Friday, 10 April 2015

The End Of 2011!

At long last!  Only three full years between that one and the one we're currently living in!

December 26th 2011

I didn't leave the house.  So much for the Boxing Day Sales!  I wasn't even awoken until 10am and David wasn't washed and dressed until 1pm, so all of the bargains would have been long sold by the time we got anywhere.

Mum didn't want to go out anyway.  It was absolutely freezing in the house with no heating and she refused to even take her clothes off to wash.  Hence, she didn't want to venture outside of the four walls.  I myself spent most of the day huddled under my duvet whilst my parents argued.  I had a terrible stomach ache (no doubt caused by a chill) but it took me two hours to suck up courage to go to the loo because it was so cold!

I had a really bad cough too, caused by the cold air catching on my breath.  Why does the heating always have to go wrong over the holidays when there's nobody available to fix it?

December 27th 2011

Didn't leave the house again.  Yep, I lead an exciting life.

David didn't even want me to get up and was cross when Mum called me at 9.30 in the morning because he had wanted to start doing family history at that time.  (He needed the table which I would be using for breakfast once I got up).

 Mum didn't want to brave the cold to wash or change her clothes again so we still couldn't go and look around the sales.  There would be nothing left at all by the time we got there!

David was quite unpleasant towards her, I thought, saying that she could "drive herself if she wanted to go out as she was a mess and hadn't even combed her hair".  This upset her because she HAD just combed her hair right before he said it, and she thought she must look a mess regardless.  When I stood up for her and repeated the sentence back to him to show how stupid he sounded (considering Mum is scared of driving and hasn't driven for decades), she snapped at ME, "He said it to ME - you're not the ONLY one in the world, you know?"  Uh...I was standing up for YOU, you silly woman.  I won't bother next time if you're just going to use it as an excuse to pull me down again.

She worked herself up so much that she ended up hitting David around the head with a bottle of Gaviscon, crying triumphantly, "You want a bad head?  Well, you've got one now!" He'd just been complaining of a headache at the time...  Ow...  (Note to all men out there: Never say anything rude about a woman's appearance.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!)

He retreated to the loft and slept off his headache for the rest of the day, then trundled off to Grottsville late that night while I spent another lonely evening talking to e-friends online.

I had a terrible cough and was trembling with cold.  Luckily, the heating was to be fixed the following day so our suffering wouldn't continue for much longer.

Emma still hadn't been in touch.  Mum, in the midst of her bad temper, wanted to put their presents out for the dustman.  Luckily, I persuaded her to bring them back inside...

December 28th 2011

David was in the bathroom when the man came to fix the boiler.  He shouted at us for not going to the door...funny.  I thought we weren't fit to be seen in public?  I was in another stressed state about my thinning hair and didn't want to be seen by anyone.  In fact, I spent the whole time that the man was there hiding underneath my duvet...even though I'd pulled the desk out in case he needed to see to the radiator behind it.  Not sure what I would have done if he had needed to...laid dead still and hoped he wouldn't notice the suspicious lump in the bed?!

Once the man left, Mum was able to wash and change her clothes for the first time since Christmas Eve.  This meant that we could finally go to Hounslow to wander around the shops.  The crowds and queues were awful and the shelves were empty anyway.  We got a cheap blanket and colander but that was all.

I was in a dreadful state about my hair.  The back of my neck felt cold and I was sure it was due to there being so little hair there.  I think I imagined it looking far worse than it actually did to be honest.  I was already working myself up into a panic about having to wash it in order to see the dermatologist in a few days.  Well, I'd avoided washing it for long enough, hadn't I?

David went to Tesco on his own in the evening.  Still in search of Blossom Forth, he asked me if I wanted a pony called "Prance Sweet with the Ice Cream Symbol".  I still have no idea who the mysterious Prance Sweet was.  Perhaps I should have said yes...she might have been a rare factory error worth millions of pounds!

We finally got around to watching the Downton Abbey Christmas Special.  I couldn't believe how quickly I had got hooked on that show.  I seldom watch television (especially since we don't have a TV and have to watch everything we DO watch on the I-player) so it's very unlike me to be hanging on for the next episode of anything.

On top of all my hair woes, I had become self conscious about my weight again.  Well, I would feel fat and bloated if I kept eating so much junk food and chocolate, wouldn't I?!

Emma still didn't contact us.  I was starting to worry that something was wrong with one of them, although I knew it was more likely that she was in a bad mood with us about something.  David took their gifts to Grottsville to get them out of our way.  I wished we could just arrange a time to take them to her though.  Soon they'd be too late to even be used as New Year gifts!

December 29th 2011

Another day locked up in the four walls.  Gosh, how times have changed.  Why didn't I just get up and walk out of my own front door?  Oh yes, because I was scared of my parents' opinions if I even did that much for myself.

To be honest, I was sleeping most of my life away anyway.  Today I didn't even get up until 11am.  Mum obviously hadn't wanted me to get up as she hadn't made any attempt to call me when I overslept.  In fact, she blamed me for making her watch Downton Abbey the previous night, causing her to oversleep herself (she hadn't got up until 8.30am...still not sure how that makes her leave me in bed for a further two and a half hours!)

I think she'd been enjoying herself too much online to want to wake me.  Her friend Jill had been winding her up and telling her how ill she thought Mum was until Mum truly believed that she was dying.  Gee thanks, Jill.  A hypochondriac like my mum really needs a friend like you!

David spent the entire day in the loft.  He didn't even bother to take the rubbish bag to Grottsville as he usually did on rubbish collection day.  No wonder I felt so lonely living with those two!

He didn't seem to care that these were possibly my last few days of leaving the house as I was to be forced to wash my hair soon.  He knew how sensitive I was about my hair and how I would feel if I did lose a load more and the bald bits became more obvious.  I wanted to make the best of the days where I was prepared to go out, not waste them sitting indoors.

STILL no word from Emma.  This was getting quite disturbing.

December 30th 2011

I woke up at 8am but was paralysed to the spot by my hair loss phobia.  Mum eventually called me at 9.45am which was when I forced myself to get up.  David then started ranting at me for making them late to go out by eating breakfast so late.  Well, they could have always called me earlier.  I was wide awake, I just couldn't force myself to move until I was called.  Depression is a horrible, debilitating thing.

Anyway, I gulped my breakfast and gave myself indigestion and threw on some decent clothes so that I was ready to go.  But then they started arguing about where to invest Mum's money and how I should be on benefits.  Mum wanted to put her money in my name because she could get a higher interest rate that way but David didn't trust me not to spend her money.  Never mind the fact that it's illegal to hold someone else's money just to get a higher interest rate for them!  The next idea was that she and I should get a joint account.  But then what if I dared to get a job?  She would be taxed!  Never mind, I could pay her taxes for her on top of my own out of my wages.  Uh...why do you even want to put your money in my name?  Do I even get a say in the matter at 20 years old?!

Never mind, after a lot of arguments, we finally set off for High Wycombe.  David then started shouting at me again for not knowing where the bank was as I had looked at Google maps.  Well, that had been several hours before when they had rushed me to get ready to go out.  And Mum hadn't asked me to look for the bank, only to find out if there were any other interesting shops nearby.  We both presumed that David would have already researched the bank.

It poured with rain so it was not a pleasant trip (all of the shops were out in the open - there was no shopping centre or mall).  The bank wouldn't see us anyway due to the fact that my parents hadn't made an appointment.  David was outraged.  "But we've come all the way from London!" he said.  The young lad behind the desk looked very apologetic but there was nothing he could do, of course.  "Oh well, we'll have to go to the Halifax then!" David snapped loudly and deliberately over his shoulder as he left the bank!

Despite the rain, we had a nice wander around the shops.  There were several unusual charity shops but unfortunately nothing that I could buy to sell on eBay.  I saw a Singing Minty and a MLP video but decided they weren't worth the prices that they were charging for them.

I desperately neede a new bag as the strap on mine was literally clinging on by four very thin, worn threads!  But there were none to be found in High Wycombe.  I got a nice selection of Lush products in the sales though.  (God knows where I had the money for such luxuries in those days - what I'd give for a Lush bath now!)

We had yet more fries at McDonalds on our way home.  David proved his safe driving skills once again by driving over a zebra crossing as some people began to cross the road.  The radio was the cause of his lack of concentration again.  But, of course, he blamed the innocent folk crossing the road instead.  "Well, they shouldn't have been there, should they?"  WTH?  Are you serious?

My hair was driving me absolutely crazy.  I'd refused to even go out without wearing a hat, and the only hat I had to hand was an ugly woolly stripey thing which had been given to me as an unwanted Christmas gift when I was about 11!  I kept crying at the thought that the man I had hoped to end up with would never accept me now, especially if I went completely bald.  The only thing that made me smile was the thought of going to Canada and even that part of my dream seemed impossible.

Far from comforting me, Mum snapped, "Well, I'm glad you're going bald because you would never have coped in a large family.  And anyway, I would have hated you to leave."  Charming.  I wanted assurance that somebody would love me the way I was and not care about what I looked like, not a snappy remark like that one!

December 31st 2011

And so New Year's Eve had rolled around once again.  I was miserable that yet another year had ended with so little having been done.  No work, no education...  Everything was supposed to improve once I moved to Woodberry.  But I had no clue what to do with my life and no clue where to go for advice.

Once again, I didn't bother to get up until 10.30am.  What was the point?  I didn't have a life outside of bed anyway.

By the time I got up, Mum had agreed with David to go to Ealing Broadway to invest her money at a bank there.  We got as as far as the car park when she decided that she wasn't going to get out of the car because she'd forgotten her waistcoat and, more importantly, she didn't want to lock her money away anyway.

I had wanted to go to Primark in search of cheap underwear and a new bag but since when did my needs matter?  I was driven straight home without a word being said to me.  I felt certain that I wouldn't even be leaving the house soon due to my thinning hair, so I really wanted to get all of my jobs up to date.  I was sick of my lack of independence but unsure how to break away.

We drove past a paint shop (which was closed) and then came straight back to the house.  Oh well, at least it was warm now, I guess!

Mum spent the rest of the day yelling at me in her bad temper.  The topic of the evening was how I "shouldn't like Canadian accents because I've never set foot in the place".  I'm not quite sure how visiting a country makes you like or dislike an accent but hey, what do I know?

She was still convinced that she was dying.  Today's ailment was a "mouth full of blood" (bleeding gums due to the days when she didn't bother to brush her teeth due to there being no heating?)  She refused to see a doctor however.

David was being absolutely horrid to her, saying that he "would be talking to her as little as possible from now on".  Well, he could hardly talk to her less than he did now!  Maybe if he was better company to her, she wouldn't have grown so dependent on me and be so keen for me to stay at home all the time!

STILL no word from Emma.  Where on Earth could she be?

David went to Grottsville via Tesco - he was still out at 10pm when I wrote my blog notes while Mum slept on the floor.  Another sad, empty New Year's Eve spent all alone in a darkened room.

Well, let's end on a happier note, shall we?  I bought myself a joint Christmas/New Year gift in the form of some ponies from MLP Arena member BriteSprite.

They were not in the best of conditions (these were her childhood ponies which she begged me to keep together as a group...which I have done to this day, even though I already had a better condition Pearly Baby Blossom!), but I loved them anyway.  I got a very good deal on the Pearly Babies too, from what I can remember.  I certainly couldn't have afforded a group of them like that at their true value.  I think she let them go cheap because she wanted to sell them as a lot.

Ever onwards...tune in tomorrow for the start of 2012!  Yep, only three years and four months behind now!

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

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