Monday, 28 July 2014

I could say it never happened, just a dream from the start...

...But then I'd live my life with a broken heart.

Listening to old Disney music and crying my heart out at the memories it holds for me.  Couldn't just one of my dreams have come true?

July 16th 2011

I was still in agony from the orthodontic tightening of the previous day.  I couldn't sleep for rolling around in pain and my bed linen was soaked in sweat.  I ended up coming downstairs at 4am and swishing cold milk around my mouth to try to dull the pain (which had worked for the past two orthodontic visits) but it did nothing for me at all this time.  I paced up and down for around an hour because I just couldn't do anything else.  And so, for the very first time in my life, I ended up giving in and taking a painkiller.  And guess what?  Taking a single Nurofen tablet didn't kill me!  Shocking!

From burning up and drenching the sheets, I was now shivering.  So I went back to bed with a hot water bottle...which was still boiling hot when I woke up five hours later at 10am!

The removal men brought the stamp cabinet and tallboy from Grottsville, as well as taking the desk upstairs and bringing one of Mum's many cabinets back downstairs.  David brought them into the back room unexpectedly and I'm ashamed to say I said something rather rude to them all.  In my defense, I was still in dreadful pain with my teeth but I'm still embarrassed about it.  I just like to look my best when strangers come into the house and there I was, sitting there in my scruffy clothes with my hair in a mess.  I wish David would give me some warning!

Anyway, I got my comeuppance.  Due to the raised voices, David had them leave the cabinet in Mum's "bed" (or rather, the part of the floor where she chooses to sleep) and it was left to me to lift the cabinet into the right corner all on my own.

David's office looked very small with all of the furniture in place...


Remember what I was saying in my last entry about every step we tried to take forward resulting in ten steps backwards?  Well, this was no exception.  We had more furniture in place...but the removal men managed to damage the bannisters, ceiling and wall by moving stuff up and down the stairs!


David managed to leave two of Mum's precious pictures from Grottsville on the removal van (thankfully the removal men were honest and we got them back but it was stressful all the same).  He then thought that he had left the door open at the storage depot - he hadn't, by the way - so took off to check it...and used it as an excuse to slip back to Grottsville for an afternoon of sleep.

He returned late that night and took me to the ever fascinating Tesco.  Well, at least I got to leave the house, I guess!

He started a stupid argument on his way out to Grottsville upon our return.  Mum accused him of doing more for his employers than he did for his own family by staying out all night.  His answer was that he'd actually been listening to the radio all night and not working at all, (If that was the case, couldn't he have done that at home?!)

This angered Mum further.  "It's all right for some with their fancy radios," she said.  "We don't even have a television or an oven here!"

"I told you this was the wrong house," David snapped.

"What's that got to do with not having an oven or TV?" Mum asked, confused.

"We haven't got space..." David trailed off, remembering that we do have an oven in the kitchen but that Mum won't use it because of the awful open plan arrangement and not wanting cooking smells in the living room.  "You refuse to use it!" he corrected himself.

There wasn't a lot that Mum could reply to that, so she just started another barrage about how much she hates open plan houses as David retreated through the front door.

July 17th 2011

Mum was awoken by scrabbling noises up on the roof.  She looked up to see a fox staring through the rooflight at her!  Gosh, they were getting bold.

My hair was falling out badly again.  It seemed to coincide with whenever I was stressed or in pain.  I was still in agony with my teeth so put the blame on that for the latest hair fall.  The toothache was preventing me from doing anything really.  I even failed to use all of my free listing spaces on eBay and only got 100 things up for sale instead of 200.  What a waste.

David further insulted me regarding my shouting at the removal men the previous day.  He said that I was "just like his mother; skittish and afraid of men".  Well, considering what a horrible person my grandmother was, I would not want to be compared to her at the best of times.  However, this was particularly unfair.  I am not skittish around men, nor am I afraid of them.  Quite the opposite.  I loathe most specimens of the opposite sex and am not afraid to tell them when I don't like the way they treat me.  The only reason I had shouted was that David hadn't allowed me time to comb my hair and put on some decent clothes before allowing complete strangers to see me looking such a mess...plus I had been in terrible pain with my teeth at the time, of course.

We went to Grottsville in the evening to set up a new video for my timer recording of Friendship is Magic.  Kind of pointless, considering I hadn't been able to watch a single episode on VHS yet!  While I was there, I made a horrifying discovery.  David had taken it upon himself to hoover the library in preparation for the removal men.  Well, the last time David had allowed me some time to clear some of my stuff out of the house, I had knocked my tin of precious Teeny Weeny Families off of a shelf, the lid had come off and many of the tiny pieces were scattered on the floor.  It was too dark to pick them up at the time and I had planned to do so on my next visit.  Having not given me any time to clear up in that house since that day, the tiny toys were still on the floor.  They obviously weren't now however, as they were all in the hoover bag.  David refused to look inside the hoover bag (even though this was entirely his fault) and told me to do so instead.  How could I open up a bag of dust and carpet beetle dung with my allergies?  And what were the chances of finding walking sticks and glasses for Polly Pocket-sized dolls in a bag of filth anyway really?  I was so upset.  I was always so careful with my Teeny Weeny collection when I was small, and now there were pieces missing from all but four sets.  He'd even reduced the value should I choose to sell them!

David spent another evening at work.  Or maybe he was listening to the radio...who knows?

July 18th 2011

Another day of depression.  My toothache had eased off a bit at long last, but I was still losing loads of hair.
David had to pick up a new pair of glasses from Specsavers so gave Mum and I a lift to Ealing Broadway.  I had hoped to find more dresses in the same style to the one I had bought in Primark, but all of the size 10 ones were now sold out.  I still managed to waste money on three more packets of Inecto coconut facial wipes and a new Inecto lip balm from Savers though!

We walked back through the parks but couldn't really enjoy them due to Mum being in a fowl mood.  The reason this time was that she had decided her new ottoman was "the wrong colour for the room"...

David announced that he had got - gasp! - a DAY OFF WORK for Mum's birthday the following day, then promptly left for Grottsville without making any plans for anywhere to go.  A sure plan for disaster in this disorganised family...

July 19th 2011

David rolled up at 9am with his work bag in hand.  Huh?  I thought he'd got the day off!  "So what's happening?" he snapped at her, more as an obligatory statement than a genuine question.  "Well, you didn't make a plan..." Mum started.  "So I'll go to work then!" finished David, throwing a birthday card at Mum.  Mum was understandably upset and tore the card in half...complete with the money that David had put inside it!  She then threw the pieces at David as he left the house.  He picked up the  half bank notes (I still have no idea how much he had given her), cursing about Mum's attitude, and apparently threw them away.  Seriously?  We could have at least tried to tape them back together.  I would have had that money if my parents didn't want it!

I was actually in bed for most of this performance and awoken by Mum's wonderful voice shouting at David about being stuck with "your kid that I don't want".  Nice.

I hadn't been able to go shopping alone to buy Mum a card or gift but drew her a "card" on a scroll and wrote a poem on it.  I also included a £10 note.  Maybe I wouldn't have been so keen had I known what she'd done with David's money!  Fortunately, she had calmed down a bit by this point and didn't tear up my gift.

I had another very bad day with my hair loss.  Mum had been horrible to me the night before saying that I "deserved to have no hair as I enjoyed winding myself up".  This because I had been trying to have a calm discussion about the best way of achieving my goal of getting to Vancouver.  She "didn't understand why I WANTED to get there" though.  *Sighs*

I scanned a lot of old photographs for her and then, when it began to rain, she turned nasty and said that I had stopped her going to the park in the nicer weather.  Uh...she never said that she WANTED to walk in the park.  In fact, she'd been moaning that her legs still hurt from walking home from Ealing.

Well, we went for a walk in the pouring rain anyway and noticed that only three pieces of her birthday card were still lying on the pavement.  I suppose the nosy neighbours must have picked up the other pieces to try to find out who it was from!

Upon our return, she sent email complaints to everyone for not sending her cards.  It turned out that Emma had sent her cards to Grottsville (where Mum had lied that we were still living because she was so ashamed of the mess at Woodberry...so that one kind of backfired), and her cousin/ex boyfriend Bill's mother was dying which was why he hadn't got round to it.  He grovelled and apologised so hopefully that made her feel a bit better anyway.

Emma was also in a bad mood because she had apparently read one of my blog entries saying that we had visited Feltham Asda over a year previously and she thought that we should have gone and knocked on her door.  Well, we'd hardly go there uninvited, would we?!

I had a terrible panic attack in the evening of the kind that I hadn't experienced since I was a child.  It didn't last for long but it really scared me.  Too many years dreaming the same dreams and doing nothing to fulfill them, I suppose.

David scarpered off to Grottsville almost as soon as he arrived, obviously not wanting to experience any more of Mum's wrath.  He rang up to tell me that FiM had been successfully recorded...with an information bar all the way through it.  Great.

July 20th 2011

My hair was "worse than ever".  I lost - gasp! - 80+ hairs!  It looked "absolutely horrid" but Mum still said that I must not even speak of wigs.  Well, it looks a heck of a lot worse now, Desirée-of-the-Past, but somehow you just get used to these things.

Curious to know what all the fuss was about, I decided to look up the infamous "Cupcakes" G4 MLP fanfiction that everybody was talking about.  I wished I hadn't.  I don't think I've ever looked at G4 Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash in the same light since then!  There are some seriously messed up people out there if they enjoy writing stuff like that about children's characters.  And no, if you are one of the few people who hasn't seen it, DON'T look it up.  It ain't pretty!  With my fear of blood, I couldn't even read the whole thing because I knew I'd pass out from the thought of it all!

We walked to Lammas Park via the South Ealing charity shops.  I bought a nice dress in MAPF for £4.00.  It was very tight (What?  You're joking?  It was a size 12...I haven't tried it on for ages but I bet it would fall off of me now!) and low cut but still very pretty for wearing around the house.

We went to Grottsville that night to collect some more stuff that I had sold on eBay as well as a few G3 playsets for my pony display.  It was then that I realised I had been carrying some keyrings that I had sold on  eBay in my bag since our last visit to Grottsville!  Lucky they hadn't got lost or damaged really, isn't it?

David rushed me away from the house as fast as he could as always (how did he expect me to clear it out?). and then had a go at me for not closing the stamp cabinet properly.  (Well, you can't have it both ways - I do a rushed job or a good job!)  He dashed me back to Woodberry and then ran back to the office for some reason.  I guess he must have left something there that he didn't want his colleagues to see...


And do you know, I've still got "So Much More Than A Dream" stuck in my head.  I'm going to be crying at that earworm for days now!

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

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