Thursday, 5 May 2016

Tales of an Indecisive Sufferer of Paranoia!

July 6th 2012

I was really tired.  I kept falling asleep all day and felt really ill.  Oh well, the reason for that was probably that I hadn't got much sleep the night before due to the sound of something walking around on the extension roof outside my bedroom window.  Mum didn't like me to close the bathroom curtains in case they got creased (!) but I'd actually disobeyed her that night so that whatever it was couldn't see in!  (Yes, call me paranoid but I had visions of a weird peeping tom looking through the bathroom window at me on the loo)

Peter the Squirrel would usually be waiting on the extension roof for me in the morning, hoping for food, but he wasn't there for once.  Interestingly, once the curtains were opened, he appeared the next time I went in the bathroom.  I guess closed curtains mean no food!

I went for a lonely walk in Lammas Park.  I didn't really like walking around on my own.  I got spooked when a strange man suddenly broke into a trot and started running towards me so I left the park and walked along the pavements outside.  It seemed slightly safer somehow!  Boy, I really was paranoid that day.

Mum was still in a bad way with stomach pains.  Her trip to the hospital hadn't done her any good at all.  In fact, today she was vomiting as well...seemingly due to the painkillers they'd given her at A&E.  She rang NHS Direct again as she was obviously going downhill but they weren't interested due to her having been seen by professionals the previous day.

Emma was in a bad mood with me for not ringing her to let her know that Mum was at the hospital.  Well, Mum had written to her and made it sound much more serious than it actually was, hadn't she?  Of course, Mum was also the one who had told me not to ring Emma and let her know as there was no point in worrying her until she knew that there was anything to worry about!

I uploaded a few sales photos and re-organised some of my ponies on their shelves but did little else due to depression and lethargy.  I was scared about my future again.  I knew I should have signed up at Hammersmith College for the Access Course by now but nobody ever wanted to discuss it with me and I still felt it was a bad idea to tie myself down for at least four years studying a subject that didn't interest me, all the time getting too old to pursue my musical theatre dream.

July 7th 2012

David and I walked to the Co-Op to buy some dry biscuits for Mum (the only thing she felt well enough to eat), then walked back around the block.  I was feeling horribly fat and knew I'd never lose weight like this, but I felt too disillusioned by life to target something as stupid as my belly.  My thin hair was feeling worse than ever too.

Of course, I was still panicking about Access Courses which might be why I was worrying about my appearance as a displacement to the real issue.  Business studies or media studies, that was the question.  Of course, neither of them really interested me.  Media seemed slightly better than business but Mum assured me that business was the only way to get a job.  Oh well, it was probably too late to get on either course this year now anyway.

I spent the day listing on eBay and reporting a Youtube user for uploading one of my videos.  Oh, and reading about Tabitha St. Germain, one of my favourite voice actresses, who would apparently be going to Comic Con.  She was working on a new TV series (which I guessed from the description was based on the old Jem series from the 1980s) along with another of my favourite voice actresses, Kelly Sheridan.

Emma was still in a bad mood with me for not letting her know about Mum.  I wonder if this was actually the reason that Mum had told me not to tell her, knowing it would cause further aggro between my sister and I.

July 8th 2012

Another beautiful day wasted online.  This time reading about the My Little Pony Fair in the USA which had apparently been overrun with bronies trying to get their hands on a Derpy Hooves figurine.  However, the Fair only had 200 of the limited edition figurines to sell so they quickly ran out and the disappointed bronies got angry, insulting previous generation ponies and their fans.  God, what an immature lot of morons to be arguing over kids' toys at their age!

I listed more stuff on eBay and attracted more rude eBayers' attention.  One woman wanted me to end a rare Sylvanian Families item for a buy it now price that was cheaper than my starting bid.  (I'm pleased to say I didn't do so and ended up selling the item at auction for quite a lot more than she had offered!)  I was doing quite well really and already had a hand full of bids shortly after listing the items.

The hairclips that I'd bought at H&M had turned out not to be such a good buy though.  The pony figures on them were all falling off, so although I was selling them as "new", they were arriving broken and causing a lot of complaints and demands for refunds.

Despite heavy rain, I went for another brisk walk in Lammas Park.  Unfortunately, I got scared by a group of nasty teenagers again and was forced to walk out in the street instead of through the beautiful park.  My goodness, I was a bag of nerves all right.  I was home in less than 25 minutes.  Still, I guess after all those years of being locked up in Grottsville, normality was going to take a while longer to get used to.

David spent his entire day in the loo.  What a waste,

July 9th 2012

Mum was feeling a little better so walked to the Co-Op with me to buy a loaf of bread.  Then we walked back via the South Ealing charity shops.

Emma seemed to have had a complete turn around and was now sticking up for me, saying that business studies were boring and she suggested that I should study either media or even drama!  Ironically, I had now lost heart in the media course following reading up about it the previous night.  The fact was the only thing I really wanted to study was musical theatre and I was painfully aware that I was getting far too old to do so.  But my mum would never approve it until I'd done something more "sensible".  *Sighs*

David had a job interview in Wimbledon.  Just as he was on his way out, he received a phone call to say he didn't get the last job he'd been interviewed for.  Great timing for raising the spirit, eh?

I'd bought myself a factory error Dolly Mix pony Glory on eBay (she had Sundance's head) - it was nice to add her to my herd considering I already had a Gusty with Sundance's head.  You can always tell when I was depressed in my past though, because I'd go on a toy buying spree.  Kind of sad really when you think of all the useful things on which that money could have been spent.

An interesting ride had been listed on eBay - a horse named Bronco.  At the time, I was convinced that this was an early version of RG Mitchell's Rocky, but the seller insisted that the footplates had "RAM" written on them rather than "RGM".

Of course, I now know that this ride was made by Ride-a-Matic.  I probably shouldn't say this but, sorry, I just don't buy that they coincidentally named themselves "RAM" and used such a similar footplate style at a time when RG Mitchell was so successful!  Especially as many of their rides loosely resembled RG Mitchell designs...

Anyway, this ride was actually originally a Zebra called Zebu.  Whoever repainted him as Bronco did a really good job in my opinion!

On the subject of ride history research, I'd found somebody who had scanned all of the Coin Slot newspapers from the 1960s-90s and was selling digital copies of them.  £25 per year or £600 for the lot.  I really wanted to take the plunge and buy them as I'd wanted to read those newspapers for so long.  However, having not seen a copy to know what the quality was like, I didn't want to risk that much money really...

July 10th 2012

I had my second driving lesson.  I took on the terrifying tasks of changing gears and facing mini roundabouts.  The lesson got off to a bad start when I changed into fourth gear instead of second...but thankfully I quickly corrected myself.  I was terrified of bumping into another car throughout the entire lesson and, when I got out of the car, managed to hit the horn as a final insult!  Oh well, I managed to drive for forty minutes without crashing so I just decided to consider that an achievement on its own!

Margaret said that I had good steering and judgement considering it was only my second time ever in the driver's seat...but I think she was just being kind!

David and I walked to South Ealing post office to ship a parcel of G2 MLP merchandise and stopped at the Co-Op on the way back.  David gave me the Coke and milk to carry (in the same bag as each other!) so I could hardly get home.  He, by comparison, had "a quick journey", walking miles ahead of me with a much lighter bag.  Nice to have such gentlemen in my family!

He was surprisingly busy for his standards.  His emails had been hacked (clearly an automated thing), but he thought it was personal and was outraged.  Then he repainted the openings between the extension and the kitchen/family history room.  This time Mum complained that the paintwork was "bumpy" and stuck post-it notes all over them pointing out the bad work!

He then cut down a print of a family photograph for a frame she'd wanted to hang in the family history room for a long time.  She took one look at it, took it out of the frame, screwed it up and threw it away!  Then she complained that nothing had been done all day.  I agree that David's lazy most of the time, but it doesn't exactly encourage him to do anything when she throws his work back in his face all the time, does it?

I wrote and asked for more details about the Coin Slot newspaper scans but heard nothing back.  How could they expect to sell something for that amount of money if they didn't even bother to write back?

Best wishes,
Desirée  xxx

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