Friday, 8 January 2016

The Theatrical Politician and the Friendly Squirrel

June 16th 2012

I woke up at 7.45am but didn't like to show my face downstairs until I was called (9am) so quietly got dressed and then went back to bed!  What a sad way to live.

When I did get up, I found that I had a terrible headache and toothache (most likely caused by the braces), but a painkiller took the worst of it off.

I'd ordered two dresses for myself (a real novelty as I never normally treated myself to any nice clothes) and was excited about them arriving which was probably the only reason I even woke up that "early".  They didn't arrive anyway, much to my disappointment.

My day was spent on the exciting task of wrapping eBay parcels again.  It was another free listing weekend too so the eBay job never really ended.  Then again, if I didn't have that little bit of income, I guess I wouldn't have been able to treat myself to nice things like dresses.

I walked with David to the bus stop when he went off to Grottsville, then walked back around the block on my own.  Not a nice experience.  I ran into a nasty drunk man around the corner from us who shouted at me...so I RAN in the opposite direction all the way down a long road until I reached the main road.  Then I ran into two nasty youths peeing in the bushes at the other end of our road!  It was very windy and raining hard which didn't make the atmosphere any better.  I was terrified and Mum used all of this as ammunition as to why I shouldn't go out on my own, of course.

In my idle-minded, stressed to death state, I decided to do my old trick and write some new lyrics to a favourite song in the evening.  Mum seemed determined that I should study business at college and become an accountant, giving up my acting dreams in the process.  May I present "I Wanna Be a Voice Actress", to the tune of this little ditty from The Producers...


"Unhappy, unhappy, very unhappy
Unhappy, unhappy
Very, very, very, very, very, very, very unhappy!
Unhappy, unhappy
Very, very, very, very, very, very, very unhappy...


I spend my life accounting,
With figures and such.
To what is my life amounting?
It figures, not much.


I have a secret desire
Hiding deep in my soul.
It sets my heart afire
To see me in this role.


I wanna be a voice actress,
In Vancouver with the best.
I wanna be a voice actress,
The voice that stands out from the rest.


I wanna be a voice actress
Work at Koko Studios
I wanna be a voice actress
Living in one of those Yaletown condos.


I wanna be a voice actress.
It would make all my dreams come true,
If just one time a casting director,
Would say, "You, you, you!"  "Me?"  "Yes, YOU!"


I wanna be a voice actress,
Dub in every anime.
I wanna be a voice actress
And join the walla in prelay.

(*Gibberish spoken during crowd scenes*)


She wants to be a voice actress,
Be harassed by rabid fans.
She wants to be a voice actress,
She'll by groceries when she can!


She wants to be a voice actress,
Make strange noises just like these (*insert sound effects here*)
She wants to be a voice actress,
With an audience she can't please!

(*Moaning anime fans on how they'd rather hear Tara Strong or another name in their favourite show than the pure TALENT of Desirée Skylark! :P )


I wanna be... (She wants to be!)
I wanna be... (She wants to be!)
I wanna be the greatest, grandest
And most fabulous voice actress in the world!
(With incorrect credits on IMDB)
I've just got to be a voice actress,
With a rumour-filled Wiki!
(They say her income's crazy!)



I wanna be a voice actress
Show the world just what I've got
I'm be a robot or a dog,
A child or pony,
But in my heart I'll be one thing only!


I wanna be a voice actress...
'Cause it's everything I'm not.


Unhappy, unhappy
I wanna be a voice actress...
Very, very unhappy, unhappy
Wait a minute, wait a minute!  Hold everything, hold everything!

My friends were right;
There is a lot more to me than there is to...well, me.
Stop the world! I wanna get on!


I'm gonna be a voice actress!
(She's gonna be a voice actress!)
Look out Vancouver 'cause here I come!"

Yes, it was sheer nonsense and childish fun, but it certainly helped to calm me down.  If only I'd actually taken action and done something towards my dreams instead of writing silly songs about them.

June 17th 2012

Mum and I walked to the Co-Op and Sainsburys to buy bread, Magnum ice lollies and sanitary towels.  And so the mundane life continued!

Mum walked a lot better than she had been doing but got very tired.  She then accused me of "making her worse by making her walk around the block".  She fell asleep for a couple of hours that evening.  I accidentally woke her up when I went upstairs to the bathroom and she said that I "really was a b*tch who was out to finish her off"!

