Monday, 19 October 2015

Mum Sets Up A Little Test and Other Stories...

April 11th 2012

I finally dared to wash my hair and lost such a lot that I could really feel the difference.  It was horrible.

I still forced myself to go to West Ealing with David though.  He needed to transfer some money at the bank.  When he handed his documents over, the cashier began laughing hysterically for no reason whatsoever.  Are we really that funny?

I didn't find anything in the charity shops (the Salvation Army was actually closed by the time we got there) and got upset when a group of common young people kept staring at me.  Mum said it was because I was wearing my "silly pretty little dress" but I don't think dresses are so uncommon in the outside world!

David and I got some Easter eggs in Sainsburys.  Mum said she didn't want one, then got upset that she didn't have one and felt "pushed aside"!

David embarrassed me by asking if I needed sanitary towels as he "hadn't bought any for me for a long time".  Well, that was the first thing that I started buying for myself as soon as I had the freedom to go shopping alone.  Who wants their father to know what brand you use?!  I was a little concerned that he hadn't noticed he'd stopped buying them sooner than this though.  No wonder he thought I was such a huge expense to keep!

We went to Ironbridge McDonalds in the evening, but I didn't eat anything there as I felt too fat.  Still nice to have a little drive and a breath of fresh air though!

I wasn't feeling very well at all and wasn't sure how much of it was stress and how much was something more concerning.  David advised me to join a gym - way to boost my confidence about my weight!  I kept going dizzy and didn't feel up to cleaning or clearing the house up.  Meanwhile, the clutter was getting more and more out of hand.

At least I managed to get my tail-less Fairy Tail Birds washed and ready to sell anyway.


Ironically, the Fuzzy Tummy was the only one who might have still been worth something in her poor condition and she was the only one I didn't already have in my collection and intended on keeping!


April 12th 2012

I was very stressed about my future.  Mum had suggested I enrol on an Access Course as the quickest way to university but I couldn't find much about them online.  Of course, the first thing I typed in was "access course theatre" and I found a lovely performing arts access course...but it was on the other side of London and had been discontinued the previous year!

Trying to discuss anything with Mum was a lost cause.  By talking I was "stopping her doing anything.  She got far more done before I got up."  She went to bed early again, leaving me by my lonely self.  "Well, look at the company I've got - you're the one who's forced me to bed by 9pm again!"

I walked to the South Ealing charity shops on my own. I saw some I Love Ponies and a Grand Champion foal in one of the shops but left them there because they were too expensive.  I also went to Sainsburys in search of a cheap Easter egg for Mum but had no luck.

Mum complained that I was "very fast" when I got back after just 23 minutes.  I should "stop all this nonsense that anybody wanted to keep me here".  She didn't want me home again at all!

David took me to Grottsville in the evening to collect one of Mum's eBay books.  He was bad tempered and turned the air conditioner onto its lowest temperature and highest setting so I was freezing by the time I got there and couldn't think straight to collect anything else.  I think he was cross that I'd gone with him at all (he'd tried to escape without me but Mum had called him back).  Basically neither of them wanted me around!

The company who'd interviewed him in Stevenage sent him a sixteen page psychological test which he had to answer.  He was "bored by page six so it was probably rubbish"...well, that's a great attitude to take when you're trying to get a new job!

Again, I got very little done.  A little cleaning and hoovering in the bathroom but even that knocked me out.

April 13th 2012

I woke up determined to turn over a new leaf and get as much done as I possibly could.  It didn't work though.  I didn't stop all day and still hardly got anything done.  I updated my pony collection lists, sorted out my eBay accounts and washed all of the ponies that I'd bought so far that year.  But where was any of that going to get me in the long run?

I went to Osterley Tesco and got a packet of tights which David made a point of paying for. However, determined that he wouldn't be able to say that he clothed me, I left the money for them on the kitchen countertop which he happily picked up and put in his pocket!

I met a lovely cat who was running around in the street when we got back to Woodberry.  She followed me into the front garden and kept jumping onto the wall and asking for attention.  It made me realise just how much I miss having pets around.

She would have followed us right into the house so I had to rush in and quickly close the door behind me!  Then Mum complained that I had woken her up.  How was I to know that she would already be asleep at 8.30pm?  Well, I should have known that she "hates her life so much that she couldn't even wait for it to get dark now".  She's "always cold and wants to be under her blanket".

Her friend Jill sent me a Lily Lightly she'd found at a local car boot sale.  Strangely I don't seem to have taken a picture of her...

Ebay were offering yet another free listing weekend.  I wasn't really sure what to do about it as anything I listed would end while we were in Yorkshire...  Then again, how could I waste all those free listings?  And there was still the chance that Mum would carry through with her threats and not go to Yorkshire at all anyway.

April 14th 2012

Another horrible day.  Mum was in a foul mood and nagged at me from the moment she got up.  Anything I tried to say in my defense was turned against me.  It was "unfair that she had to sit in the same room as me moaning when he knee hurt so much".  She "wanted to go home to Grottsville" and "wished that she was dead".

As a result of her moaning and me crying all day, we ended up with no dinner.  At 10am, when she was asleep and my tears finally started to dry, I just started to get hungry.  What could I eat at that time of night?  (I ended up having spaghetti on toast at midnight as it happened)  Maybe that was why I was ill.

While researching coin operated rides online, I discovered that Robin Mitchell Jnr. (the son of the founder of RG Mitchell) had passed away a month previously.  Mum screamed at me about that too, saying that I should have attempted to get in touch with him in case he had any information or photographs to offer for the website.  Well, I'd only really just started putting the website together!  How could I start contacting people about it at this stage?

I had just started to paint the ceramic Rainbow Dash from my Paint Your Own Ponies kit when David asked me to go to Grottsville with him.  Hence, I threw away the expensive paint that I had just mixed up.  Then he went in the bathroom for ages anyway (so I could have finished what I was doing!), all the time complaining that I had "stopped him going to work"...who he had officially left the previous day!

We did eventually go to Grottsville and pick up a couple of Mum's eBay items.  One of them was a book she'd just sold.  She noticed that she'd made a potential error in her listing, saying that it was a first edition when it may have actually been a reprint.  She got angry with ME for not noticing her error.  Well, why didn't she notice it?!

I was still desperately trying to research Access Courses but couldn't understand the websites, having no experience of schools or colleges.  Of course, nobody was prepared to help me or give a second opinion.  Mum seemed annoyed that I was trying to do something for myself at long last even though she was the one who'd suggested it in the first place!  Looking back, I couldn't win even if I followed her "sensible" advice...so why the heck didn't I just do what I wanted to do and study musical theatre?

And for my last paragraph of the day, I will give far too much information and make you all (especially the boys) feel sick!  On top of all my other allergies and health issues, I was concerned that I hadn't had a period for eight weeks.  Well, being Miss Prim, Proper and Perfect, it couldn't be for the reason that most young women fear.  Usually I was relatively regular so what had suddenly sent my pattern out?  I kept getting pains down there too...

April 15th 2012

An even worse day than the previous one.  Mum told David and I that we could go to West Wycombe without her.  (Why do I never learn?)  As soon as we got ready to go, she went mad, screaming that it had all been a "test to see if All Saints was a one off".  And now she really wouldn't go to Yorkshire!

This in turn sent me off the edge and I went on a mad rampage screaming about all my stress and woe - education, emigration etc. - and turning chairs over to try and get a response out of her.  She pretended to be asleep until David shook her, hurting her arm.  It's no wonder I'm half insane though, is it?!

In the end, I just went for a walk to Northfields Avenue and Lammas Park on my own.  It started to rain but I got back just in time.  When I arrived, the holiday brochures were back in the garden with the rubbish.  For God's sake, Mum...

When I got back, I set to getting the dinner.  Mum said she didn't want any.  Then. when I had my food on the table, she made a big deal of going to bed (7pm!) and moaning at me all through it, saying how much she "resented me for eating as she can't get anything for herself".  Well, I had offered to get her something as well!

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

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