Saturday, 17 October 2015

Ebay Bargains, Childhood Artwork and Me Being An Annoying Wimp!

March 21st 2012

Much to my mum's disgust, I decided to wear a dress in a desperate attempt to make myself feel prettier following washing my hair the previous night.

David took me to West Ealing at lunch time to post the Ebay parcels and walk around the charity shops.  Then we went to Osterley Tesco in the quite late that night.  David slept on the floor for ages beforehand (which is how it got so late), then accused ME of keeping him waiting!

I still had a terrible headache but, strangely, it cleared whenever I left the house.  Either my allergies were returning in a bad way or it was just too stuffy indoors from having to leave the heating on all the time.

I was still stressing about my future and all my dead dreams.  I so desperately wanted to work in musical theatre but I had no idea how to take the first steps and my parents were anything but helpful.  All I knew to do was keep attempting to make bad recordings of myself singing, all the time enforcing bad habits and making myself even worse.

Oh well, my latest two parcels arrived and created yet another distraction from the things I should have been thinking about...

The first contained a set of three G3 bath bomb mystery ponies which Mum had offered to buy for me as an Easter gift.  The package very nearly didn't contain the ponies at all as both the envelope and the small piece of bubble wrap inside had torn open.

The purple pony was actually hanging out of the envelope like this when it arrived but somehow they all just made it!

The other parcel contained my bargain comics.  There were actually only 122 comics plus a MLP Movie Storybook as it turned out, but it was still well worth the money!

There were 24 issues included which I didn't have and loads of upgrades complete with their free gifts.  The rest could be sold off and more than pay for the price of the lot!

March 22nd 2012

David had the day off work.  I was feeling relatively okay about my hair for once so hoped to get to Ealing Broadway Primark and 99p Stores

Instead, he didn't get up until 2pm and then got angry that I wasn't standing to attention and ready to go out.  (I was photographing eBay sales goods while there was a bit of good daylight!)

We went to Grottsville to check the gas meter and pick up some more sales stuff.  My allergies were really bad and I sneezed.  David was quite arrogant and thought I was putting it on.  "Surely not already - you've only just got here!"  He started cleaning a box so I began going through another box...then suddenly he turned on me and accused me of keeping us there!  Well, how was I supposed to clear the house if I didn't take every opportunity that I had over there?

I think he was just in a bad mood because his redundancy letter had been delivered there.  He seemed genuinely shocked to have received it even though he knew he was going to be out of work soon.  Ever the optimist, I think he truly believed he wouldn't lose his job until he saw it in writing.

While I was over there, I uncovered this old clay ornament I must have made many moons ago.  Apparently, it's supposed to depict a scene from my MLP fanfiction series.  Don't ask!  I really should upload my old stories some time so that people can have a giggle.

The world seemed to be full of idiots on the drive back.  Or maybe I was just in a bad mood.  I certainly got depressed when we drove past the local college and university anyway.  But really, there were a load of boys on Haven Green throwing pebbles at each other.  That's not my idea of fun at the best of times but one hit our windscreen and could have easily cracked it.

Then a stupid woman in a mini skirt so short she may as well not have worn it began walking across the zebra crossing, all the while talking on her mobile phone.  She got halfway across and began to walk back.  She repeated this process three times, giving David a good show.  I don't think she had any idea where she was going herself really!

Mum was in a terrible mood when we finally got home and began the mindless nagging again. Meanwhile, everything I said to her was deemed to be "going on".  I should "get a pen and diary and stop talking to people on the internet now that my second cousin was on Facebook".  What if she found out that I had no education and hadn't even had a bed until I was almost 20 years old?  We'd be the talk of the entire family! Well, at least she admitted that my life wasn't normal then!

I pointed out that I only wrote things on the internet in a desperate attempt to find help with my life since the people closer to me didn't want to bother.  At least the people online were trying to help me with my education.  "People are helping you with your education? Who's going to pay for it?" she asked.  "If you were Emma, you would have been gone three years ago.  It's your time to go."  Well, Emma had educational opportunities and grandparents to move in with.  I didn't have any of those chances.  Believe me, I'd have loved nothing more than to have had somebody nice to move in with.  Maybe they'd have even helped me to sort out my life before it was too late.

Then she launched into a resentful rant about how she "gives all of her eBay money to me while I keep mine for myself".  I'm afraid I don't call insisting on paying for tickets to various places I don't want to go just so that you have company "spending it on me".  Why should I pay to go places I have no interest in just because she wants me to be there?  It's not like I had a regular income!

March 23rd 2012

David drove me to Sparkle Dental Boutique.  He came in with me and made me feel really awkward.  It didn't help anyway as they still interrogated me about my education, they just accused me of looking at them in a strange way!

I had to have even thicker wires fitted and start wearing the elastics again.  It was agonising and the stupid orthodontist forced the wire all the way in before having to remove it again to clip it to the right length!

She said it would be done in three or four more sessions.  Good, I thought, then I can make plans to go to Canada.  Ha ha, Desirée, if only you'd known...maybe you'd have tried harder to make a life for yourself here...

This is the vlog from the day.  I can't even bear to watch it now as it would just be too depressing, but I'm sure it gives far more detail from the time than I remember now!

David did nothing else with his morning off and instead sat in the bathroom until it was time to go to work.

We went to McDonalds that night for Creme Egg McFlurries.  My teeth were in terrible pain and the ice cream was soothing.  (Yes, brace pain is nothing like regular toothache!)  I had to make the decision to stop wearing the elastics for the weekend again in order to allow the rest of the pain to settle down a little.

It was another eBay free listing event.  Mum's and David's accounts were both at their selling limits so they couldn't list any more.  Mum was annoyed that I was still able to list...well, it was only because I'd been selling for a longer period of time.  Perhaps she should have thought about getting an account before now!

March 24th 2012

I spent the day on eBay listing (mostly the duplicate comics from the bargain lot).

My teeth were in agony and I was horrified to see that big gaps were opening between the lower front teeth again.  Oh well, at least I got taken to McDonalds for another soothing Creme Egg McFlurry!  Then we went to Grottsville to collect some more eBay stuff.  I emptied my childhood Plamobil into a smaller crate, but was disappointed to realise that the original crate would be too large to fit underneath my bed anyway.

Tara Strong posted some weird thing on her Twitter account about "trolling Twilight".  I think she was revelling in the attention and trying to encourage the hate mailing bronies in her own way.

Two strange people came to the door at Woodberry and stood outside for a long time.  Then they returned at 8.30 that evening.  God knows who they were...they seemed a bit persistent for sellers or charity workers.  But they never came back on a later date.

March 25th 2012

My eldest nephew and two eldest nieces were involved in a car accident with their grandparents (brother-in-law's parents).  Luckily, they weren't badly injured but did have whiplash and had to go to the hospital to be checked over.  Horrifyingly, my sister didn't even go to see them there and instead took their two younger siblings to buy ice cream!  I always said she preferred the younger ones, but I think I'd be desperate to go and see any child of mine who'd been in an accident as soon as possible.

I didn't leave the house all day.  David went to Grottsville to sort through his papers tonight.

My parents hung some pictures on the wall while I listed some more stuff on eBay and tried desperately to cram more of my MLP merchandise collection under my bed.  And that was pretty much the extent of my day.

I was horribly depressed about my non-existent future but seemed incapable of doing anything about it for myself and had nobody to guide me.

Mum was worried about her leg and kept snapping at me as a result.

"If I wanted a sponsor in Canada who's 100 years older than me, he'd have retired long before I got my pension.  Maybe I intended to leave him but I wouldn't do that because of the opinions of my Facebook friends.  A theatre course wouldn't qualify me to do anything anyway."  Maybe if she'd been more supportive of my theatre dreams, I wouldn't have been so desperate to flee to somebody who I now see was filling me with lies about a course in a foreign country.  God, looking back, everything is so much clearer.  WHY didn't I do anything to follow my dreams back then?  WHY was it so hard to just stand up for myself?

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

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