She was terribly unhappy in herself and determined to make everyone else suffer.  She kept picking fights and standing in the way of my dreams, making up obstacles and reasons why I shouldn't follow them.  If I tried to defend myself, she'd tell me off for "starting on again".  Uh...but YOU were the one who "started on", I was just retaliating to your hurtful remarks!

I listed a load of stuff for her on eBay.  All of my stuff was in Grottsville, of course, so I just ended up listing old stuff and a few new bits of cheap rubbish that I did have to hand.

David spent the whole day at Grottsville and didn't even bother to keep in touch.  Maybe that was another cause of Mum's bad temper but I could do without it, especially as I was feeling quite tired and ill myself.  I wished I had somewhere to go like he did!

June 18th 2012


I woke up at 5am (just two hours after finally getting to sleep), eagerly awaiting my dresses.  When I saw the time, I put my pyjamas on again and went back to bed!

The next thing I knew Mum was yelling at me to see if I was awake and I had a vague recollection of her calling me earlier and me telling her to shut up!  Mind you, she deserved it.  She made me cry all through breakfast again, just because I dared to raise my musical theatre dream again.  I "should throw my computer away as it put me in a bad mood and gave me silly ideas when I should be concentrating on getting a sensible degree".  Looking back, I'm so mad at myself.  Why didn't I just do what I wanted to do and ignore her comments?!

My two dresses arrived which cheered me up a little, although her nastiness even put a damper on that.  They looked so pretty though, even in their little tissue paper packets.



I was scared of my college meeting the following day.  I had no idea what to say and didn't want the finality of being stuck on a course I had no interest in taking for four or five years.

My self confidence had plummeted again too.  I felt very fat and had no idea how to lose weight.  I had a very short walk around the block with David but that wasn't going to help me to shift the pounds.  A combination of those terrifying drunks of a couple of days previously and Mum's constant ranting about how I couldn't cope when I went out on my own had made me too nervous to try going to the gym again though.

I'd listed a TY Beanie Baby Seamore the Seal with 2nd generation hangtag on eBay the previous day and it was attracting a lot of attention.  Somebody asked if I would sell it to them directly for £35.  Mum made me take the auction down as it "was obviously worth a lot more than that"...but I couldn't find anything about Seamore online at all.

June 19th 2012

The day of the dreaded college interview.  David walked with me through Walpole Park but was absolutely no use to me.  Neither he nor Mum had spoken to me about it beforehand...well, apart from Mum trying to guilt me into taking business studies and work towards becoming an accountant or a lawyer!  And when we got there, David's phone kept ringing - first an employment agency, then Laura Ashley about the leaking paint can.  So nothing got discussed before I was ushered into a tiny little room with a horrible woman named Anne-Marie.  An intern sat in with her taking notes, and even she had more idea about the college courses than the supposed adviser who was looking at a copy of their 2010 leaflet!  (Not that it would have made much difference - I'd briefly looked through the 2012 leaflet in the foyer and it was full of inaccuracies!)

She did confirm that an Access Course would be free for me as I had taken no former qualifications and was under 24.  I may also be able to apply for funding towards travel expenses as the course took place at the Hammersmith campus, and not at Ealing at all.

I raised the theatre dream and the cow burst our LAUGHING.  Really laughing, rocking backward and forwards in her chair... "What?  You're serious!  You want to do that professionally?!"  She then started wheezing again.  "Go to the Questor's Theatre, honey.  I think they do amateur dramatics!  We're here to talk about your education!"  But...Ealing College do have a musical theatre course!  Maybe I was already too old for it.  I don't know.  But her rudeness put me off of that college for life, even if I'd had any interest in their stupid courses.  The intern was actually very polite to me and tried to suggest things that could lead to a career in theatre, but Anne-Marie shut her up and opened a web page about their nursing Access Course.

"THIS is what we suggest for people in your situation!" she stated.  I'd lost my nerve by this point.  "Um...well, I was actually thinking about the business Access Course..." I stammered.  "Ugh, business studies!" Anne-Marie spat.  "That's what they all do now.  It seems like you already know what you want then, so why are you here?"  I kid you not.  That was what my friendly adviser said to me.  I'm pleased to say she apparently lost her job shortly afterwards.  Maybe she should have re-trained as a nurse... I hope she'd show some more compassion in that job!

By the time I got home, Mum had sent this little gem to her e-friends and my sister.

"Well she is keeping very quiet - and doesnt want me to tell anyone anything yet while she 'thinks about it'

So I havent told you anything, okay?!

Apparently the college gave her some kind of written test in English and Maths, which she passed with flying colours (top marks to me for home educating her so well!)

