Friday, 8 January 2016

Curtains, Teeth and Cheerful Doctors

June 21st 2012

David and I walked to the curtain shop with the horse fabric which had been chosen for the bathroom.  It was going to cost £120 to get the curtains made, and Mum had decided she hated the fabric anyway as it was "too green".

David was being horrible to me, nagging and nagging that I should have found myself a school and gone there on the bus when I was 12.  Uh...I was so sheltered that I didn't even know that I was the right age to go to secondary school, let alone where to find a school.

We sent off for my provisional driving license.  Well, at least that was something positive.  The rest of the day went on stressing about college again.  I couldn't stand the idea of having no free time to even do so much as a bit of eBay selling, especially when I didn't even have any interest in the course in question.  How on Earth would I get through it, knowing all the time that I was getting too old to follow my own dreams?

June 22nd 2012

Yet another appointment at Sparkle Dental Boutique.  The incompetent orthodontist began quizzing me about my education again so I told her I was going to do a college course to shut her up.  Then she went on and on about college so much that she forgot to close the front gates.  My teeth weren't in too much pain afterwards (well, of course they weren't - they weren't even properly secured!) but my lip was torn to bits on the sharp open gates.

She announced that she had to correct the lower front teeth and the bite on the left hand side again.  When would it end?


David painted over the latest lot of swear words that Mum had written on the wall.  He made a mess of it and blamed her.  She said that the wall was greasy before she even touched it.  "I'll give ya a paintbrush if ya like!" David retorted.  That put an end to the argument!

I was in a terrible state about college.  I just didn't want to go and waste four or five years of my life and God knows how much money on something that wasn't leading anywhere.  Mum had drained every dream out of me though.  I just felt dead and couldn't stop crying.

I was up until 4am tossing and turning with the stress of it all.  It didn't help that somebody was having a loud party on the other side of the railway and I kept hearing bursts of music and loud drunken voices shouting at each other every time I did finally drift off to sleep!

June 23rd 2012

A man came to look at the walls and give us an estimate for putting up some shelves etc.  I didn't like him.  He couldn't see anything wrong with Sickton's work and was very bossy, telling us what he wanted to do with our house.

David and I went back to the picture framing shop to collect the framed certificate.  David managed to embarrass us again.  He stuck himself in the window with his bottom in the air while he scrutinised the framed picture and blocked me from getting into the little shop, stood in the way of the shop assistant and finally stepped back into a printer, almost breaking it in the process!

We got some Magnum ice lollies in the Co-Op on our way back.  I wished they did full packets of milk chocolate ones in the mini size there.  As it was, I ended up sitting on the floor to eat mine anyway as David hogged the table and both chairs to look at the computer!

I ripped up my college application form.  Yes, I knew I'd have to go through with it and tearing up an application form wasn't going to make any difference (I could always get another), but gosh, it made me feel better.  I didn't want to study business, I actually wished Mum had never raised Access Courses now.  Why didn't I just stand up for myself and find out what I needed to do to study musical theatre?  Oh, because I still thought I'd go and do a course in Canada when the braces came off...which would be "soon".  Right, Sparkle Dental Boutique?

Speaking of braces, my back teeth were killing me.  David was rudely whispering to Mum behind the wall that I should have checked the gates before I left the orthodontist.  (As if I really couldn't hear him!)  Well, I was rather preoccupied with her bullying me about college.  And anyway, shouldn't a qualified orthodontist remember something as simple as closing the gates on each bracket?

I was still sorting through ponies and trying desperately to find ones that I didn't mind selling too much.  I found a carpet beetle in one of the boxes.  Oh no.  I hoped that didn't mean that they were going to take over at Woodberry like they had at Grottsville.

June 24th 2012

David didn't come to Woodberry all day.  He rang up to say that he was "coming in a minute".  Mum snapped at him that there "wasn't much point now".  "Okay, I won't!" David said.  Any excuse to stay with his clutter in Grottsville for an extra day!

Mum and I walked around the block.  She was very slow  but wasn't as tired when we got back so her fitness levels must be improving.

I was still stressing about my education and wishing I'd pushed that horrible college adviser for more information on my options.  I just didn't want my parents to rule over my life decisions again.  If I had to do something "sensible" rather than the subject I really wanted to do, at least let it be something bearable rather than rotten old business studies!

One of my orthodontic elastics broke during dinner and I couldn't find it.  I ended up having to spit out and throw away a mouth full of food so as not to swallow it.  Mum made some unnecessary joke about how I "couldn't go for a candlelit dinner"...totally unkind when I was so desperate to get the braces removed, I think.

Peter the squirrel tried to get through my bedroom window.  He was very sweet, but I didn't want him inside the house!

June 25th 2012

I overslept (I was tossing and turning until 4am again though, so it wasn't really surprising) and then walked to South Ealing Sainsburys for bread and milk before breakfast.  I ran into a horrible dustman on my way there who wolf whistled at me.  God, I hated these common men.

I walked to the doctor with Mum later that day.  They were 40 minutes late seeing her and it was awful sitting in the waiting room, realising that we could hear every word that was said between the doctors and their patients!  There was no privacy to be had at that surgery!

When she finally did get seen, she was told that her knee scan results were not back yet anyway.  As for her heart, she had a ST sinus rhythm.  It wasn't serious, but it was good to get it checked out. Mum asked if she was likely to have a heart attack on the way home one day and this doctor launched into the same cheerful stuff as the last one.  "Well, you never know.  We all have to die sometime!"

A woman came from the curtain shop to measure the windows.  I felt humiliated by the dirt and mess.

And so went another five days of my early 20s.  Gosh, this is so sad to read through.  What a waste.

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

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