Tuesday, 5 January 2016

Birthday Cards and Shopping Sprees!

June 11th 2012

Mum went to Ealing Hospital to have her tests at long last.  Mum was amused that the Indian man who carried out the tests was called Shane (because apparently Indians can't have Western names?!  Seriously?)  She was not so amused that he gave her the ECG results in a sealed envelope which must mean that she was dying.  Uh...but did the actual result say that you were dying?  No?  Then what are you worried about?

David went to Ealing while she was having the tests and was annoyed that she was finished so quickly.  It must be nice to have such a supportive husband who is more concerned about you being an inconvenience than he is about what your test results say.

We all went to Hobbycraft afterwards in search of a picture frame with multiple apertures.  We had no luck as apparently these kinds of frames were out of fashion now.  That didn't stop David making us walk around three times (even though we'd already looked at the picture frame section and seen there was nothing we wanted).  It turned out that he was looking for aperture cards, fully believing that was what Mum wanted!

Then we went to Grottsville to photograph the desk to sell.  David had done nothing to prepare it - it still had piles of stuff on top of it and one handle was missing...he didn't know where it was!  I don't know what he'd been doing over there at all really.  Even the bedroom he was supposed to have been clearing was still full of bags containing his unsavoury publications.  Welcome to my world, readers.  THIS is what my father made every room look like when I was a child, and why I didn't have so much as a bed until I was almost 20 years old.


No wonder I grew up to be such a strange person really, is it?!

We had a vegetarian cottage pie while we were there and I put a children's TV channel on to see if I could catch any MLP adverts on video.  I did manage to get two - both for the Friendship Express.  Meanwhile, my parents both laughed raucously at Mr Bean.  Little things please little minds and all that jazz?

I also photographed my MLP chocolate collection with a view to selling off as much as I could find homes for.


A hoarder?  Moi?  No way!  I only had one other crate full of this stuff!

It's sad really.  I can see now that I obsessively collected MLP stuff as a substitute for the life I wanted, socialising and taking theatre classes.  It made me feel like I had a handle on something on my life and could achieve a goal by having every item that depicted a brightly coloured horse.  But it never really made me happy as such.  And it's not even like I can make the money back and spend it on the lessons I wanted (too late to achieve my dream of being a professional performer anyway probably) because who but me would buy an out of date birthday cake with a marzipan pony on top of it?!

David was in a horrible mood, talking about selling Grottsville to bully Mum into giving him money to renovate it.  As for me, I'd had no drink since before dinner the previous day as my Volvic bottle had developed fungus inside it and I didn't even own so much as a mug or cup.  David had got me some Alpro Soya Milk in a carton.  I was so dizzy from dehydration that I couldn't think straight so he screamed at me when I asked where he'd put it.  "It's in the bl**dy fridge, of course!  Where else do you think it would be?"

I was contacted by yet another cheeky eBayer who wanted to buy a £5 item for $6 (about £3) including shipping.  I wouldn't even be able to ship it to the USA for $6!

In the evening, I sat down and drew a birthday card for Shane (not the ECG man!)  It was nice to take the time out to actually do some painting.  I think I probably could improve with practise.


June 12th 2012

Mum had to go for yet more tests including a knee scan, this time at Edgware Hospital.  She had to be pulled part way out of the "oven" as she called it because she was so claustrophobic!  Hopefully they still managed to get a clear scan.

Today's idiot was not Indian nor was he called Shane.  (Actually his nationality and name were apparently not worthy of note as Mum never mentioned them!)  Anyway, he told her not to walk down the stairs backwards as it was dangerous.  Well, she had a bad knee and couldn't walk downstairs any other way.  What was she supposed to do?  Not go for the scan now that she'd finally found a doctor who'd taken her seriously enough to send her for one?

David and I walked around the local shops while she was having the tests done.

I found a couple of new rides to photograph...


...got G4 colouring books and headphones in Poundland...


...and found this funny little My Lovely Horse fakie in Oxfam for 99p!


We stopped at Home Bargains and Family Bargains on the way back but didn't find anything we wanted.  We were meant to be going to Brent Cross and Grottsville too but Mum got tired and decided not to go after all.  So David and I just went to Ealing Broadway...where I bought even more stuff.  Crikey, I had enough money back then, didn't I?!

I got this dress for a fiver...


...and got a new Love Your Body card at The Body Shop (which meant I got a free lotion).  I also got a Love etc. Gift Pack reduced from £25.00 to £13.50 (which included my favourite £18.00 perfume!)


I fell in love with their summer range too but couldn't afford any more.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to shop in there any more anyway.  The stupid woman behind the counter moaned loudly to another member of staff (while she was serving us!) that she "felt sick" and "was going to the toilet in a minute".  She then gave me a Love Your Body card to sign...then announced that she still had my card behind the counter, and acted as if it was my fault for signing the wrong one!

We popped in the library on the way back to the car park.  David borrowed four books but laughed out loud when I picked one up.  Well, why had he let me get a library card if he was going to put me off of reading anything anyway?

June 13th 2012

David wasted the day in the bathroom and didn't even come downstairs until 1pm.  Mum was cross with him as ever and I snapped something during breakfast about how he was always upstairs and listening in whenever I wanted to speak to somebody on Skype.  Apparently I wasn't allowed to say anything against him eavesdropping though as he "kept me".  Well, maybe he wouldn't have to keep me if I'd been provided with a basic education like any normal person.

We went to Grottsville where I had to photograph some teacups on the filthy kitchen countertop.  Mum would never be able to sell them on eBay with such a horrible background!  I tried to clean up my old Sylvanian Families with a view to selling them but just made myself ill with allergies due to the sheer quantity of dust.

Mum picked up a lampshade she had intended to sell but deemed it too bad to list as it was covered in "earwax glue"!  (Discoloued glue along the seams)  David went to throw it away but I couldn't bear to see it go to the tip so I put my hand out and saved it.  I had no idea what to do with it, but it was just too pretty to get rid of like that.

Mum found another stash of unsavoury publications which David had obviously filed away to keep.  I went mad, tore them up and screamed at him for ruining my life and turning me into the man-loathing freak I am today.  He retaliated that I was "a b***h who shouldn't be in his house".  Well, it's a shame he didn't feel that way when he was messing up my childhood.

The family next door were playing AWFUL music (no idea what music as it was in a foreign language that I didn't recognise) at a ridiculous volume.  I turned the TV up as loud as it would go to try and at least make them aware of how they were making us suffer but their music just drowned it out!  Were they deaf?!
We stopped at Brentford for fries and Twix McFlurries on the way home.  The hire car was to be returned that evening so we thought we may as well make the best of it.


I was having terrible panic attacks about college.  They still hadn't rung me back so I was worrying about missing the last date to apply.  On the other hand, I almost hoped that they wouldn't call me as I knew this would be the nail in the coffin of my theatre dreams if I got stuck in university studying something else until I was 25...and getting into debt...  I'd stressed so much that I'd given myself toothache by grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw.

On the coin operated ride research front, I'd found out that there was a 1960s BRH Fibreglass dolphin still in operation in St Osyth.  Another place to add to my "ride spotting list"!

June 14th 2012

Mum walked around the block with me.  She ranted the whole way about her swollen ankles and how I'd "forced her to go" and now the "skin on her feet had broken".  She was "worse than last time".  Well, she would be if she refused to go anywhere as her legs would obviously seize up.  I hadn't forced her to go anyway.  I'd simply asked if she wanted to come with me or not!

Once I'd dropped her back at Woodberry, I power walked to Northfields Library (which was even more boring and book-less than Ealing Library!) and back around the block on my own.

I was still badly stressed about the idea of college and being trapped doing something I didn't want to do until I was 25.  Mum just said that I "shouldn't throw my life away for anyone" (meaning take a pointless theatre course which she seemed to be convinced my friend in Canada had persuaded me to take...)  When I tried to explain my predicament and ask her advice, she replied, "Don't you dare feel sorry for yourself when I'm dead, because you'll have caused it!"

There was a stain on her bedroom carpet which she blamed me for even though I hadn't been in that room.  Personally I think David had walked in there wearing muddy shoes, but why should she believe me?

I sold 47 items on eBay including six MIB Ponies which were still in Grottsville.  How on Earth would David manage to transport those safely on public transport?

June 15th 2012

Another dreadful day of panic attacks.  David rang the college...they'd lost my records (surprise, surprise) and rang me back to make an appointment for the following Tuesday at noon.

I hate talking on the phone in front of anyone and panicked when I had nowhere private to go.  I ended up running into the front garden in just my socks, then I couldn't hear what they were saying due to noisy passing traffic.  So I had to come back indoors and run up two flights of stairs (as David was on the 1st floor) with him yelling at me all the way how "pathetic" I was.

Mum was in a foul mood all day long again.  I "shouldn't have ever wanted to do a theatre course, or go to a country I've never been to, or meet someone I'd never met".  "Theatre wasn't real education anyway".  She'd "rather I did nothing than a theatre course".  Well, personally I'd rather do nothing than one of these Access Courses.  I hated the idea of nursing or teaching and I knew I'd never get onto a business course due to nobody ever teaching me any maths when I was younger.

I was worrying about my health too as I hadn't had my period for almost two months and was in a lot of pain with cramps etc.  Well, at least I knew it couldn't be the obvious reason for not having a period!  Another good thing about having no men in your life!

I cried so much over all my stress that I gave myself a headache and kept going dizzy.  I fell over as I tried to sit down and managed to cut the back of my heel open on the chair.

David and I walked to South Ealing Post Office to ship Mum's latest eBay items (cigarette lighters that used to belong to her aunt) and had even more trouble with them.  "Are you selling off your old things?"  David said that we were and the bloke behind the desk looked very suspicious.  He then refused to give us a proof of posting again saying that we "didn't need a proof of posting from him as we already knew the address"!  Uh...I don't think he quite understood the purpose of proof of posting!

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

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