this is..." (quickly leads into next tape topic)

The rather ironic bit is that many years later I ended up in touch with the guy who originally voiced said cartoon character.  Hmm...wonder what he'd think (or does think, if he's reading this!) of the fact that my cranky 11-year-old self wrote a song for said cartoon character based on the fact I loved his voice so much?! ;)

I won a lot of three "bait" MLPs on e-Bay including Spanish Cherries Jubilee for a total of £4.20.  The seller didn't mention the fact that CJ was Spanish so I guess she slipped through the net.

When David came home, we went to Grottsville to collect some stuff which I had sold on e-Bay.  (Ironically, I received another couple of bids as soon as we left the house!)  Mum dropped a sample for one of her many tests into the doctor's surgery on the way back and got frightened by a whole gang of seriously drunk boys staring at her from the next doorway along.  David still couldn't see a problem with living in a road filled with such unsavoury characters though.

Perhaps he felt he was in good company.  After we arrived back at Woodberry, Mum caught him leering at a video of a scantily-clad brunette on his computer.  Not knowing how much she'd seen, he claimed he "wasn't looking at pornography, but at the news".  When she pointed out that the BBC News didn't usually have videos of that kind on their website, he corrected himself and said it was "a film, and he didn't know what it was about".  Realising that he had been caught (yet again), he became incredibly nasty towards both of us as though we had done something wrong.  He refused to take Matthew's card/gift voucher to Emma's house, and said to Mum, "if there's not a problem between you and Emma, YOU can go and knock on her door with it!"  A) How was Mum supposed to get to Emma's house without a car?  B) Emma hadn't been in touch for ages again so there obviously was a problem, even though we hadn't worked out what it was.  Mum was already very distressed about it, so it was cruel of David to bring up the subject.

March 31st 2011

Worked hard on scanning, photographing, wrapping e-Bay parcels, doing housework...  I never stopped working and yet Mum kept snapping at me for "not doing anything".  I admit it seemed like nothing was getting done but I was working very hard!  When I dared to think about sitting own for a five minute break, Mum dumped another huge pile of scanning in front of me!

My hair was falling out in a bad way again...which made me think that perhaps everybody was right and the problem behind it was stress.

We went to McDonalds for more Creme Egg McFlurries in the evening.  I ended up finishing mine before Mum was even halfway through hers!  So I must be learning to eat around the braces (and block) at long last!

However, the braces had rubbed a huge sore on the inside of my lip.  I put wax over the offending bracket to stop it rubbing further, but that didn't stop it being sore or my desperate need for a drink...something I couldn't have as I ha a blood test the next morning an had to fast for 12 hours beforehand.

I found another noteworthy recording on an old cassette tape...this one a much nicer one with all of my pets of that time "talking" together.  It made me sad to hear Sparkle, Splodge, Dieselbelle and Clover, but it's always so nice to find a recording of those who have passed on.

I sorted out the merchanise "steps" for the next pony shelf, but didn't have time to catalogue and photograph the ponies to go on the shelf...

Maybe not the neatest "stepping" system in the world, but it's one way of storing extra MLP stuff!

Well, I must go now as it is 2.30am here!  I'm not sure how I'll even get through my appointments tomorrow.  I'll probably fall asleep in the dentist's chair!

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Footsteps could be heard running through the darkest part of England...

...and it wasn't even an olympic athlete!  No, it was the sound of your intrepid blogger running back to her laptop after another two weeks away from blogging.  Grr...  I could have been two months further along with my catch up blogging by now, but I just never seem to have time to sign into Blogger anymore.  Let's see if I can get back on track now...

March 25th 2011

I was still suffering badly with toothache, following having the braces fitted the previous day.  I only managed to get about four hours sleep due to the pain, and couldn't even suck up courage to attempt to eat breakfast until 11.30am.  I'm sure the fact that I refused to take painkillers didn't help (!), but the "block" in particular was causing me excruciating pain.  I couldn't close my mouth and yet I had this terrible urge to bite down on something.  Anything.  Ugh, it was horrible.

You can see how tired and ill I look from these photos (or perhaps that's just the way I look all the time!)

I was just cursing myself for not opening my mouth wide enough to see the braces properly, then I remember how much pain I was in and realised I probably didn't know how wide I'd opened my mouth!  It's amazing to see that horrid gap and overcrowding now though - you tend to forget how bad things were over time, don't you?

I couldn't think of much at all apart from the pain.  I would have liked to have gone for a little walk to try and take my mind off things but Mum felt really ill and got that dreadful stomach pain again and was pacing up and down by noon.  I couldn't take the stress while I was in such agony!

I ended up just going to the ever-exciting Tesco in the evening, by which time I was feeling really ill and disorientated.  There was a nasty gang of loud young boys who scared me to death in my pain induced zombie-like state, and David kept wandering off.  I'm not sure why I felt any safer with him anyway - he ended up getting in line right behind the boys at the checkout!  I did manage to get another nice t-shirt (from the kids' section!) though - a pink one with a giraffe on the front.

March 26th 2011

I woke up with no pain at all, and thought (stupidly) that I was over it.  The pain started up again as I was eating my breakfast and got worse and worse as the day wore on.  In fact, it ended up even worse than it had been the previous day.  Now it was even painful to swallow.

