Sunday, 18 October 2015

Different Days, Same Old Stories...

March 26th 2012

David came in at lunch time to take me for "walkies" again.  Back to the South Ealing charity shops.  (Well, there weren't many other places to go in such a short space of time)  There was nothing of interest in the shops anyway.  One of them wasn't even open due to it being a Monday.

Obsessed with supermarkets as ever, he desperately wanted to go in the Co-Op or Sainsburys but he couldn't think of anything to buy!

I spent most of the day suffering with toothache and stressing about my hair.  I managed to cram some more of my MLP merchandise under the bed but the hobby room looked no clearer for it.  I had bids on over £200 worth of stuff on eBay but it was mostly small things like comics which obviously didn't help much with clearing the house.

Meanwhile, the carpet beetle situation was worsening.  One landed on my arm while I was washing that morning and Mum found one on the wall underneath one of the pictures my parents had hung on the previous day.

Emma was in another bad mood following Mum telling her our opinion of her for not going to see the kids after their accident.  Of course, it didn't help that Mum had added a jealous rant about how Emma had more money than us (to keep taking the younger kids to such an expensive ice cream parlour) and had dared to mention that she felt sorry for me over my hair and teeth problems.  Well, she might know better than to be sympathetic about me to my sister after all the lies and hatred she'd spread about me!

Don't worry though, she was anything but sympathetic about me.  My lovely long distance friend/boyfriend/whatever the hell he liked to call himself was spouting nonsense about getting a visa and coming to live over here for a couple of years.  We'd move to a little place in Great Yarmouth (he even looked up the dream property), get married and he'd pay to put me through the theatre school that my mum didn't approve of.  I was so depressed that I actually wanted to believe in it.  Mum warned me against it though, telling me that I "might not feel up to the great romance of the century that he was obviously planning"!  With hindsight, I have a feeling she was right.  It was the theatre course that I was really after (which makes me sound really materialistic and horrible)  But I don't think it was ever on the cards anyway!  She also decided to pick on the fact that I was "developing Irish dimples" - well, she knew how much I hated my Irish family so that was an unnecessary insult!

There was a new fox in town.  This one seemed to be a crazy young male who had come to seek out our resident female.  He spent the day jumping from shed roof to shed roof and twitching/turning around/rolling in the alley between our back garden and the railway.  He appeared to be a lot younger than our girl but I think the devil still intended to win her heart!

March 27th 2012

Another lovely sunny day wasted indoors.  But it was no fun going walking on my own and I was so self conscious about my thin hair that I even hated seeing its shadow in the sunshine!

We went to Grottsville that night to collect Mum's latest batch of eBay stuff and then to Brentford McDonalds for Creme Egg McFlurries.

While at McDonalds, two separate, very suspicious looking men came right up to the car and looked in at us but David just sat there with the door wide open and didn't even notice them as he was so engrossed in listening to the football on the radio!

I attempted to do some more clearing up but there was a limit to how much stuff could be hidden away under my bed.  I couldn't even get to the space at the head end due to my heavy desk being positioned in front of it (meaning I couldn't pull the drawers out).  Never mind, David suggested removing the drawers completely and just leaving a gaping hole underneath.  Uh...but then you'd be able to see all the mess under the bed anyway which would rather defeat the object, wouldn't it?!

I photographed a few more fakie MLPs and discovered that the Derpy Hooves-style baby I pictured on my blog a few days ago had a mother in my herd!

I know these things are cheaply made but seriously?  What child would want to play with that?  It's the stuff of nightmares!

I was really stressed out about my future but Mum accused me of making her ill if I said anything about it.  If anything was making her ill though, it was the stress of her bad knee.  And David wasn't exactly making things any better.  He decided to look up holidays with my 21st birthday in mind.  Oh, he found a nice £2000 one to Los Angeles or a cheap break in New York where Mum "could stay in the hotel while he took me out".  WTH?  Knowing Mum's the one who really wants to travel, why would he even suggest that?

March 28th 2012

I spent most of the day wrapping eBay parcels...until I ran out of brown paper, that is.  I hadn't sold a single item on David's account but I'd made up for it with mine at least.

The carpet beetle invasion continued.  I saw one on top of the box of urns containing all of our old pets' ashes.  This meant that I had to empty the box to check for further beetles.  A load of dust and dried glue fell of Dieselbelle's casket when I picked it up...the "lumpy dust" gave me a fright.  I thought her ashes were somehow escaping from the casket!

David had to go on a site visit in Essex and came home very late.  According to him, this was "due to the bloke in front driving like an old woman".  Anyway, this meant that my breath of fresh air for the day consisted of another trip to McDonalds for a Creme Egg McFlurry.  Mum wouldn't even come that far as it was too late for her.  I felt bad about leaving her at home and rushed my ice cream, making myself feel sick in the process.

Another reason for rushing was because she'd asked us to bring a packet of fries home with us.  When we got back, there was a car full of youngsters parked outside Woodberry which meant that we had to wait for them to move before we could park. I ran down the street with Mum's fries to try and get them to her a bit quicker but she still complained that they were cold!

I'm not sure why I was so worried about her anyway.  She'd spent her day nagging at me again, the most ridiculous complaint being that I'd "put dripping sticky apple juice in the rubbish bag".  It turned out to be an old sponge that she had put in the bag without wringing it out!  She also told me that I'd been "on at her all day about wanting to leave her".  All I'd actually said was that it was a shame that we couldn't go for a walk in the nice sunny weather!

March 29th 2012

Mum returned to the doctor about her bad knee which meant David dropping us in Grottsville early before he went to work.  This caused me to gulp my breakfast and give myself another stomach ache.

The doctor was useless again anyway.  He refused to send her for a scan as she was apparently "getting better". (Oh really?  I hadn't seen much improvement!)  He couldn't see anything wrong with the way she was walking.  Pardon?  Oh, but he'd said it would take 6-8 weeks to get better.  Actually he'd originally said just four weeks...

I stayed at the house in Grottsville while she was there to sing and photograph sales goods for eBay.

Grottsville itself was in its usual pitiful state.  One of the warehouses in the industrial estate behind the house had been totally burnt out by arsonists.  It had apparently taken over 50 firemen three and a half hours to put it out and they were still working on dampening it down when we got there.  Fifty people from the surrounding area had been evacuated.  Terrible place.

Our front garden there was in a right old state too.  Where did all that litter come from?  We've never had that trouble at Woodberry!

We stopped at one of the cheap shops in Greenford on the way back but couldn't get any brown paper.  Mum couldn't even walk down the little slope to get to the much for there being nothing wrong with her walking!  There was a cut price G4 MLP hot air balloon set in the shop but I didn't buy it.  My MLP collecting sickness seemed to finally be coming to an end.

David said that we didn't have time to go to any other shops in Greenford as he needed to get to work...then he spent over an hour in the bathroom before he went out anyway!

We went to Family Bargains when he came home that evening but there was no brown paper to be found there either.  I did get some of my favourite hard to find Weetaflakes cereal though!

It took ages to get home due to idiots panic buying petrol on the basis of a threatened upcoming fuel strike.  Why do the government always advise people to hoard petrol?  Greedy idiots always end up buying far more than they need and the people who need it the most can't get a look in.  It just causes more mayhem in the long run.

I had a horrible shock when I finally did get home, discovering that Mandie's chargeback had been reopened by eBay as she "had a valid case".  WTH?  She'd left positive feedback for me and everyone else and obviously received the items, then decided she wanted her money back and eBay were STILL trying to side with the crook?

March 30th 2012

The man was coming back to look at the boiler so I was awoken at 7am so that I could prepare to hide in the cupboard when he arrived!  As it happened, he didn't turn up until noon anyway.  Mum saw him and said he was "a nice young boy in his 20s  who liked dogs and had a staffie/doberman/rottweiler cross.  I'd have liked him."  I very much doubt it, mother.  I don't like any men and for good reason with my experience!

We wrapped more eBay parcels.  David managed to get some very expensive brown paper at South Ealing post office and shipped the parcels out on his way to work.

I was feeling very down and stressed about my future.  Looking back, I just needed somebody to pick me up and put me on the right track but it was so overwhelming to have no education and want to study a subject which wasn't considered "sensible" enough.  No wonder I wanted to flee to a country where I thought I knew that somebody was on my side.  There was a big argument about how all the money had gone on toys and possessions over the years instead of sorting out my life.  David said that Mum had always wanted to waste more money on toys for me than he had, she blamed him.  Well, either way, I pointed out that I was now having to sell the toys, mostly at a fraction of what had been wasted on them, to try and pay for my education.  But what education, for God's sake, Desirée?  You knew you wanted to study musical theatre, so why weren't you out at singing lessons and dance classes right at that moment?!

David got an offer of an interview for a job in Stevenage.  He asked Mum if she wanted to go with him and walk around while he had his interview.  God, talk about red rag to a bull!  He might have known her knee wasn't good enough to walk around anywhere and she went mad that he didn't think enough of her to realise that!

March 31st 2012

Another horrible day of arguments between my parents.  After a couple of hours of sitting quietly, I dared to ask David to wash up some of the dirty knives he'd left all over the kitchen countertop and got told to "shut up" as I was interrupting them.

Mum also had a go at me for "sniveling".  In truth, I was suffering from anxiety attacks and panicked sharp breathing from all their arguing, and also had bad dust allergies again.

I'd found a photograph of an old Edwin Hall dolphin coin operated ride at Herne Bay and really wanted to go and see it.  David was horrible.  How was he expected to feed and clothe me if he had to take a day off to go to Herne Bay?  Mum pointed out that I bought all of my own clothes anyway.  "Well, she hasn't historically!" David retorted.  Uh, and when did you last have to buy me any clothes, David?  I never had any new clothes from when I was 14 to when I was 19 and moved to Woodberry apart from a few scraps of underwear which I always bought for myself.  I don't think many 14 year olds do pay for their own clothes!

I wasn't the only expense in the house though.  Mum said she had a bad diet and mostly ate chocolate biscuits.  David said that "chocolate biscuits cost a lot of money" so she didn't have a bad diet!

They were arguing about the interest only mortgage at Grottsville.  I asked a genuine question about whether I would be able to sell it for enough to pay off the mortgage after they were gone.  Okay, maybe I was naive but the only way for me to learn was to ask questions.  Instead I was told to "shut up about things I didn't understand".  No wonder I never got anywhere in life.

Speaking of people who didn't understand, David told me that I should have got my O and A levels from my grandparents' neighbour (a primary school maths teacher who offered private tuition for struggling children at home).  Putting aside the fact that nobody wanted me to go to him because they didn't want people we knew "talking about us" and "discussing my abilities", how was a primary school teacher supposed to get me through A levels?!

David took me to McDonalds at the Iron Bridge that night - a longer drive than the one at Brentford as Mum didn't want me around.  The queue for the drive thru was out into the road so Mum got an extra long time without me when David had to drive to the branch at Greenford.  I had a medium fries and won a small packet of fries on the Monopoly game.  To be honest, I hated fries but there was no other chance of leaving the house.  I really hated my life but had no idea how to change it.

Why is it only with hindsight that we can see where we went wrong?  I so desperately want to go back in time and give myself a kick in the behind to DO something about it.  Reading the blog notes is actually really distressing, which is probably why I've let this get so far behind.  Perhaps I should just give up and skip a big chunk of it.  But that seems a shame too.

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

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