They said she is well over the required standard for GCSE's at A grade (I could have told THEM that)

They have offered her a place on a one year access course starting in September.  It would be full time, and it would bypass the need for 'A' levels.

the good news is that the course would be FREE because she is under 23.   The bad news is that it would be at Hammersmith College which would require a daily tube journey and she wouldnt get any help with the train fares.   She also couldnt claim any kind of benefits as it would be a full time course, meaning she wouldnt be 'available for work'

So SOMEONE would have to keep her........and pay her train fares.

 Hmmm.....David will not like that idea one bit, will he.  (He wants her to get a JOB)

So she is dreading telling David - and dreading telling Shane aswell, as HE is obviously hoping there will NOT be anything  available to keep her in this country.........

If she were to do this course though - and pass - she would be qualified to go to full time university next September for three years, (studying either maths - business studies - politics or law.)

Is she happy?  No she is not because she is scared of telling David and Shane.    She is moaning that this should all have been done years ago and she would have already graduated by now.

She is right - but you cant turn clocks back can you, you have to take it from where you are now

I have to give her time to think about it - I must not push her or knowing her, she will jump the other way

Please dont mention this to her, lets just hope she decides to go for it   xxx
"

Oh yes, because she's the caring mother.  Not a word about how I didn't want to waste my life on something that didn't interest me while I grew too old to do musical theatre.  Just oh, she doesn't want to be held away from this weirdo in Canada for four years and oh, let's hope she decides to do this and shuts up.  And hang on a moment, "TOP MARKS TO ME FOR HOME EDUCATING HER!"  A) She never taught me ANY maths.  All the maths I know I taught myself since I got a computer from my brother-in-law at 15 years old.  And B) I hadn't even been given a test yet!  Yes, I would have to take a test if I wanted to saddle myself at this college, but who said I'd pass?  And who said I'd do business studies like she wanted me to do?  If I did anything, it would be media...in some vague hope I could still get some kind of job in entertainment even if it was behind the scenes.  I suppose she thought she could bully me into doing what she wanted, and, if I failed the test, tell everybody that I was lazy and had backed out?

On the plus side, I did do one positive thing that day; walked into Ealing and got a photo taken for my driving license application.  Of course, even if I learnt to drive, we had no car.  But at least I'd feel that I'd learnt something constructive...unlike a subject like law or politics when I had not one scrap of interest in getting a job in either of those areas!

Mum's e-friend Jill sent me a cheer up box with a pot of body scrub and another of body butter which was a sweet gesture when I was feeling so low about everything.


June 20th 2012

Another day entirely wasted by David.  Mum didn't even get to go upstairs for a wash again as he insisted on going in the shower room first when she was feeling up to climbing the stairs and then she spent the rest of the day putting it off.

When he finally decided to go out at 2pm, he got angry that I needed to pee and wasn't ready to jump to attention.  He wouldn't allow me time to check that the bald patches at the back of my head were covered or that my dress was straight.  If I wanted to go out, it had to be NOW.

We only walked around the corner to the picture framing shop to find out how much it would cost to get a certificate that my great grandad had earned for serving as a train driver framed anyway.  David even managed to embarrass me there by trying to sit on a high stool and knocking it over!

The post office had closed at 1pm so David had the perfect excuse to leave for Grottsville early again, going to the one in Ealing Broadway on his way.

Mum was in a foul mood as usual.  She asked me to open the window for her, then shouted at me when I banged my knee on the table that I would damage her aunt's table.  "Your knees must be covered in bruises...and your dress is riding further and further up at the back".  She kept picking on me that my dresses were too short...but considering I mainly wore knee-length tea dresses, I'm not sure what her problem was!  She'd given me a real phobia about it though, hence me wanting to check the back of my dress before I went out every time!

Her real bad temper was caused by seeing me waver at the idea of college though.  David was supposed to be ringing the college (to ask further questions about the business access course -  Mum's latest plan for me was that I should study "British law and politics") but he was too tired after our oh, so long walk round the block!

David had two job interviews the following week - in central London, so he would not be hiring a car.  Meanwhile, I had three bids on eBay items in Grottsville and no way of collecting them.

And finally, I took some photos of Peter the squirrel when he came up to the back door to be fed.  We didn't have any nuts for him that day so he had to make do with bread.


Wasn't he cute?  Sadly, he is no longer with us...but that's a story for another day, a long way in the past to me now, and a long way in the future to you, dear reader.

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

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