David didn't turn up until noon, by which time the pain was already setting in, of course.  Still, I battled out with him to buy screws so that I could finally fix the handles on the drawers under my bed.  We went to Screwfix first, but they didn't have the right ones and sent us to B&Q.  But B&Q didn't have them either and suggested we go to Screwfix!  We ended up driving all the way to Chiswick for a small hardware shop David remembered seeing there.  He had to park in a spot where we really shouldn't have parked and left me in the car to keep an eye out for traffic wardens.  Great.  I didn't even have a phone with me!  The inevitable happened and a warden came and started writing out a ticket for us.  I had to talk to the bloke and put on the sweetest, most innocent act I could muster (with a terrible lisp and a feeling like a mini tornado in every tooth in my mouth!) and make out that I didn't know we weren't supposed to be parked there.  I told him my dad had just popped into the shop across the road to buy a couple of things and would be back in a minute.  The guy kindly gave me five minutes so I had to get out of the car and literally RUN down the street to the zebra crossing and all the way back to the shop to tell David.

They did sell the right kind of screws in the shop but were still trying to find them in the back room, so I got left there to pick them up and pay while David went back to move the car.  I was left standing outside the shop for AGES waiting for him to drive round and pick me up.  Quite nervewracking for someone in terrible pain with no phone, hardly any money, and no idea of how to get home from there!

He spent the rest of the day "scanning" (aka sitting in front of the scanner and listening to a very loud radio!), and I struggled to do a little more work on my pony shelves.

March 27th 2011

The hour sprung forward.  With my mind filled with toothache, I'd completely forgotten about it, and hadn't gone to bed any earlier to compensate.  Hence I overslept and very little got done...the whole week had been wasted on pain and depression.

David also overslept and rolled up at noon, "which is like 11am to us"!  Yes, David, but it WASN'T 11am any longer!  And is 11am really an acceptable time to wake up anyway?!

We went to Grottsville to pick up some stuff I'd sold on e-Bay and also a large bag of 2p coins.  I always keep my spare 2p coins in case I get to the seaside and have the opportunity to use the coin pusher machines.  I've become quite an expert at those machines and can often make a few pennies on them.  And yes, my fun does stop at 2p coins.  I'd hate anyone to think I was a closet gambler!

After that, we stopped at Tesco for a couple of bits of shopping we desperately needed.  It was closing time and they wouldn't allow us to take a trolley.  I didn't dare to leave my e-Bay sales goods in the car so ended up carrying them with me...and trying to support my handbag (full of heavy 2p coins!) to stop the already broken handle finally giving way.  I needed to find another bag quickly.

My teeth felt a little better, and I was actually able to eat ravioli instead of soup for dinner!  But I still couldn't talk or chew properly and it was making me really miserable.  In fact, I had a terrible panic attack in the evening and would have pulled the braces off if they hadn't been so strongly glued on my teeth.  I didn't see why I should go through so much pain and expense just for appearance.  Okay, in my case I also suffered from pain in my overcrowded teeth and slight eating difficulties from the left molars lying down as they did.  But the predominant reasons for having braces fitted was due to lack of self confidence.  Well, perhaps it people weren't so OBSESSED with judging others, I wouldn't have to be suffering such agony!  I will never understand why people would rather have a "perfect" person who has been drastically changed with cosmetic surgery than somebody who looks natural.  Speaking from experience, I think it's our natural little flaws that make us attractive.  It's sad that women so commonly feel inferiour and end up struggling to pay for botox injections, tummy tucks and breast enlargements to meet the standards of their (drastically altered, and usually not for the better!) peers.  And it's not just women either.  To make an example, I know a guy who is constantly beating himself up over his appearance.  "I'm too short!  I hate my crooked mouth!  Everyone stares at these marks on my cheek!"  All things I hear from him on a regular basis.  All these insecurities were instilled in him from years of bullying and cruel comments from other people.  I struggle to see how they could feel that way.  Right, so maybe he's not model material but why should he have to be?  If I tell the truth, I find the tall, dark and handsome stereotype very unattractive.  There's nothing wrong with being short, and there's little more adorable than this guy's lop-sided smile or the oddly-placed freckles on his cheek.  That's what makes him the guy I've come to know and love.  If he has a kind heart, outer appearance really doesn't mean much.  It would be like judging a birthday gift on the paper in which it was wrapped.  If people find it necessary to make negative comments on other people's appearance, you have to wonder what's wrong with THEM. Would they really like to live in a world where everyone looked exactly the same?  Well, I guess I'm getting off topic again, but it did annoy me to have to endure such pain just to feel that I was acceptable in the outside world.  Really, if complete strangers want to laugh at me or call me names, it's their problem, not mine.

David stayed until midnight "doing scanning" again, although he seemed to spend most of the time listening to 70s comedies on the BBC i-player and actually turned the scanner off at 10pm!  With such a noise coming from just up the hall, I couldn't watch any "Dancing on Ice" again.  I'd fallen so far behind, and with the final taking place that night, it seemed quite pointless watching it all really.  After all, I was bound to hear who won by the following day.

And, with that, I will have to go to be as my eyeslids are getting heavier by the moment!  I will try to get another entry written tomorrow though.  Neglecting this blog won't get the job done!

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx