Monday, 13 April 2015

Belated Christmas Gifts, Cheeky Ebayers and Haircuts

January 11th 2012

David didn't get up to collect my mysterious parcel before work as he had promised to do.  He then promised to drop us in Ealing at lunch time so that I could collect it myself and walk home through the parks, but that didn't work either as Mum was refusing to eat breakfast in case she got one of her pains...and yet she wouldn't go out until she'd eaten!

Hence, another day was wasted indoors stressing about my thinning hair and feeling helpless and ugly.  Mum kept stressing me out by talking about holidays and asking me where I wanted to go for my birthday when I was just struggling day to day to keep forcing myself to go out in public.  I had no idea what I would look like by May!  Instead of comforting me, Mum just yelled at me for "holding her back, even though I would have been happy to b****r off on my own for my 21st".  Well, yeah, I had always planned to go to Vancouver alone for my 21st birthday but that was mainly because Mum had never wanted to go there so why would I expect her to go to my dream location with me?  Anyway, it was irrelevant now because I wasn't going there with my orthodontic braces and thinning hair.

I scanned some more of my coin operated ride catalogue collection while listening to the new Bucky O'Hare DVD.  I hated being so exposed in David's office with the curtains open though - I ended up shouting at Chris Sickton as he walked past and getting really upset by all the thick haired women going about their business.  I was convinced that they were all staring at me.  Talk about paranoid!

I ran into some more unpleasant websites on the computer history whilst scanning too.  All violence and dominance over women.  Three guesses who'd been looking at those.  No wonder I've grown up hating and avoiding men the way I do.

I suddenly had a lot of interest on eBay.  Several questions and four bids, all on my Grand Champions and Care Bears.  Mind you, it wasn't the right kind of interest.  One of the cheeky so-and-sos wanted a 20% discount on the Care Bears (having already bid at the full price!)

My depression and anxiety issues were getting beyond a joke.  A combination of lack of education, thinning hair, seemingly having no way to achieve my dreams or go to Canada and being alone and unwanted forever more was really getting to me.  Why couldn't I be a normal person and work through my issues one at a time?

We went to McDonalds for yet more fattening fries that evening.  David's driving was really concerning me now.  He was so busy stuffing his face with wine gums that he drove past two "road closed" signs before he finally heard Mum and I shouting at him and turned the car around!

January 12th 2012

David took a day off work using the excuse that he was "going to his aunt's funeral" and then wasted the day anyway.  He hung a mirror on the wall and went to the post office to collect my parcel but that was about the extent of his day.

Ah, my parcel.  I know you're all dying to know what was inside.  Well, it was a lovely surprise belated Christmas gift from my friend Steph.

So many cute things!  I was especially in love with the hanging hook and the adorable TokiDoki unicorn.  Now I wanted to collect all the Unicornos!  She still has pride of place on a shelf in my bedroom...but alas, I have never been able to afford any friends for her.

It was the week of the cheeky eBayer apparently.  One of the bidders on my Grand Champions asked if she could use my auction photos for her website.  Fair enough.  Sure, I said.  But this wasn't good enough.  She now asked me if I had any other Grand Champions that I would be willing to photograph for the website.

Don't ask me why but I thought I'd help her out and dug my childhood herd out to photograph.  Well, it's probably good to have photographic evidence of all of my collections anyway just in case anything ever happened to them and I was trying to claim on the house insurance.  However, I thoroughly regret sending her the pictures.  Not only did she not thank me for sending them, she withdrew her bids as soon as she'd received them!

Oh well, I haven't even seen my horses since then because they are all in storage so it's nice to have pictures to look at anyway.  I won't bore you with all of the photos but here are a couple of my favourite Grand Champions.

I often wished I'd had the money and space to collect more of these.  My Little Pony was all well and good for the "fantasy dream world" side of things, but nothing beat Grand Champions for a child who longed to have more to do with real life horses.  Grooming and tacking up my Grand Champions was the next best thing.

I was still distressed about my hair loss and the fact that I had no way of getting out of the country.  Seriously?  Maybe if I'd sat down and thought calmly about my options, I could have achieved a lot more.  Instead of that, I just continued to repeat the same cycle day after day.

I went to Grottsville to collect the Care Bears that I'd sold on eBay but that was the extent of my view of the outside world for the day.

Mum was in an absolutely horrid mood with me, accusing me of "speaking to her like dirt" even though I was trying to be nice.  I might have been snappy due to my stress levels but no more than she was herself!

January 13th 2012

Another day wasted on my anxiety issues.  I'm getting sick of reading about the same old thing day after day myself so I'm sorry that you are also having to endure this nonsense, dear reader.

In my defense, I didn't feel like I could start any job that would take any length of time as David was at a meeting in central London today and had said that he would be popping in to see us at lunchtime.  Hence, I figured I would be disturbed by my parents' arguing if I started any of my major clearing up chores etc.

As it happened, he didn't come in until 2pm so, by the time he had left again, it was almost dark.

Mum and I walked to the South Ealing charity shops.  Having done no tidying up, I came home £1.50 lighter with two more pieces of clutter for the house!

Well, they were adorable pieces of clutter, you must admit!  I collect plush guinea pigs and Patches was one TY piggy that I never saw in the shops.  I think the fakie is a Simba one?  Whatever she is, she reminded me of a strange kind of deformed G1/G3 MLP cross and I couldn't leave her behind.

My hair was driving me so mad that I had decided to take the plunge and get it cut to shoulder length.  It seemed a waste to pay if it was all going to fall out anyway, but I just couldn't stand the rats' tails hanging down my back any more.  Mum was not keen on me getting rid of my "lovely long hair", of course.  But who wants to hang on to something that's already dead?

Something was seriously weird about eBay this week.  Mum had 1078 watchers on one of her items!  She made me double the price on it "just in case"...but I'm pretty sure it was a computer glitch.

I scanned some more kiddie ride flyers and researched even more rides online.  Somebody had listed a "Battlestar Galactcar" Spaceship ride on eBay...sadly, as with so many other rides, I lost the photos on my old computer.

January 14th 2012

Just as I'd feared, Mum allowed me to oversleep so as to prevent me getting my hair cut.

Judging by my blog notes, this was the most boring day of 2012 so far.  I wasted the entire day crying and stressing about the usual things; spending the rest of my life single and alone, never getting out of my parents' house, having no education or hair...  All the usual boring topics.

Of course, it just happened to be *that* time of the month which was making my mood ten times worse.  I was in terrible pain with a migraine and stomach ache and kept going dizzy which made me even less able to cope with my mental health problems.

I put some bubblewrap up at David's office window to act as a temporary "net curtain", allowing myself some privacy to finish scanning my kiddie ride flyer collection.

The highlight of my day was a trip to McDonalds again for fries and a Munchies McFlurry.  It's no wonder that I was so fat and unhealthy, is it?

January 15th 2012

Mum argued about me getting my hair cut again, but I eventually won the argument and got to Supercuts in Hounslow at 11am.  Luckily, "my" hairdresser (i.e. the woman who cut my hair before and who I had learnt to trust) was there and the queue wasn't too long.

Mind you, she filled me with absolute positivity about my future.  I asked her if she knew of any decent trichologists and she told me that she didn't believe in them.  If I wanted my hair to grow back, I would just have to pray to God!

Mum was upset about my short hair but I actually found that I preferred it at this length.  I only wished that it was thick again.  Ha ha, very funny, Desiree of the Past.  It looks great compared to how it looks these days.  However, I can't believe how BIG I was in these photos!  Well, of course I can believe that I was that big after all that junk food...I just can't believe that I was seemingly unaware of my weight!  (Which reminds me that I NEED to get a grip on exercising now or I'm going to end up like this again!)

After Hounslow, we came back to Woodberry while David went to the loo for hours.  Then we headed out to Family Bargains where we managed to find sixteen boxes of Weetaflakes.  Oh, did I forget to mention that my favourite cereal had been discontinued?  The lentil and vegetable casserole that we used to buy from Holland and Barrett had been discontinued too.  I think Mum and I put a curse on the few foods that we like because they always seem to get discontinued.  Maybe we just have strange tastes!

I randomly saw an original G3 Rainbow Dash (one of the promotional packs with a free "A Charming Birthday" VHS tape!) priced at £3.99 in Family Bargains.  I wonder where that had been hiding for eight years?

We passed by the FARA Kids Charity Shop on our way back.  As usual, I strained to look through the window as we drove past and saw what I believed to be the Crystal Rainbow Castle Playset.  I was proved to be right...

I don't know why I bought it really.  It set me back £10 and only came with the two fakies pictured (no MLPs or accessories).  And I had absolutely nowhere to keep it.  In fact, it has spent most of the time since I got it getting dirty, discoloured and ruined in our bathroom.  I suppose I just couldn't resist it after the excitement of seeing it through the window!

I loved my new hair so much that I kept tossing my head, and managed to bang my head on a man's arm in FARA.  Embarrassing to say the least!

We had YET MORE fattening fries and Munchies McFlurries at McDonalds on the way home.  I wonder if I can ever fully reverse the effects of that unhealthy period of my life?!

I was still suffering from a terrible migraine and could hardly see through my eyes.  Maybe that explained my bad purchase decisions since I couldn't think straight, you know?  Or maybe I'm just making excuses for myself!

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

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